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Avatar universal

How long do I let my baby cry?

My son is almost a month old. He hates his crib and will only sleep in my arms. I am determinted to have him sleep in that crib. He has been crying off and on for a little over an hour tonight. Last night I only kept him in there for an hour and he cried pretty steady, tonight he is crying alot less. How long should I let this go on? The dr says only let him cry 5 minutes, but he will never learn that night time is sleep time if I do that. Others say let him cry until he falls asleep. I have a feeling that could be a while. I don't know what to do. Can anyone help?
47 Responses
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Avatar universal
I agree that baby is not quite old enough to cry it out for more than a couple minutes but there are times where you have to bend the rules a little! I am by myself all day with baby and if I'm in the shower and he starts to cry a little I'm not going to get out with shampoo in my hair to comfort him. As long as you comfort him when he cries MOST of the time you aren't causing any damage or crazy trust issues. Seriously.
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Avatar universal
I agree that baby is not quite old enough to cry it out for more than a couple minutes but there are times where you have to bend the rules a little! I am by myself all day with baby and if I'm in the shower and he starts to cry a little I'm not going to get out with shampoo in my hair to comfort him. As long as you comfort him when he cries MOST of the time you aren't causing any damage or crazy trust issues. Seriously.
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757137 tn?1347196453
How long should you let an infant cry? You never let a an infant cry. Ever.
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535822 tn?1443976780
Baby' is 5 years old now so hopefully sleeping okay LOL
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Avatar universal
You said your one month old needs to know that night time is for sleeping? I'm not trying to be rude, but that's a joke! I've never heard of a one month old sleeping through the night... My daughter got up every two to three hours.... If I got a four hour stretch of sleep it was a miracle!  Babies that young need to nurse/feed often.... And need contact with their mothers body for about a million reasons. The thought of a one month old crying for an hour makes my stomach cringe. Please please please just hold your baby and enjoy this time. Sometimes it ***** having no sleep. But the next time you are up late with your little one, just remember there are millions of other women doing the exact same thing as you are... It really does fly by. Hold your baby!
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535822 tn?1443976780
Good post edd.... it is up to parents how they bring their children up.I am not certain I would let a child cry for too long if he/she was really screaming as they could be in pain,or sick but I agree if its normal crying that's not too excessive it doesnt hurt.also depends on age..
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Avatar universal
I don't think it's bad to let a baby cry, if you're sure he/she is not in pain or hungry. I have four children, now all over 20, and my wife and I only ran right away to the older one when she was crying. And guess what? She is the "spoiled" one. The other ones are all really more independent and have their own lives, starting from college. The old one chose a college near home and wanted to spend her time at home. I can't say if this happenes because of the method we used when they were babies, but that's a fact for us. Never listen to the people who say "don't do that" or "that's not human" and so on... do it the way you feel it's right... We did it and now we're happy parents and grandparents!
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535822 tn?1443976780
There is an expert forum , go back to the forum page and look to your right.theres a great Doctor on that forum .
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377493 tn?1356502149
I think that is because this forum is not monitored by Dr.'s or scientists.  It is just us moms (and dads).  However, as my Pediatrician always says, mommy instinct is very very powerful, and something she pays very close attention to.  She says she has diagnosed many a problem based on moms gut feeling, or mom just saying the child is not acting his or herself.  So I think there is validity to listening to instinct and not always just science.

That being said, to allow a very young baby to cry for a long period of time is detrmental.  Science has proven they cannot go without eating for more then a few hours at that age, and they need to eat even more frequently if they are on a growth spurt.  Just look some of it up.  I did actually try the cry it out method with my now 2 year old son.  It didn't work for us, but we have found a good solution.  No science behind my solution besides the fact that I have a healthy, happy, well adjusted and social child.  Works for me!
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973741 tn?1342342773
Actually there IS science behind it.  If you are interested, take a look at an article in the Dec. 2011 edition (dated december, 2011) of Psychology Today written by Dr. Darcia Narvaez.  It is entitled "Dangers of 'crying it out'".  It's a good read and should encourage more attachment type parenting.  I did use the Furber method to help my kids sleep through the night though but as tiny infants, crying it out for too long can be detrimental.  

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Avatar universal
Very few people here cite expert opinion as to how long it is safe to let a baby cry. Just because you're a mom, or a dad, it does not mean your advice makes sense, even you are a parent of 15 children. What substances are released into the baby's brain when he cries for 5 minutes? What are the effects of these substances on the baby? Will these substances make the baby violent as an adult? Nobody asks these questions.
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Avatar universal
my daughter is nearlly 3 months old and is a total nightmare when it comes to sleeping in her moses basket or cot in fact she dosent go to sleep unless i put her in her coat and go out.She sleeps through the night waking up once, only because she sleeps in my bed.I know there is nothing wrong with her as when i pick her up and walk around with her but as soon as i put her down she creates. how long do i leave her to cry for i did it last night and left her for around 25 mins. she went off eventualy but for only ten mins
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1962013 tn?1325331870
Awesome comment! It brought tears to my eyes. Well gotta go hold my little one now, thanks!
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Avatar universal
Picking up a child will not spoil a child. I'd like to see how secure and independednt some of your children are going to be when they are young adults or even school age. You do not need to teach independence. Independence comes naturally as our children grow up. It grows out of feeling safe and loved. Human babies are born totally defenseless. They cannot walk/crawl (basically move), communicate other than crying, and in fact their nervous and immune systems are not even fully formed. This all takes much more time than a couple of months. Why in this country are we so dead set on forcing/teaching independence so early to someone with so limited functioning. In countries where babies are held and their needs are responded to people are more peaceful. There is a direct link between forcing independence and aggressive societies. We really need to get back in touch with our humanity in this country.
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1913393 tn?1322234026
you are so right . my two month old cries when after a while he is bored in his bouncy chair or done watching that silly mobile .  he is sooo completely comforted when he is against my heart.  i love how you put it out their that nothing is as important as holding your CHILD safely in your arms.   a woman once said to me " it could be worse he could be in IRAQ".    i emidiately didnt care about anything but the happiness of my son.   dont let your child cry  HOlD HIM OR HER  and COMFORT THEM.  they WILL someday walk out the door and GOD forbid .
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Avatar universal
I have been on this website looking for possible answers as our now almost 6 month old is still crying, fussing, and screaming her head off. It started day 1 in the hospital. For 3 weeks it was because she was not getting enough food, and I didn't realize I was not "letting down" enough milk when I was breastfeeding. Thus, I started pumping every 2 hours to increase my milk production. It takes time...about 7-10 days to start to notice a difference and then it took me a few months to stabilize the production. She continued to scream all day and all night for 4 months. She ended up having blood and mucous in her stool, which was very concerning. Come to find out she has food allergies. I now have to keep myself on a strict diet of no dairy, egg, wheat, soy, casein, and whey. It was a process of elimination, but took 2 months for the blood to resolve itself. It can take anywhere from 2-6 weeks for the allergenic food to clear their system. If a baby has food allergies blood doesn't always have to be present.  I also have to say that a food allergy/insensitivity in your baby could be the problem. If your baby is drinking formula try switching to a hypoallergenic kind if you think it could be causing the problem. Most regular formula is derived from cow's milk, which can be the cause of an allergy. It is also not recommended to switch to a soy formula as about 30% of babies will have a problem with soy as well. Symptoms include chronic fussiness, irritability, gassiness, not sleeping well....etc. My baby had constant stomach pain and would raise her legs and arch her back all the time. Most babies end up outgrowing the allergy/sensitivity when they are 6-9 months old, but some it takes longer. Check with your pediatrician or try seeing a nutritionist that knows about babies. I just wanted to give some of the advice that we have learned over the past few months because it is physically and mentally exhausting to listen to your baby cry and scream ALL the time. I hope this helps and if not I hope you find some answers soon!
Now that our baby is almost 6 months old we are still running into major problems with her napping during the day. Sometimes I can only get her to sleep about 1 hour, broken into about 15 minutes at a time, through the whole day. She is always so exhausted and upset because she is so tired. I don't know if this is because she has grown accustomed to being irritable and awake all day, and we just need to "retrain" her body or what. I am at a loss of what to do. So, if your baby does have a food allergy hopefully he will take to sleeping better once it is out of his system.
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Avatar universal
Tell me about it!! My daughter is 5 weeks old and very gassy, try gripe water, and if that doesnt work, try oval drops, it'll give u peace temp. My man thinks i hold her too much, and thinks she needs to cry for a half hr so she'll learn to self soothe, she hasnt found her thumb and wont take a soother. She is very little, but the crying.... o man the crying *****! It literally hurts my stomach, i managed to clean the house in the half hr between checking in her and calming her down in intervals. I cant stand the people that say let them cry it out, they didnt do it to their own kids the majority of the time, i have a 5 yr old daughter, and i never put her down, she is a very kindhearted and knows i m always there 4 her.i dont agree with making kids cry it out at all
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535822 tn?1443976780
Pumping really works I knew a mom once who had a high powered job ..she had to work some weird hours, she had a fridge put into her office and would pump off during the time she was there, she then froze it.She went to work next day leaving her nanny and Dad with breast milk for that day having transported it home on ice for the following  day ..you know she did this for 2 years for her child ..now I have to call that being a real trooper ..I only managed 6 months with 2 kids and 6 weeks with my other and that was a struggle ..
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377493 tn?1356502149
I am glad you are buying Happiest Baby on the Block.  The pediatrician that wrote it did so because of babies he was seeing in the ER that had been shaken.  I am not in any way implying you would do that, but still, the very practical soothing techniques worked so well for my son.

Margy is so right...it can be hard...lack of sleep and a bit of frustration.  My husband and I fought more when our little guy was tiny.  It's hard.  Just remember it doesn't last forever.  Is there someone that can come and give the two of you a little break?  Just out for lunch or dinner or something...even a walk as just a couple?  And she is right about taking turns.  We "shift slept" for a while.  Getting a few hours straight sleep in turns can really make a big difference.  Sleep deprivation is just awful.  It really helped us a lot.  If your nursing, get a pump so you can pump and your husband can feed during his turn.  

Hang in there, it will improve.  I promise.
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535822 tn?1443976780
I sympathise a crying baby can take its toll on your nerves but that's what babies do a lot of , if the doctor thinks there are some stomach issues maybe take him back.One other point is baby breast fed or bottle fed, is he getting enough food, they will yell a lot if they are hungry ,how much and how often is he eating . Take it in turns to look after him so each of you gets a break ..
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Avatar universal
Thanks for the responses.  We've been trying the things mentioned in your posts, but haven't looked through the book "The Happiest Baby on the Block".  I'll buy it from Amazon now.
The doctors have said that our baby does not have colic.  He does have symptoms of stomach problems, including bending his head back while stretching his legs out and crying.  They did give us medicine to put in his milk, which doesn't seem to help. I think we just have a cranky baby. It is also starting to take a toll on the relationship between me and my wife.
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377493 tn?1356502149
It sounds like you have a baby with colic.  Margy is right, see your Dr.  I do however have an additional suggestion.  Get your hands on a book called
"The Happiest Baby on the Block".  It was undoubtedly the best baby book I read with excellent practical advice on soothing in the early months.  We used almost all of the techniques and they really worked.  We also used a homeopathic remedy for colic that worked.  I'm sorry, the brand name is eluding me right now, but check out your local health food stores.  Our local pharmacy sold it as well, so perhaps ask your pharmacist.

The good news is they do outgrow colic.  It's tough I know, but I have to tell you, the techniques in the above mentioned book really worked.  I found most of the baby books less then helpful, but this one really made a difference.  Good luck.
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535822 tn?1443976780
It sounds like he may be having some tummy issues, is he breast or bottle fed , is he getting enough food,drinking well, does he poop okay, ? I would say that at this age there is a reason for continuous crying,next time you are at the Doctor speak to him about it it could be some cholic ..
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Avatar universal
I was just reading though this list. It seems like most people advise to not let the baby cry for more than a few minutes.  Our problem is that we can't get the baby to stop crying. Even *after* we pick the baby up, rock him, take him for a walk in the stroller, or play with him, he just keeps crying. He only sleep for 6-8 hours a day, and screams for the rest of the time.   He is 6 weeks old. Does anybody know what to do when the baby will not stop crying, even after the parents attend to the baby?
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