How to get my 11 year old daughter to not be afraid

[pinkypink3265]

A few months ago my 11 year old daughter woke up in the middle of the night and caught our neighbor trying to break in our house, she stopped him and scared him away by screaming, we called the cops and got him arrested, and he is still in jail, But now ever since then we cant get her to stop sleeping with us or to stop following us around at night. She is fine durring the day and will play outside and do everthing else, and will even play with his daughter, but then as soon as night hits she starts screaming and wont let anyone in the house go to sleep!! Can anyone help with this?

[Huxtagirl]

When I was a child about her age, we had a break in. We werent home thankfully but it was a vindictive crime, they took almost everything and one of each of our shoes so we just had single shoes. I remember clearly the broken door they had forced open and the fingerprints covered in white powder, I was terrified I refused to sleep in the house, I cried and screamed but my mom was strict and she forced me to, she always forced me to conquer my fears, but she did it out of love. I was afraid of everything as a child and thanks to my moms persistence I was able to conquer my fears. She had fears like me as a child so she knew that dealing with them was the only way. We were in a car accident previous to the robbery and everything just seemed to be going wrong. I still remember, her holding me and telling me that our rainbow will come after the storm the rainbow will appear, and she was right. Be supportive but stern and she will come around, I did.

[greenfox]

highlight the fact to her that she is heroic and brave. tell her how grateful you all are that she has such powerful pipes she screamed and scared the guy out of the yard. she saved her entire family from having their property stolen or being injured.

instill bravery in her by telling her how brave she's already been,  for herself and the entire family.

[Sandman2]

   This link of how to talk to your children about scary events might also be helpful.    http://www.chadd.org/Understanding-ADHD/About-ADHD/ADHD-Weekly-Archive/Newsletter-Article.aspx?id=41

[Crosseyecrab]

I think in time she will get over it.however will this person be back around when he gets out. I would make steps to get a restraining order against him and teach have your daughter take a self defence course. His motive for being there may be more than just trying to break in

[RockRose]

I think she needs to be in counseling.  In my observation,  children who notice a violation,  scream out,  and it gets resolved usually recover fairly quickly from the invasion/molestation/assault because they feel powerful and in control.  That she was the hero here - she was the one who noticed it,  screamed out,  and because of her actions everyone was safe,  should go a long way in healing her.

At this point,  "months" down the road,  if she's still screaming at night and no one can sleep she needs help facing this fear.

Best wishes.  How awful to have a neighbor try to break in.

[Xenina]

It doesn't matter if someone got in or not, it's a home invasion. I had a home invasion, and I was assaulted. Luckily my kids were not home, and they don't know about it.  After a year, I still have nightmares sometimes. They are random. Most nights, I'm fine. Sleep with your child. Does she scream a lot, or only when you leave her alone in rooms with no parental help? (If she screams a lot even with you in her bed, then you need to get her counseling.)
If she is just nervous (and not screaming all night), then do whatever you need to in order to make you children feel safe, and loved. Just like an other trauma, the best therapy is choices. Give her more choices in her life. Little choices, but give them to her. Do you want this or that? Would you like to go to the park? Do you want a snack? Pudding or applesauce? And bigger choices, like shopping for things. Let her choose things in your life. It will empower her. (This is good for all children, actually.) They grow confidence, and self-esteem with every choice. This helps a lot with fear. Put extra locks on the window or something. . . .  Do whatever SHE thinks will keep her safer. It's about her. Are you religious? My kids say their prayers at night, and the angels watch over them. We also have cats that watch over them here.  Cats and dogs, and strong capable Mommies and Daddies makes kids feel more confident no matter what the problem is. You can never spoil a child with attention, or comfort. She will be healthier with comfort in the long-term. Does she have good role models? A child need 9 solid positive role models in their life at any point in time. If you can get counseling, it will really help her, but in this case, (I believe) the fear will subside in time if she was not personally assaulted.
(I am a counselor, and not a doctor, and I am assuming she is not screaming all night.)

[AnnieBrooke]

Also, have you had her talk with a counselor or therapist?  You want her to be able to pull herself together, she has no sense of security right now and needs help.  A counselor could help her a lot.

[AnnieBrooke]

Frankly, it sounds pretty rational of her to be this frightened.  Someone broke in and is now in jail for it?  How many 11-year-olds does this happen to?  It is not a normal life occurrence.  

Is there any chance you can move?  Have you done anything to beef up home security in a visible way that she sees and finds reassuring?