How to motivate my son to study?

[Ganoji]

My son is 4.9 months. And simply does not remember what he is learning. He is ready to for go ( temporary) playing, watching TV tab mobile, his favourite dish at the time when he does not recall or study. Then at correct moment he will cry hell out  for playing TV or anything. I m very frustrated towards his this behaviour. He is very afraid of me when it comes to study. He brings me to a point where I will loose all my control and start shouting and smacking him. I DO NOT understand what to do. He does not know ABCD nor 123. Subconsciously he will do it correctly but when required with co cent ration and consciousness he sit like a dumb boy with blank expression looking straight into my eyes like he is looking for my patience to end and study time to change to fight time. Please help me.

[Sandman2]

I completely agree with Specialmom.  
there other thing that is happening is that you are creating anxiety in your child which is why he is freezing up.  The way to avoid that is as Specialmom said,  make it into a game (maybe even with rewards).  When we play UNO with our 3 year old grandson, it always with pretzels or goldfish.  And he gets them no matter how well he does or does not do.  Oh we also wear silly hats, etc.

Finally, talk with his teachers.  It may be that he is doing very well at school and its just in the home environment that he has a problem due to your expectations.  So talk to the experts who actually see him and can compare him to other kids in the class.

[Ganoji]

Dear Sandman, u have earlier also answered my questions. Thank you for your support. I m really worried about my son’s studies. I m afraid that I have already done the damage and now he know how to bring me to tipping point. He is very sharp and intelligent from all other activities and understanding he shows on daily basis. I m stuck at alphabets and numbers. Are you from India?  I fall short while it comes to making learning game cause he knows it and he losses interest in it ghe moment he knows she is trying to teach me.... how to deal is a big question

[Sandman2]

Hi, I am a retired elementary school principal from California (US).   I think what is really important for you to do is to talk to his teachers and to find out if there is a problem.  Can he do all they want him to do?   If he is intelligent, he probably has learned all this stuff in class and at least for the time being - just wants some down time at home.  But, there is no way of knowing what is going on until you talk to this teachers.

By the way, just reading to your child (without trying to teach) is very important.  Its a great time together.  It gets them interested in reading, and they will subconsciously pick up vocabulary words.   Even, when I was teaching 5th grade, I still would spend some time reading outloud to my students.

You use games to teach thinking skills, etc.   Just playing any card game will teach number and thinking skills.  You only teach how to play the game.   Then just play the game.   To actually make learning into a game, its probably easier to use the computer games.  I can remember playing card games with my grandparents and we got a penny for each point we made.  It kept us highly involved.

Hope this helps.  But, do talk with his teachers.

[Ganoji]

Hello Sir, What is down time?

I have had a word with his new teacher. She tell me he is very intelligent he knows it but only he is not interested when it comes to study. Even I have noticed same thing it’s only the conscious effort when we put to study he is not responding. He is forgetting . He writes 1 to 10 and then back to 1 he is blank. He does not know what it is. He will will read alphabets with help but when asked to repeat he will not and say I do not know.

[Sandman2]

down time is relax time.  time to do what you want to get rid of the stress of the day.
  You said that his teacher said, " he knows it but only he is not interested when it comes to study."   which takes me back to my original question....does he know it at school?  Not interested in studying at 5 years old is no big deal...especially if he already knows all of the stuff.  He is beginning to sound to me like he is bored.  But, I really do not know.   The new teacher said he is highly intelligent.  She may be having him do things that he already knows?   Any way,  the question is does he perform at school?  Since the teacher thinks he is highly intelligent...it must be doing pretty well at school.
  If he can do everything at school that he is asked to do.....then there is not a problem.  If he cannot perform at school, then there is a problem.   Not performing for you at home, and performing at school is a sign to you to back off a bit and let him be a 5 year old.   Of course this all changes if he won't perform at school....and you do not seem to know that answer.   Hummmm,   you said, "new teacher"  is this a really new teacher as in young and inexperienced?

[Ganoji]

Aaahaaa.... performing at school. Yes and no. He can copy but not not reproduce. He can repeat after someone but not recall when asked consciously. Overall I would say yes he is performing. New teacher as in not young and not inexperienced. She just a new class teacher. Completely new person in his life as a teacher. He is going through down time now. It’s his vacation . I think I should wait and watch. I m passing my anxiety in him is what I feel some time. I m pushing him in rat race is what I feel. He can contemplate everything going around. Good reasoning, good communication, improving vocabulary and many surprising things he does now a days. I think I should wait. Regarding he performing at school I will have to wait again as his teacher is saying we should not push him and let him build his own interest.

[Sandman2]

I agree completely with, "I will have to wait again as his teacher is saying we should not push him and let him build his own interest."  
   This is a really neat age.  They will change/learn all the time.   Do play games with him.  Games he chooses!   Any game is a thinking game.  Make it a learning experience only in showing him how to play.   Both of you will really enjoy this.  Best wishes.  And please, if you have any questions in the future - just ask!

[Ganoji]

Thank you so much for all your hearth soothing answers. I m really overwhelmed by your promptness and care u you have for all. May God bless u with a long and healthy and smiling life.

[specialmom]

You must mean 4.9 years and not months.  This is my honest opinion.  Do not worry about it.  Don't push, don't try to make him 'study' etc.  You will make him insecure.  Kids need play time, outlets for creativity, fun at that age and not so much alphabet and number drill sheets.  I've got two kiddos.  There not at all interested in that stuff at that age either.  At all.  Both went to kindergarten not reading.  Now . . . we attended an honors function last night where both boys  were awarded for academic achievement.  Both are 4.0 students in advanced classes.  Your child's self esteem is developing and if you make him feel like he isn't pleasing you or that you think he is 'dumb' in anyway . . . you will do damage.  That could last a life time.  Play with him.  Have fun.  If there is a learning issue, you will not diagnose it at home or help it/solve it by angrily asking him to do these activities with you.  When he gets to school, he will begin to be assessed.  Are you in the US?  How does this work in your area if not?  You can do stimulating things with him like reading to him, having conversations with him, taking him places, playing games with him.  Try getting objects to associate with letters.  Animals are a favorite of kids.  A is for ape.  Have a picture or plastic animal of an ape, ape, A.  Then play a game after you have all the pictures of objects.  A matching game.  Make it FUN!  Write letters or numbers on pieces of paper or paper plates, play music and when it stops they jump on the letter or number you call out.  Make it FUN!  If you call it studying and get frustrated?  Forget about it.  They won't want to participate.  And remember, when my philosophy of this sounds strange to you . . .  I've got two 4.0 honors students who are very different learners but who get the job done.  There is a sign at our elementary school (which my kids are now out of elementary school) that says "if your kids come to school knowing all the answers . . . they haven't spent enough time in the sand box".  :>)))  Have fun during these years!

[Ganoji]

Thank you special mom. We live India.  Yes my son is 4.9 year old. And somehow the schools, teachers and full education system in India thinks that a  4.5 year old kid must know alphabets and number till 50 . Anyways, thank you for your apt and life soothing answer to my question. This is a very lame excuse but I must agree that I got into pressure of school. Unfortunately my son is still going in the same school but this year he has got a very good teacher. I m still in the panic state that why my little champ who could recognise alphabet to some extend when he was in nursery refusing to know them now. It’s like he has unlearned them. And I m a monster mom I feel because I loose my patience and control. I really wish to change but now he is into this refusal mode of studying. He likes to listen to bedtime story. He wants me to read it. That’s his favourite routine. But the moment I try to stress on alphabet or phonics... he tell me straight why r u trying to teach me. Just read the story. I hope I will recover from my panic mode and understand my child.