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Avatar universal

I think my daughter has been molested. I don't know how to handle this

My two year old has been acting weird for a while now (caressing blankets and slowing humping in a sexual manner)... I scolded her and thought nothing of it. I was thinking that maybe she was playing around. I don't do anything sexual around my daughter nor do I allow her to watch anything with sexual content. I don't even allow her to see kissing.

WELL, about three weeks ago I was keeping my nieces and nephews and my daughter and niece were playing in the room alone. It had gotten pretty quiet for about 10 minutes so I decided to go check on them. I caught my four year old niece hunching on my daughters leg. She jumped immediately when she saw me and said she was sorry. I disciplined her immediately and warned her parents. After that, I let it go.

So YESTERDAY, I was keeping them again. My daughter and niece were playing under my supervision and my niece stated that she had to go to the restroom. She told my daughter to come along. That immediately sparked my attention. I got up and peeked through the door and saw my niece making sexual advances to my daughter. She was hunching her from the back as if she were having sex. I was ABSOLUTELY terrified. I asked my niece what else she had done to my daughter before and she stated that she had been kissing her and taking her clothes off. Keep in mind that my sister watches my daughter while I go to work. I immediately began to think about what all could have been happening while I was at work. I don't know what to do. I am disgusted and terrified. It actually made me cry. We try so hard to protect our children from things like this so I had no idea that this would be going on. My niece also admitted that she had done the same things to my one year old nephew before. She was crying and extremely upset. I don't know what to do.
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Avatar universal
This is horrible and Im sorry youre experiencing this. It is very likely your niece is being sexually assaulted or molested. You need to talk to her, calmly, to figure out what is happening: she is a victim too. Bring it up with your sister. Report it to CPS, even if this damages your relationship with your sister. My experience in TX and CA: she wont lose her children unless CPS can determine the abuse is happening from a caretaker but they will ask a ton of questions. This is for their benefit. Protect your daughter and all children involved, what you describe should not be dismissed as curiousity: many have molested and been molested for decades because family refused to take this seriously. It damages children and it will escalate of nothing happens. God bless.
Helpful - 6
Avatar universal
This is child on child sexual assault. Wether people call this 'Experimentation' or not it needs to be stopped. As a survivor of childhood sexual assault from both an adult and multiple children, it is traumatizing. This can not continue.
Helpful - 4
1 Comments
That's really extreme it's a toddler at that age they are mimicking something done to them that baby needs to be protected as well that's just horrible to say.
Avatar universal
'm really bothered that you're treating a 4-yr old like a perpetrator, not a fellow victim. If there's even a chance you are correct in your fears, they both need your protection.
I once had to call CPS because a 10/11-yr old was acting out sexually within a group of of other children that age. No matter how annoyed or angry I was at her exposing those innocents to some very vile behavior, the bottom line was SHE was the first victim; some adult had been teaching her what **'s were and how to ride a stripper pole and the pleasures of different sexual positions.

Your niece isn't even grade-school age and, instead of trying to figure out what's going on, you punished her for behavior she's either seen or experienced elsewhere - and NEITHER is ok. So, yes, you need to remove your child from that environment while you figure out what's going on. But, for the love of all that's good in the world, don't throw your poor niece to the wolves. If you walk away without any investigation, without getting her to tell you (or a therapist or CPS) what's happened, who knows what kind of situation you're leaving your niece and nephew in? Your sister could be the best mom the world, but have one evil friend (my mom is incredible. My best friend's grandfather molested every child he ever met, including his son. His son did not see fit to warn my family. I've had to live with the very painful repercussions). So your burden is two-fold. Remove your daughter. Protect those children. If you really think this is more than childhood exploration, and you brought the issue here, then, please, protect those kids.
Helpful - 3
Avatar universal
Your niece sounds like a classic victim of molestation. She is now acting out what she has experienced with your daughter and her brother. These are learned behaviors, not just kiddie curiosity. I'm so sorry this is happening!
Helpful - 2
Avatar universal
I agree that it COULD be no big deal, but the fact that your niece is so young and that she is targeting multiple other little ones - younger than herself who can't understand what is going on or effectively say no - means it is just as likely that she is acting out her own abuse on others. She is continuing to do it even after you caught it in the act, like it's a compulsion, not simple curiosity, and crying when caught because she knows it is wrong. Your number one responsibility here is to be mama bear and protect your daughter. If your sister won't stop her daughter from luring yours into privacy, you can't leave her with your sister anymore. Ask that your sister set up a nanny cam where the abuse occurs and tell the five year old that it's there. Then strongly recommend your sister talk to your daughter to find out more and/or just take her straight to a therapist. It sounds like your niece will talk to you. Maybe you can ask her where she learned those things? Hopefully it's just her mom and dad leaving the bedroom door open during private times, but if so, that clearly has to stop given then effect it's having on their daughter and by extension other kids, including theirs. Keep in mind though that the sexual abuse of children is sadly stI'll common and too many very young kids have to deal with the emotional confusion and shame all alone because the patents don't know or want to sweep it under the rug. I would really try not to let that be your niece. The affects of sexual abuse can echo throughout the rest of her life, making her depressed, anxious, suicidal, creating dysfunction in her romantic relationships, and on and on.
Helpful - 2
Avatar universal
First of all, don't punish your daughter! She is the victim here. I would definitely say that behavior like this isn't normal. I think it's very possible that your daughter is being negatively affected by your niece. The question is where did your niece get it from? She most somehow be exposed to sexual content. Maybe she's even being abused. Its common that children who are sexually abused start doing these kinds of things with other children. I would be very careful about dealing with this. Even though you probably don't want to think about it, it could be her own parents. Definitely don't just let this go! It's a tricky situation. I think it's best to consult some kind of professional.  
Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
Im sorry that you are going through this. At my job i have  workerd with children and teenagers that had been molested sexually- this  sounds to me like your niece is being molested/raped. She is innocent and she is acting to what has been done to her in others. You should stop leaving your daughter with your sister because it is possible the abuse is happening at her house. Be very careful. Your daughter is already a target like your niece. I beg you to report this and talk to your sister, as a mother she should be able to understand. I beg you to take action on this. You have no idea of how many stories I have  heard were the parent did absolutely NOTHING about this type of abuse and it continued and escalated for years. Your niece is in danger too. Something is Happening at your sister house.
Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
I agree that she could have walked in on her parents or something and that is why she is doing the humping motions. But kids do get curious about each others body parts and things. Have you asked your niece where she learned that? Tell her that she can trust you, and that you aren't angry and ask her where she learned it. Obviously you have to be safe, but be careful to jump to conclusions. You don't want to go accusing anyone of anything as that is a serious allegation, but at the same time obviously you don't want to ignore it if there is something going on. If you told your sister, did you ask your sister if she knows where she may have got this behaviour from?
Helpful - 1
189897 tn?1441126518
COMMUNITY LEADER
There are a series of books aimed at the 4 to 8 year old crowd that are meant to be read out loud to them.  "Your body belongs to you" is a good example and others are listed in the link below.  You might want to check them out and see if they might help.  
    https://www.amazon.com/Your-Belongs-Cornelia-Maude-Spelman/dp/0807594733/ref=pd_sim_14_42?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0807594733&pd_rd_r=4R9725H1AZQH6Z87RX1J&pd_rd_w=i3S9g&pd_rd_wg=KQxhN&psc=1&refRID=4R9725H1AZQH6Z87RX1J
Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
It's very possible that there are actually three victims who are children here. Please question your niece; she knows A LOT for this to just be 'normal exploration'.
Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
The four year old is probably a victim too. Report to local protective services agency and let them investigate. Get a new babysitter!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Go to a Child Psychologist now. This is a very sensitiv case and you all need professional help in handling this so the kids will not get scarred for life.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
There is absolutely NO WAY that you should take any advice from any of us, other than GET PROFESSIONAL ADVICE AND HELP.  We are very opinionated, but we are strangers on the internet.  Frankly, this is over our heads.  Contact your pediatrician for a confidential consultation.  They'll know if this is normal or not and how to handle it.  You're in my prayers.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I think kids at the age of two are too young for curiosity and the actions of your niece sounds like she's been molested. I would sit down with my sister after having videotaped it happening and talk about how to help her and her daughter. Definitely do not yell at or punish any of the kids. They are innocent and wouldn't be doing it unless an adult or someone old enough to know better took that away. It might be as simple as watching a show or even a dancing show where they're twerking or dirty dancing. Find out where it's stemming from.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
heathur74
Apparetnty your 4 year old niece could have been molested and she is acting out on the other children, its not normal for a 4 year old to do this and to other kids, maybe she seen her parents having sex or watched a movie she should not have but to act out on kids seems odd, that something happened to her ! I would investigate this whole thing !
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I was sexually molested by children, I'm 34 now  & I'm still dealing with emotional, sexual, etc... Issues. These comments that I constantly see on this website about not being mad with the abuser when the abuser is a child is insane to me.

Yes, the abuser is a child, yes the abuser is likely acting out sexual abuse that was done to her but that does not mean that at 3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10, etc... The they don't know it's wrong. Trust me I was 3 when the sexual abuse started, I knew it was wrong & I NEVER DID IT TO ANOTHER CHILD. My husband was raped at age 6 by ab 10 year old. My husband dealt with sexual issues his whole life. But he never acted out on another child & knew it was wrong.

Every time I see a parent on this website looking for support, help, info about their child being sexually abused by another child they're always chastised by someone telling them that the abuser "is just a child & probably sexually abused" well as a victim let me tell you, that doesn't make anything any better not to mention if my mom protected my abuser it would likely make things so many hundreds times worst. Like I deserved it & my poor abuser.

It's crap!!!

So to answer your question, for the love of God never ever leave your daughter with your sister again. Don't be around them for a while & I'd tell your sister that she better get her kid help asap or I'm calling the cops. Because that might be the only way she does get her help. Get your daughter therapy because now she can act out on other children. Make sure to talk to her emphatically about not touching anyone & absolutely never allowing anyone to touch her.

Be okay with her wanting ppl not to hug her. I'm Latina & in my culture we hug & kiss on the chew "hello" it's guy stretching to be told to hug & kids ppl the turn your stomach breastfed you know they make you feel uncomfortable. Listen to her.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Your niece most likely has zero intent beyond "this feels good" kind of thing. However, she had learned it or witnesses the actions and was told something along the lines of "if you do this to anyone besides me or say anything you'll be in big trouble" or something a long those lines. If she just witnessed it and acted on it herself then it's Pure "this feels good when you do this, I've seen it on (wherever she had witnessed it) the internet or TV". The her being scared when you caught her could have been the whole "I really didn't know what I was doing I just know it's taboo at this point" . Or she's been told before to "STOP THAT OR IM GOING WHIP YOU!" , There's a lot that could be going on that you don't know or there could be just a curious somewhat timid little girl... My $.03
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I'm 21 years old and my mom ignored every sign possible, I was "touched" by 6 of my male cousins, 3 female cousins and my virginity was taken from me at 8years old by my older brother on my father side of the family. Please ask questions without judgement, my mommy doesn't know because I'm afraid to tell her, no little girl should have to go through this.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I have 4 daughters, ranging in age from 4 months to 17 years, and it sounds pretty normal- albeit mind boggling!  I've seen it all... the rubbing themselves on anything that makes them "feel good" down there.  I remember figuring out that sensation myself at a very young age and playing doctor with the neighbor girls.  We were in bed and she was undressed.  I did touch her one time and then felt weird aboIt it and didn't do it again, and then felt guilty for quite some time after that, but it was only in play, nothing sexual about it.  Now that I have girls of my own, I get it.  Nowadays kids are more easily prone to pornography exposure, regardless of how they get it, so the actions of your children in question could solely be mimicking what they've seen elsewhere.  I wouldn't be too worried about it, just take note and keep an eye on it.  Be careful not to shame, and explain the very basics of sex and who they will share it with one day when they're much, much older,but a little goes a long way with that so don't go overboard.  Be clear that it's unacceptable for them to be touching others' privates or for anyone to be touching theirs, and let them know that you understand the sensation they're feeling "down there" but that if they want to experience that feeling more,they need to experience it alone in the privacy of their own room.  (And , spoiler alert... they will!  Try not to make them feel that masturbation is wrong, just explain it to them in a way they can understand.  Make sure there's a clear, fine line on what's acceptable and what's not., and that they understand it.  You'll likely have another round of this embarrassing situation, hopefully next time just with your daughter and her own self, a little further on down the road, but just prepare yourself with a clear, sensible mind and you've got it covered!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
This could be normal sexual curiosity. It is shocking to catch small kids doing this sort of stuff but more than likely your niece has seen her parents have sex. It is actually common for kids to engage in this behavior.  The older they get the more guilt they feel when caught.  Kids who are sexually abused will often show other behaviors such as behavior problems , smearing feces, eating disorders ect.  Hopefully it's just curiosity.  If you niece sleeps with her parents or if they don't lock the door that could be the sorce
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
Apparetnty your 4 year old niece could have been molested and she is acting out on the other children, its not normal for a 4 year old to do this and to other kids, maybe she seen her parents having sex or watched a movie she should not have but to act out on kids seems odd, that something happened to her ! I would investigate this whole thing !
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