Inappropreate behaviour towards my child

Question

Firstly, I think I should start off with, my daughter is only 7 3/4yrs. There is a boy in her class at school who is quite frankly harassing her. He makes comments of a sexual nature and is too knowledgable about the subject as far as I would be concerned. He, himself is only 8 yrs. I have spoken to her teacher about it and she in turn called his mother in for a meeting. Then, when I was called back into the school to discuss what action there would be taken, the teacher informed me that, the boys mother is a single parent and is having some family difficulties. There was nothing done apart from the boys mother said she would speek to him.
Now, I was a single mother myself to 3 children and while it can be difficult at times, it is certainly no reason to not address (serious) probs with children.
Since the meeting with the teacher, things have got no better and I am at my witts ends at what to do next apart from call in child welfare.
Any ideas pls?

RockRose · Answer

I think going in collectively will be very positive.  It's easy to think one mother is just a complainer - but when you get many who are all saying the same thing,  that usually makes things happen.

Best wishes.

NicolaMc · Answer

musicmama- The laws in Ireland reguarding child attendence in school are as simple as if you don't send your child to school for 20 days during the school you have to account for what reasons your child did not attend and I'm affraid if you cannot account for this with a letter from the childs doc or equivillent, then the parent is held accountable and can face court or in extream cases can be jailed.

SL345- I have talked to her about this infact the subject comes up at least twice a week of what this boy does and says, so the subject is still really ongoing.
My sister approched the boys mother today because something that happened just outside the school gates when she was collecting my nephew. The boys mother asked him if that is what was said and he said no (even though there were many other parents who heard him say this she said to my sister 'Well I don't know what kind of mother you are but I believe my son when he tells me he didn't do something'. Obviously my sister was fuming and now after a chat with a few other mothers at the school has found out it is happening to alot of other kids too (with the same boy).
We have collectively decided to take our greviences to the principal.
Sally44- As I said above we are going to take matters futher together because we didn't get much of a responce when we were all taking them individually to the principal, but we wll also make sure to get everything in writing.

Thank you all.

Sally44 · Answer

Have you (and parent of your nephew) put your concerns, explaining exactly what is being said and done, in writing to the head of the school with a copy send to the governors, and asking them to reply in writing saying how they intend to address this whilst your children are under their protection?  I usually find that a written letter demanding a written reply gets something more concrete because you have written proof of it.
You can also talk with social services about your concerns regarding this boy.  
The school and social services have to abide by child protection laws.

SL345 · Answer

Talk to your daughter about what is happeniongs, how it makes her feel and what she can do to protect herself.

Since this is a small town, are there any mental health providers, clery or other trusted figures to wheom you could turn and/or meet with?

Can you approach the mother directly to discuss this concern and try to work out a paln of communication?

musicmama · Answer

I would demand that this child be taken out of school. . .expelled, or else (have a consequence, such as a list of parents who would hold their children from school-boycott, or show a letter to the editer/media if nothing is done.)
What would happen if you and all of the other parents who are experiencing this refused to let their children go to school?  Would a truency officer be involved?

NicolaMc · Answer

jdtm - The principal has already been informed of the situation and it leaving it in the teachers hands. Also you are right about him bulling other kids. Two days ago the same boy groped my nephew who is in the same class room. My sister obviously has arranged a meeting with the teacher.

RockRose - If I went into detail about what this boy was saying to my daughter, I'm sure I would offend a few people. What he says could certainly not be miss understood for anything resembling flirtation. He is describing sexual insidences (very graphic) and telling her that is what he wants to do to her.

musicmama - It would nearly be impossaible to get her into another school at this stage. All the schools in our area are inundated with applications for attendence. Another class is not on the cards either as there is only one class for each year. It is a village school and there are 100-120 children in the whole school, infact there are only 10 children including my daughter in her class.
As for a lawsuit, to tell you the truth I don't really know what the situation is with that. I'm not sure if there is any presedent.

Thanks for all your replies, they are much appreciated.

musicmama · Answer

I understand that the laws in your country may be very different than ours in the U.S.  One thing remains constant. . .your primary concern is to protect your daughter.  Can you insist that she be put in another class?  Can she be taken to another school?  What about a lawsuit against the family or the school?  All of this depends on the laws in your country and the true nature of this harassment.  You may wish to visit a lawyer and see what your options are.  

Sometimes we take our rights for granted.
Good luck and God bless.

RockRose · Answer

Also,  does it seem like he has a crush on her and doesn't know how to express it besides inappropriate remarks?  Or is he bullying her and trying to humiliate her because he thinks she won't fight back?

More detail would be helpful -

best wishes.

RockRose · Answer

I don't understand this fully. Without being too graphic, could you describe what sort of things the boy is saying to her? Are they threatening and very frankly sexual, or are they things that might be considered appropriate flirtation if the two weren't so young?

jdtm · Answer

What do you mean "the school couldn't get involved"?  They are already involved as the bullying is occurring on school property.  The next step is to talk to the principal.  If no satisfaction there, then you go one step higher - school board or superintendent -(I don't know the hierarchy of your school district).  One more thing - if this child is bullying your daughter, you can bet he has or he is or he will be harassing some other child.  As sad as it might be, the family situation of this child is irrelevant.  By the way, bullying such as you described would mean an automatic five-day suspension my my school district.

NicolaMc · Answer

It's a really small school, as I live in a village, I have informed the teacher about my thoughts on involving child welfare and she said that if that was the route I wanted to take that was fine but the school couldn't get involved. I thought this was farcacle as it is only happening in school as my daghter wuldn't have any contact with this boy out of school hrs.

treazzure007 · Answer

Since things have continued to go the same, I would go to the school office and inform the administration of my next plan of action.  There is no reason not to take extreme action with this.  If he's exposing your child to sexually explicit content and harassing her, it has to stop.