Inappropriate physical touch between daughter and father

[Stepmom916]

I am not sure what to do...

My 10 yr old stepdaughter clings and cuddles with her father on the couch, kissing, cuddling and baby talking all the time.  He has 60% custody of her every week and she stays with her Mom the rest of the time.  Dad does EVERYTHING for her.  She literally does nothing for herself except wiping after going to the bathroom and brushing her teeth.  I am not exagerating.  He gets her water, most of the time slices lemon in it and brings it upstairs for her.  She doesn't pick up her plates after eating, she doesn't do anything!  I personally feel he spoils her too much, but when I've talked with him about her being more independent and contributing to the house a bit, he gets very defensive and angry and says he wants to do everything for her forever.  I tell him it isn't healthy for her and if he wants to be father of the year, he needs to take time to 'teach' her how to do her own things but again, he gets angry and defiant.  My friends and even my son who is 20 says it is creep how they cuddle on the couch.  I am sure it is not incestuous, but it creeps me out so much I need to leave the room.  Is this normal and I need to relax?

[fedup0418]

How long have you and your husband been married?  Does he have any other children?  I find this behavior very strange.  Not just the physical aspect but the way he babies her.  How does she act when dad is not around?  Does she interact with other children her own age?  Does she ever have friends over or go to friend's homes?  As a mother of a 9 yr old I don't think her behavior is very age appropriate.  There are many ways dad can show his love for her other than making her completely dependent.  I agree with the previous post that he is giving her a completely unrealistic view of the way the world.  At the age of ten she should take some responsibility around the house.  His enabling her is not healthy for her development.  You need to sit down with your husband and explain how you feel without focusing so much on the creeped out part.  You need to express your concern that he is not helping her develop into a mature, self-confident and independent young woman.  It is time for her to grow up and dad to find a healthier way to show how much he adores his daughter.  

[CG24]

I would imagine it is pretty miserable for you that your husband does not work with you on guidelines for her behavior.  So - she does not have chores around the house?  Does she even pick up her own dishes?  Doing everything for a child teaches a pretty unrealistic view of the real world.  I find kids need to have responsibilities as soon as possible - awfully hard to teach as the years go by.
Best of luck

[margypops]

Just a good affectionate Dad, it is actually the opposite and he sounds great with his child it seems sad you have to say to him that he wants to be Dad of the year,it would be a good idea for you to examine your own feelings as perhaps you are feeling some jealousy about his good fatherly behavior with his daughter, You have hit the nail on the head and you need to see it for what it is, he can still have feelings for his daughter and have feelings for you,it doesnt take it away from you, you cant spoil children enough they respond to affection and attention, Join in the Fun with them....I dare you ,next time they are cuddling ,leap in ,you may enjoy it, how about you take her somewhere nice for some 'girl time" make her your friend ,you will be forever glad you did..Trust me,.