Is it the Terrible two's or something else

[afromom]

I really truly need some help.  I am a foster mother taking care of a two year old who exhibits anger all of the time.   My husband and I have had him for several months, but I feel the child does not like me.  This child shows jealousy towards my birth daughter and gives me no respect.  I know all of the foster care jargon such as: re-attachment/detachment disorder and so on, but he is very defiant  Whenever I am alone this child he/she would cry for hours, in addition, long screaming fits.  This child appears unhappy and refuses eye contact.  In addition, the child will not smile for me.  I have to beg..no plead for a positive reaction.  Most times he/she walks around with an angry look and only wants to do what he/she wants to do.  He kicks, bites, scratches, yells, refuses to play well with others, refuses to learn, refuses to communicate with me, clenches his teeth when asking for things, and will only talk to me when there is something that he/she wants.  Do you have any suggestions?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It's clear that this little child is showing signs of serious emotional disturbance, likely the result of inadequate parenting that ultimately resulted in his placement in foster care. All you can do is provide him with a stable, loving home, including sound limit setting and discipline when necessary. It really will not help to 'force' smiles. As an aside, why do you refer to the child as he/she?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

For a child whose attachment ability is impaired due to early trauma or inadequate nurturing, psychotherapy is not particularly useful, particularly at the age of two. The experience of a stable, devoted family is the best therapy, if you will. It's important that you not take the behavior personally. If you do, you may end up rejecting this child, and that would only magnify the child's problems.

[afromom]

I refer to the child as he/she to protect the identity of the child.  I know that sounds strange, but this is the internet and people can find out all sorts of information.  Dr. Kennedy, I am concerned because some of his/her siblings also show signs of autism and emotional disturbances and I need to know why a therapist or psychologist under Medical Assistance won't see him/her.  I just want to provide this child with love and stability, but I am not able to break through his/her tough exterior.  The child has bonded with my husband, but the child refuses to like me.  For example, today the child told me that he didn't like me.