4 year old daughter will not listen, tried everything.

[krystynebby]

My 4 year old hasn't listened for quite some time now. She'll usually listen for everyone but me, and laughs when I use the corner method. Today she took it to a whole new level and threw the biggest temper tantrum in the middle of the store because I told her she couldn't get a toy because it was too expensive, and a lady bought it for her (after I said no). I've tried everything, from the corner, the time out bench, the firm (but not mean) voice, ignoring her whining and crying, telling her 4 year olds don't whine they act like big girls, taking toys away, everything possible. She doesn't care, she laughs at me. I feel like a failure and like I've done something wrong. Her dads not in her life(since she was about 1 1/2), and I work 35-40 hours a week. Don't know if it has to do with that, should I ask her doctors for a referral to a therapist? Need immediate advice, please!

[Kittykatt789]

My grandson was raped at the age of 4 by my nephew he told when was 5 after having trouble in school there is no DNA to prove he did it he told school council in detail what happen to him my baby is broken how do we help him threw this

[Sandman2]

    The main thing to remember is that at this age a child needs immediate, consistent reinforcement to change their behavior.  And it takes about two to three weeks of this type of reinforcement to see a lasting change.  One or two sessions will not make much of a difference, which is why she goes back to doing what she wants.    And while sitting on a bed and thinking about what she has done, could work with a 10/11 year old - it won't work with this age group.  
     A book that seems to be very helpful to parents is "SOS Help for Parents," by Lynn Clark.   You might want to check it out.     Another helpful book which you can find on Amazon is 1-2-3-Magic  - http://www.amazon.com/1-2-3-Magic-Effective-Discipline-Children/dp/0963386190
   Hope this helps.

[krystynebby]

I was 3 dollars short, because I had left my money in the car. It was a gift card she had received from a family member, and the price tag said 10 bucks but it ended up being 15. Either way though, I was standing there calming my child down and told her either we had to calm down and go pick out another toy or we would leave and go home and she would get nothing. I was picking her up and setig the toy on the counter to leave and the lady had already paid. She didn't get the toy until after she apologized, I made her sit on her bed without cartoons or toys for quite a while and think about why she acted like that, and made her go back in the store and apologize to the cashier for acting that way. She was good behaved for a while after that, than it started again with the attitude and not listening.

[RockRose]

Hmmm.  I wonder if the woman in the store thought you would love to give the toy to your child but just couldn't afford it?  So she bought it as a kind gesture to you?

Because I've done THAT before.  If someone is 5 bucks short on their grocery cart I'll take care of it for them sometimes.  

In rethinking this,  I bet the lady really thought she was doing you a kindness by allowing you to give your child that toy.

But still.

[RockRose]

I completely agree with SM.  Except in cases where children have neurological challenges,  tantrums are to get results.  

I hope you didn't give her the toy.

Plucking a screaming child up,  and walking immediately out of the situation works.  Whether it's at a birthday party,  a store,  a park,  etc.,  kids learn to stop misbehaving with just one warning if you will grab them up and walk out if they don't quit.

[specialmom]

I would not have accepted the toy from the lady.  I would have flat out not taken it or left it on the counter---  because thanks to that lady, your daughter has MORE confirmation that a tantrum works.  Why do kids throw tantrums?  To push the  limit and see if they can get their way?  (well, not always . . .  my son had a developmental issue and he had tantrums for different reasons but in this case, it seems pretty clear that it is to get something).  

What I did for tantrums in public places was I said before we went in that we were not getting any toys or 'things' like that and to not ask.  And that if any type of bad behavior or tantrum happened, we would leave.  And if the tantrum started. I left my cart right there, picked up my child and did the walk of shame out to the car.  I didn't yell, I didn't act rough.  I just took my sons out to the car, strapped them into their car seat and silently drove them home.  Then when they said "can I have juice"  later . . .   I'd sweetly say.  "No. Sorry. When you had a fit in the store and we had to leave, I wasn't able to get juice today."  It honestly did not take very many times of this to help them learn that I wasn't playing.  

I have walked out of a restaurant without eating.  I have left a full grocery cart.  I have left a birthday party.  Fit?  We go home immediately.  

If my kids scream in the car, I pull over and just sit there silently.  Freaks them out!  Now I hear them say "stop, mom's going to pull over."  in fear with one another that I'm going to pull over due to their behavior.  

Kids are not the ones in control hon.  The parents should be.  Do not allow her to be in control of you.  

That woman was wrong to buy that toy and I'd be so mad.  Sure, people do not like to hear screaming and crying and maybe she just wanted your daughter to be quiet . . .   but too bad.  That doesn't mean you give into her bad behavior because . .    ta da . . .   guess what she is going to do next time you are in a store?  It wont be bad though because you WANT her to do this again so she can get the proper lesson.  

good luck