Lonely forever?

[Eevea]

I need some serious help. Of course there is two sides to every problem but I need to know if I should take others advice or if I am seeing things clearly. I have a 9 year old daughter and an 8 year old son. I have been divorced for 4 years now and I have dated 3 men since then. One for only  2 weeks... I am going to school and I work 4 jobs. It's very stressful on our family but I always manage my time to get maximum amount with the children. The father is no longer in the picture, he remarried and just left. The problem seems to be something with my daughter. When I first started dating she seemed very eager to attach to Gerry but then he really did not warm up to her. He had no children at the time. The second relationship is, what I think, messed everything up worse. John was a very nice guy, never mean to the kids at all but did not like them either

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

With all the conflict that you describe, it would be prudent to arrange therapy for Victoria to help her make sense of all that is happened and to help her figure out how she can make some changes that would serve her better. The therapist may also be in a position to offer you some guidance.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It would be irresponsible for me to guide you about the relationship. There are clearly problems, but only you and he can figure that out. You might consider a few sessions with a couples therapist to help you make a decision about how to proceed.

[Eevea]

I have thought about that but I am afraid they are just going to try to medicate her. The school already did. She was on Adderall for 2 years. It made her very depressed and angry. I took her off of it and saw a huge improvement. So you don't think I should end the relationship. I am very concerned about further damage.

[Eevea]

I just can't stand to see her hurt this way. FYI, John blamed Victoria for our breakup. Please tell me someone has some good advice?

Sorry I had to make it in 4 posts, I had a lot of info to give out. I hope it's easy to understand.

[Eevea]

This usually happens after she tries to talk to him and he brushes her off but he doesn't see it that way at all. There are many time that I see him do it and bring it to his attention because it bothers me very badly but he denies it. Now Lexi has been going to her grandma's house and saying the things that Victoria says so he felt the need to throw that in my face today. Lexi is not exactly perfect so it's very hard for me to punish my children given her behavior, which he also denies. She is mean and very very spoiled. I really do care for her a lot and we have a good relationship, Lexi and I, but it seems to be getting to the point where Lexi and Andy are perfect and Victoria is the devil and it's all her fault. I do not know what to do. I understand why she is acting this way but the reactions on Lexi and Andy is making me want to just call the whole thing off and never be with anyone else again.

[Eevea]

Now it just seems to be getting worse and worse. He, foolishly, blames her and says that the problem is that she doesn't like the fact that he has rules with Lexi, but I know my daughter, I can see her get frustrated. It has gotten to the point where she tries with him but he has a cold uncaring tone with her and then a sweet caring tone with lexi. She just gets so angry and refuses too respect him after that. Now this has developed over a few weeks to a month. I have tried punishment, talking, taking things away etc. Her behavior has gotten really bad. Yet, everyday she asks if they are coming over and gets upset when they don't. I have caught her telling Lexi that she should not listen to her father and she is very disrespectful with Andy.

[Eevea]

We were together for 2 years but he couldn't even carry a conversation with them and after them trying so hard to connect with him I saw that they got frustrated and angry. That relationship ended on the soul base that he did not like children. I started seeing Andy about a year ago. He has a 4 year old daughter himself and was divorced 3 years ago. We took the relationship very very slow, It was not until about 2 months ago that we talked to the kids (before that they just came over for play dates with his daughter). A few months before though, Victoria started to get mouthy with Andy and would not respect him or his rules with Lexi. Now this may sound bad but Andy stopped giving her the personal attention that he used too. There was a period of time that Andy had gotten frustrated because he wanted more in the relationship then I was willing to give so we fought on and off for a few months. That was resolved but there was, I feel, a connection that was severed between Any and Victoria