My 12 year old daughters bad thoughts

[Kaykam]

Hi everyone: I need advise. When my daughter was in the 6th grade, she started having bad thoughts. Thoughts such as I hate my mom, do I want to hurt myself? Why am I thinking of hurting myself? My mom is fat, I just looked at that students paper, am I trying to copy? and even some sexual thoughts about boys or doing things to herself. She has told me ALL her thoughts and cries. She tells me she's sorry and doesn't understand why she is having these thoughts.

My response to her is everyone has thoughts; our brains sometimes do crazy things but that's all they are; thoughts. And no matter what, I will always love her. No matter what her bad thoughts are saying about me, it doesn't matter because I know her and know she really loves me. This lasted about 3 to 4 months. It was so hard watching her go through this.

In the summer it got better. Now she's in the 7th grade and the thoughts have returned. I don't know what else to tell her but what I've been telling her before. I say whenever she catches herself thinking a bad thought, think of a happy thought, like times when we were playing WII just dance and how funny I looked, or the times we go skating, anything to direct her brain a different direction. She's really trying but I can tell she is still depressed because these thoughts won't go away.

I would like to tell you a little bit of my daughter so maybe it gives you a better idea what kind of girls she is. She is a great student. She gets very good grades and is involved in band. She goes to church and has a very strong faith. Both her dad and I are very close to both our daughters. Although we are divorced, we have remained good friends and know how important it is for both of us to be in our girls lives. We are both very involved in their everyday needs and make sure to make time for them. My daughter is a great girl. We have a great mother/daughter relationship and she confides in me in everything. It just sickens me that she is going through this because I hate seeing her hurt. I want to hug her and protect her from harm but how can I help her when I don't even know why she is having these thoughts. We've spoken to the school counselor and her Dr. but the school counselor was quick to want to send her to a Psychiatrist and although I'm not against her seeing one, I want to make sure I've done all I can do and I don't want the Psychiatrist telling me she needs to be on meds. I understand meds are necessary sometimes but in my opinion, as a last resort. I also feel and prey that it may just be her hormones going crazy and her menstrual cycle may be just around the corner but does it take her body 2 years to get ready for this? She is a late bloomer and she's very petite.

Am I alone here? I would really love to hear some of your thoughts and advise.

Sincerely,
Kaykam

[Rach2021]

My daughter is 10 nearly 11 this has gone on for just over a year. Shes scared of people dying, shes scared she kills herself! She confesses all the time to tiny things, shes talked of sexual things. I took her to cahms she will be starting CBT soon. I'm worried sick about my beautiful angel and she is beautiful!! She started young with seams on socks or laces on shoes, will only wear leggings then into moved onto death, then killing herself or others, then sexual thoughts. Is it an age thing, shes in year 6 at present. Her dads in Navy shes even came out with her thoughts tell her she doesn't love her dad but I know she does. It's now moved onto staying up late and how will people perceive her if she goes early. Weddings birthdays, holidays she can't enjoy them as she fears something bad will happen. She said she has pictured herself in bed in hospital and all her friends their this then brings on a panic attack. She has lots of friends and is popular on the days no friends are around her she is low. They say it's anxiety and borderline OCD. When it happens I cam seem to know when it's going to and the next day you can guarantee she tells me shes having bad thoughts. Reading all the comments is like reading about my daughter id be interested to know any outcomes and how the children overcame it and if they are all okay .

[Emma_x_x_x]

I always get that when its winter but when its the summer im fine, ive been wanting to go to the doctors for ages but i havent but ive read its a sort of depression which is caused by the weather. Its just best to always be by her side and make sure she doesnt hurt herself as it just makes it worse the more she does it. I hope i helped a little bit.

[Juliemc75]

Hi I know this post is a few years old but Im goin through something similar with my almost 13 year old daughter. Is there light at the end of the tunnel. My daughter is from a loving stable home, out of the blue in January she told us she cld hear and see people, that was wld hear screaming or whispering. We prayed through this and a lot of it calmed down. But call it mothers instinct, yesterday we were talking and I felt she wasn't sharing something with me, I was right, she has been seeing "something" at night, it scares her but she can't scream or move, this has been happening for 5 nights. Today we were trying to find out what else is happening. Eventually she said she finds it difficult to explain/talk about it, she said there is a "thought" but it's not her thought as its so horrifying, basically the thought is about death, it started with her little brother, but cld be anyone. We have an appointment with doctor on Friday. It's just so scary as a parent, you want your child to have a normal healthy childhood, you question your parenting, it's breaking my heart. She is a very talented well performing child, determined in everything she does. She has good friends, not lots but enough. I don't know if anyone will read this and be able to say there is light at the end of the tunnel x

[EddieED]

Hi , I was wondering how is everything with your daughter? Because I am going through this with my son , he gets bad thoughts and cries to me and my wife . He is a very good student as well, if you can give any advice it would be nice . Thank you

[janie2013]

Hi your situation sounds just like my situation with my daughter. My 12 yr old daughter also starting having bad thoughts in the 6th grade. She is now in the 7th grade and will be 13 in a week. Her bad thoughts only come at night at bedtime and not every night but every now and then. She lives with me and my husband and 2 younger siblings. She also is an honor roll student and in advanced classes. She is very shy and quiet. She helps me out alot w/ chores and her younger siblings. I dont understand why she gets these thoughts. When I ask what she is thinking she responds that she is afraid to lose me. She is afraid of me and her dying. She asks me where is she going when she dies. She states she is ugly and doesnt have alot of friends. She is very beautiful and everyone like friends and family tell me she is very pretty and smart and that I am very blessed to have a gifted and talented child. I also have thought about her seeing a therapist. Im glad to know im not the only one going thru this. Thanks for your post.  

[whattodo12]

Wow, your daughter sounds just like my daughter.  Have you found any answers?? I am at a loss of what to do!!

[allmymarbles]

Her problem is not her thoughts, but guilt about her thoughts. From whom does she get the over-weaning sense of guilt? Try to track that down if you can.

[Kaykam]

I'm sorry; I forgot to answer some of your questions about her school situation. My daughter has a best friend that we really approve of. She is very sweet and comes from a great family. She does have other friends however no one that she hangs out with on a day to day basis. I know she has witnessed kids being mean or cussing, especially on the bus, and at school. We don't allow her on the computer unless we are around and have even stuck to our guns about no Facebook until highschool, which is hard for her because she sees cousins and friends that have Facebook. She does watch the Disney channel but doesn't like watching any of my shows with me because she's scared she may see something inappropriate which I understand but at the same time, my shows, such as Modern Family, When I met your Mother are comedy shows, not to be taken seriously and sometimes I wish she could let her guard down and laugh; not take life so seriously. I grew up watching some shows with my parents and grew up on Greese; looking back, that probably wasn't the best show for kids, but I didn't take it seriously. Shows didn't effect me like they do her. She's very sensitive and is a pleaser. I tell her that it's okay to be like this but she needs to take the time to take care of herself first. She needs to be a kid and enjoy life. I just want to see her laugh more. I miss that. She wasn't like this in elementary school so yes I think junior high along with the changes and stress of more homework and seeing and hearing things for the first time on a more regular basis from other school kids, I do believe it has to do with the environment she is in right now and just maybe we may have protected her a bit much all these years.

[Kaykam]

Thank you so much for both your imput. I've been doing some research online and was surprised to see other parents going through some of the same issues. Many have also said it may be a form of an anxiety disorder or a form of OCD. I have spoken with her father and have decided to find a specialist for this, but first I think it would be best if both of us speak to them without Kayla. Would I be looking for a doctor that specializes in mental illness? Psychiatrist? Behavorial Health? I'm looking on our insurance providers health plan page and their are so many catagories to chose from :(. I'm sorry, I just don't know where to start. I'll make another phone call to her pediatrician tomorrow morning.

Thank you again for taking the time to respond to my post. I really appreciate it :)

Sincerely,
Kaykam

[Ashelen]

Margy gave some good tips..I would say, if it's something that's coming with the school year and disappearing with summer and then reappearing...it sounds like she has an issue dealing with stress, which is fairly normal. However, she's not rationalizing things the way she should, and a counselor might be able to help her sort things out and learn effective methods to cope with stress and what sounds to be a budding case of depression. You could always see a psychologist, I believe they're the ones that can't prescribe meds? Couldn't hurt! Good luck, you sound like your heart is breaking for your little girl and my heart is breaking for BOTH of you...she sounds like a great kid with just some issues coping with the stress she's under. being smart and being good at things doesn't mean you don't feel the stress of success.

[margypops]

Kaykam I can tell how much you care for your daughter , it sounds to me like you are a very caring mom.My first thought on reading your post was ..has she friends who perhaps dont lead as good a background as you have told us here .,would she have heard any bad things from others .Ask her Teacher if you dont know who she is hanging out with , has she access to the PC and texting ?I just get the feeling there is more going on to cause this issue .Yes some of it indeed could be hormones , but I doubt very much the thoughts she has about you would be.,It certainly wont hurt to ask your Doctor what he thinks .I agree about the meds unless it is necessary  Check out what else is happening in her life .

[Kaykam]

Sorry, I meant "PRAY" not prey