My 5 year old controls my mood

[sulli1116]

My 5 year old girl is very difficult to deal with at times.  She is very argumentive, stubborn and extremely unpredictable.  I have been in the child care field for over 14 years and she makes me feel like i have never worked with kids a day in my life.  Her biggest issue is that she gets angry very easily and yells at her peers.  If she doesn't like something she becomes upset and cries or stomps off.  When i try to talk with her about why she is upset she grunts at me and within seconds will cjange the subject or look around me at the tv or whatever else is behind me... she avoids the confrontation.  I've tried connecting with her when she is behaving or in a good mood and she hears me and agrees to try to make better choices but then will react the same way again.  I fear she will not be able to make friends and that teachers who have her will feel annoyed to be around her.  She is an extremely smart child and thinks in a way not many others her age do.  She understands things that are way over her head and this makes it difficult because i feel like i'm dealing with a small adult.  She begins public school in the fall and i am literally scared for myself and the teacher who will be blessed with her.  i have a 12 year old boy who is the model child--- straight A's, athletic, respectful, considerate and caring.  Where did i go wrong with this one?  Her temperment is boggling.... PLease help.

[bluelady3478]

sorry it has took me a couple days to reply bk...no my daughter isnt on any meds.....i waiting to have no other options...to the best i understand meds doesnt help with odd..but here is something i copied for u......hope it helps.....if u have yahoo..u r welcomed to ad me as a friend siera112000.....Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)
What is it?
ODD is a psychiatric disorder that is characterized by two different sets of problems. These are aggressiveness and a tendency to purposefully bother and irritate others. It is often the reason that people seek treatment. When ODD is present with ADHD, depression, tourette's, anxiety disorders, or other neuropsychiatric disorders, it makes life with that child far more difficult. For Example, ADHD plus ODD is much worse than ADHD alone, often enough to make people seek treatment. The criteria for ODD are:

A pattern of negativistic, hostile, and defiant behavior lasting at least six months during which four or more of the following are present:
1. Often loses temper
2. often argues with adults
3. often actively defies or refuses to comply with adults' requests or rules
4. often deliberately annoys people
5. often blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior
6. is often touchy or easily annoyed by others
7. is often angry and resentful
8. is often spiteful and vindictive
The disturbance in behavior causes clinically significant impairment in social, academic, or occupational functioning.


i got this from klis.com............hope it helps

[Agiesmom]

I would make sure that your expectations are reasonable--expecting her to behave like your model child son or expecting her to behave older because she seems older (since she's intelligent) may be adding to your frustration.

My 11yo son is spirited (check out the book "Raising Your Spirited Child") and he has matured and figured a lot of it out for the most part, but it wasn't easy for him or me and he still has his moments.

Kids like this, generally speaking, don't work for daycare providers and teachers whose worlds are rocked by a non-compliant, "difficult" child.  They obviously prefer model children, who do as they are told and are not disruptive--why wouldn't they...their jobs are easier and the classroom runs more smoothly with kids like that.  But there are teachers out there who embrace and look at spirited kids as a challenge--and genuinely care and want to help (I have found that a lot of teachers of gifted and talented kids are like this).  I would go to the school ahead of time and tell them that you would like a teacher who will be able to lovingly redirect her and keep her interested and busy, so she doesn't end up hating school.  Or maybe look into a private or Montessori school for her.

As far as when she's home, I would keep her SO busy.  My son has had a trampoline for years and when he starts getting wound up, I send him out to jump.  Get her a punching bag, take her on walks, have her paint, get her a musical instrument, sign her up for dance or martial arts, have her help you cook and bake.  These are things I have done for my son and it's all been very helpful.

[sulli1116]

Thank You for commenting on my post.  I appreciate just knowing i'm not alone in this.  I love my daughter very very much and like you i get angry with myself for not having more patience.  I feel guilty because i do way more redirecting and preventing issues than playing and interacting with her.  I thought about having her screened for add but she is missing a lot of the signs associated with it.  She is very able to focus on tasks, but it has to be on her terms and coincide with her mood.  She is not ever aggressive just very loud and verbally blunt.  As for odd... i know what it syands for but not much more than that.... Oppositional is her middle name!  I will have to look into it more.  Is your daughter on any medication or in any behavioral counseling?  If you don't want to share i understand.  I'm just curios and need to do something about my situation soon.  My patience is running thin.   Thank You for your help.

[bluelady3478]

i understand completely how u feel.... my daughter is also 5 and for about the last 4 yrs i feel as though my life revolves around my daughters disorders instead of her......she is adhd and odd...i feel like i cant never just enjoy being mommy...and i hate myself for not having more patience with her but the worse is i will go for months telling her everyday how much i love her and her never saying it bk....anyways some of the things u mentioned sounds alot like her .....changing of subject, becoming upset easily, being a smart child and not thinking like children her age.. feeling like ur dealing with a small adult......the reason i listed this is b/c my daughter knows things and understands things i have never discussed with her or in front of her.......she is very observant to everything and u would never know it.......she can being running wild through the house and yet she can tell u everything that is going on..... she is highly intelligent....hate to admit it but she is smarter then me....anyway what im getting to is she may have a behavorial disorder of some sort......im no doctor......i just know what i go through with my little 1 and she can be extremely violent sometimes and she is always argumentive....anyways sorry i babbled on for so long