My 6 year old daughter and 4 year old bephew doing bad stuff

[Lizzy91809]

I am absolutely stressed out.  My sister in law baby sits my 2 kids and she has 2 kids as well . Well she was putting her youngest to sleep while my youngest was asleep . My 6yr old daughter n 4yr old Nephew were left alone for a bit. My sister walks out of ger room to find my daughter on top of my nephew . So she asked them what were you doing , and come to find iut my daughter was on top of him , she admits it was her idea , and then my nephew says she licked his wee wee and that he told her to lick it. I asked both of them where they saw it and they said no where that they dont know . But i am so emotional over this , i have taught ny daughter since she was small that no one can touch her down their and that she shouldnt touch anyone either . I cant seem to stop crying ... i dont know what to think or how to feel . Am i a bad mom ? Shes never caught me and her dad having sex or doing anything like that . I mean is this something i should be afraid of ?  I mean i yelled and i screamed and i did spank her but because i have taught her not to do this stuff . I just cant get over it . I feel so horrible that my daughter was doing that .

[AnnieBrooke]

I sure second the notion that your reaction was far worse than the problem, and it will be impressive if she is able to shrug it off and grow up without shame and guilt about sexuality and have a normal attitude about it.  See a therapist to figure out where *your* stuff came from, that was way over-the-top compared to the situation.  When my husband was a little boy his mom and another mom found him and a little girl in bed, not doing much of anything but with their clothes off.  The moms just picked them up and took them home.  He laughs about it now; if his mom had acted like a sexually hung-up drama queen having a meltdown, who knows what conclusions he would have drawn and what shame he would have built into his mind about sex.

In your shoes, I might (if you can, now that all the bombs have been dropped), be wanting some day to find out what gave the kids the idea.  That is a little unusual (the licking the pee-pee) for someone who has never even heard of the idea; she must have picked it up somewhere, such as a wrong channel on TV, another kid saying something, or even (we hope not) an adult exposing her to things beyond her years.  But right now you really have to be very careful and gentle and backpedal on all the freaking out that you did, so she is not feeling horrible and ashamed.

[Lizzy91809]

You both are absolutely right , i can see where i went wrong. You know growing up for me,  we never talked about sex , never . I mean i judt knew that we wernt supposed to do it . But when i was small one of my cousins a female , would always put me in thr restroom and ask me to do things to her , and because no one ever told me not to do that or for someone to do that to anyone , i didnt really know if it was ok , so i never said anything . And when i found about what my daughter n her cousin were doing i couldnt help but think of me when i was a kid . I know i messed up , but i have talked to her since then , i have held her n told her shes a child and that thats something that doesnt matter until she is older , that those are things gor adults,  i repeated over and over again how much i loved her . I asked many times where she saw that and she has explained that she was on top cuz she saw it on tv but that her 4 year old cousin was the one that told her to lick him down their , and he admitted to that aswell . And well all i can do is pray that this doesnt happen again . And that she asks me as many questions as she can and that i have the answers . But i absolutely agree with you guys i over reacted. I shouldn't have done that. I just honestly felt horrible , i felt like since she was little ive taught her that someone touching her or her doing that is wrong . And i feel like i expect so much more from her because shes such a smary girl. But i have to remeber she is a child,  and she is curious . But thank you guys for your honesty and your words , i defenitely see where i webt wrong . And i will defenitely try communicating more with my baby instead of screaming and yelling . I appreciate u guys .

[Nece1799]

Yelling, screaming and spanking is never going to solve the problem. It's not really even a problem. It just needs to be talked about in an unemotional way that makes your child feel safe and loved. In a way that teaches boundaries and helps her understand appropriate behavior. Children younger than them experiment. That's why we're here; to parent and guide them. If this is stressing you out so much that you can't have a conversation with your daughter about it, seek professional help for your family. A therapist will be able to guide you in how to talk to your daughter about this.