My 8 yr old daughter is out of control

[CountryMama1981]

My 8 yr old step-daughter keeps lying to me non stop, she told me that she was touched by her father's friends when she was staying there and that they exposed themselves to her. But then she takes it back and changes her story. We're doing the best to explain to her that it's not her fault and we've even brought DCS into it and they have been ordered to stay away from our daughter. The last time she seen those people she screamed, cried and stayed away from them when we seen them around town.
Then she's also lying about stealing food, after we just ate a huge meal for supper. She ruins people's stuff that isn't hers and she doesn't even feel bad about it. She took my youngest son who's 2 down from a chair and threw him on the floor and hurt his head numerous times. We are at a loss for what to do. We love her and show her it non stop but it hurts when we try to help her and she throws us to the wolves so to speak. She even hugs on her teachers non stop at school, but when she gets home from the bus stop she just says hi; no hug nothing. Almost like we're not good enough to hug but the people at school are. We've put her in the corner for all her acting up. Any help would be appreciated. Thank you again.

[specialmom]

How are things going with your step daughter?  Did you manage though the holidays?

[CountryMama1981]

Well my fiancée and my step daughter moved out. To see if he can get to the bottom of the underlining problem that's wrong with her. We're not sure if the doctor even really diagnosed her correctly in the first place with ADHD., her egg donor has a lot of mental issues, so he's working on getting them worked out. Because it's tearing my other children apart. My 3 kids just can't deal with all the pain of her hurting them, not thinking and almost burning our home down, taking my then little 1 yr old and throwing him onto the floor without even thinking and everyone told her not to touch the baby. She just doesn't care. I pray he can get her the help that she deserves and needs. Thank you for the help and it is all very appreciated. I will keep everything you've written in mind, my fiancée also says Thank you. I will keep you up to date as soon as I can. Thank you again

[Sandman2]

Oh, this must be heartbreaking for you...especially when she is so young.   My first thought is to ignore the lying and deal with what ever she is lying about.  Too many times the focus is on the lying and not what is causing the lying.
  She does show several characteristics of someone with adhd.   How is she doing at school...grade wise and with social contacts?  Does she have friends?

She should be in third grade?  How is she doing in math?  It sounds like she is working really hard at getting acceptance from her teachers.  Is that because she is not doing as well at school as she would like to?  Have you talked with this years teachers?

Is she on any medication?  How long ago did you see the psychologist that you mentioned in your last reply?

Oh, when she gets home from school,  does she seem really tired?

[CountryMama1981]

She's doing great in school, she has friends. Shes in 2nd grade because she had been previously living with those people we mentioned it was only for about 4 months before her and her dad moved in with us. That's why she's a bit delayed in school but she is in 2nd grade and she does good in math.
Yes we have talked to the teachers. They said she's a great student., she also has adhd and she is on good medication the psychologists she hadn't seen for about 6 or 7 months and they didn't even try to help her in any way.
When she gets home from school she seems like she's full of energy and wanting to do whatever she wants.

[Sandman2]

Well, pretty much because I am also the CL on the adhd site - https://www.medhelp.org/forums/ADD---ADHD/show/175 - I  pretty much thought this was what was going on.  Its kind of common.  Its just so unfortunate that you have not had any help in understanding this.  So many times the pill is seen as a magic fix...and while it really, really does help....there is still so much that needs to be done.

So what you need is information, lots of it.  And, I don't want to give too much at once.  Let me say this.  It sounds like to me that when she gets home her meds have started to wear off ...hence the energy (and quite probably the lack of affection).  

I would like to know what med she is now on.  It is very possible that a simple dosage change might help.   Food wise....meds reduce your appetite.  She may well be not eating her lunch and starving when she gets home?

But lying was your main question.  So lets deal with just that for now.  The fact that DCS told those people to stay away from your daughter does suggest she was not lying about that.  However, adhd kids do lie.  It was my first tip that she might have adhd and hence my question to you.   I am going to list two very good links on lying.  Why kids with adhd lie and how to help them.  Take the time to read them....they have a lot of info.
    https://www.understood.org/en/learning-attention-issues/child-learning-disabilities/add-adhd/adhd-and-lying-what-you-need-to-know?cm_ven=ExactTarget&cm_cat=050316_UpdatedEnglishNewsletter_PB&cm_pla=All+Subscribers&cm_ite=https%3a%2f%2fwww.understood.org%2fen%2flearning-attention-issues%2fchild-learning-disabilities%2fadd-adhd%2fadhd-and-lying-what-you-need-to-know&cm_ainfo=&utm_campaign=newsletter&utm_source=generalnews&utm_medium=email&utm_content=050316_UpdatedEnglishNewsletter_PB&&&&

https://www.additudemag.com/why-lie-adhd-fight-flight-freeze/?utm_source=eletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=treatment_august_2018&utm_content=082318

Wow, that first link is really long.  Let me know if you can't get to it.

I am including one other link because it deals with when your child gets home from school.  I think that at least part of it will be helpful to you...and perhaps more later on.  The link is
        https://www.additudemag.com/meltdowns-after-school-when-adhd-meds-wear-off/?utm_source=eletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=school_december_2018&utm_content=121918&goal=0_d9446392d6-447754c540-288363009

   As I said, there is so much information that you should have gotten, but have not.  Just so I don't overload you.  Pick one thing that you really need more info on and I will try to help.  My past experience (of well over 6000 posts) says that it is better to take this step by step.

I hope this helps.   I just am so sorry that you haven't gotten more info.  Dealing with a child with adhd is very different then dealing with a child who does not have it.  And as you have probably noticed, the normal parenting techniques don't always work.    Best wishes!

[CountryMama1981]

Thank you for the links. I will check them out of course one at a time. Thank you for your help and I will do my best to keep you updated.

[specialmom]

I'm sorry for all you are going through.  Sounds very hard to deal with.  I'm not sure what happened with the visitor in your home she claimed touched her but she does seem to be acting out in emotional distress. All of her behavior seems that way.  Have you considered having he work with a child psychologist?  That could help uncover what may be under the surface.  Does her bio mom come into the picture at all?

[CountryMama1981]

We've tried psychologists but it didn't work. She ignored them and just played like no one was there. Her bio mom doesn't care what happens to her...we told her there's a possibility that she was touched by her mom's own ex husband and she didn't even bat an eye lash.