My sisters

[christinablue]

I have be given custody of my brother(17) and my two sisters (7 and 4). I am 20. I went into foster care when i was about 4 or 5 and stayed there until i was 18. but i still stayed in contact with my siblings. Now that they are living with me they are happy little kids but their "honeymoon" period is over. My 7 year old sister samantha weighs 135 pounds. I have started making her eat friut for snacks and she goes outside and plays alot now but she is still stealing food in the middle of the night. I will go in her room and find a loaf of bread under her mattress and other foods in her dresser and her toy box but then she says she didn't do it. I have told her if she is hungry all she has to do is ask but my brother says she did this at home too. I am not sure what to do she is already extremely overweight and she does eat right at my house. My other sister who is 4 stefi gets very violent and she doesn't like to eat. I recently had to get rid of my cat because she broke several of his bones. I was also told when she was at home she killed their cat and the neighbors puupy. and what bothers me the most is when they sleep they will not sleep in diferent beds and they scream all night long once they are asleep they say they aren't have bad dreams but I have never heard a child scream as loud as they do when they are sleeping. They have a mental health evaluation coming up but it isn't until march. I am not sure what to do I am only 20 and I don't know how to be a parent. I take care of them, feed them read them bedtime stories give them a bath help them with there homework and everything else a parent is suppose to do but i don't really know of what to do. I don't want to wait until march when they see a doctor and i have tried to get them in sooner. and I have tried to talk to their case manger but she said they have limited resources because budget cuts.
thanks
Christina

[ParentWithoutManual]

First you must keep having patience.  Your siblings have been used to living certain ways and it will take a long time to change those habits.  Set up routines and stick to them.  Once they see that things will be the same regardless, i am sure that they will come around, but this could take months.  Hold your ground as their parent and not as their friend.  As far as stealing food goes, maybe her meal portions could be bigger or add extra stuff.  For example, instead of chicken, mashed potatoes,and broccoli, add some cheese to the broccoli, add some raisins to part of the meal or some nuts.  Also add healthy snacks throughout the day.  If she is determined to eat then make it healthy stuff.  Hang in there, girl.  They never said life was easy.  This is who you are and keep working at it.  I know some people have it so easy but there are some of us who have it rough, that doesn't mean we should slack or give up.  Die trying!  When you go to that evaluation, don't be nervous about all of these medical terms that they will throw at you.  If you can, try to get the kids involved in karate cause it teaches discipline.  I wish you well.

[momagain59]

I admire you for what you are doing to keep your family together but I do not envy you. You are too young to have to take on all of this responsibility. I hate to tell you but their case manager is full of it. I would go sit in their office, tell them it is an emergency, which it is and let them know what all is going on. Please do not lose yourself while you are trying to help all of your siblings. Do you receive a check each month for these children? Do they provide respite care and insurance for them? It makes me so angry that DFS will put children off on people just because they are relatives and not give them the same support that they would be expected to give to foster parents. Do not feel guilty if you cannot continue to care for your siblings. You did not put them in this situation. I know you love them or you wouldn't have taken them in but they may need more than you can give them.

[cbs62]

You are facing a huge responsibility and the fact that you're on these boards looking for answers says a lot about who you are and what you want for these kids.  Hang in there and continue to try things like time outs, ignoring, maintaining composure.  That is hard for ANYONE much less a young woman like yourself who has become a parent before you necessarily wanted to be one.

I hope there is someone out there to help you.  Please ask those around you (ie-Church folks, trusted neighbors, etc) if you need assistance.  Women tend to "do it on their own" but that is nearly impossible.  It is a sign of strength, not weakness, to ask for help!!

Good luck to you and hang in there.  It sounds like you are the best thing that has ever happened to these kids...

[christinablue]

I do give her these Flintstones vitamins she seems to like them. I am in the process of getting different food in the house. i am a college student so i don't eat that healthy. I have already gotten rid of the junk food now i just have to find healthy food that they will eat. I tried time outs but she just hits me and runs around screaming but once i get her to sit there and stay there as soon as she gets out she goes right back to the same thing that got her in trouble in the first place. the house work thing i already do but not as a consequence i let them help me clean the house i think that makes them feel important. I always let them pick out what they want to wear the 7 year old never matches but the 4 year old is completely obsessed with it every little thing has to match with her. i try really hard not to let them see me upset. thanks for the advice    

[Encephalomalcia]

I, too, have a 4-year-old that does not like to eat.  I can hear her stomach growl and she still does not want to eat.  I give her a multiple vitamin a day.  Whatever she chooses she gets to eat.  I try not to make food an issue.  For overweight children, it is quite common to hide food in the bedroom.  I would not buy any snack food or high calorie food.  This will limit her to what she can bring to her bedroom.  The thing with overweight children is sometimes they become anorexic in the yearly teenager years.  So, again try not to make food an issue, just watch what you buy so she is limited as to what she can choose to hide in her bedroom.  Also, make sure she gets exercise.  Children now are so out of shape.  It is good that you are young.  You will have the energy to keep up with them.   Sometimes children do carry on at night while sleeping.  It can be due to the deep sleep patterns and sometimes have nothing to do with anything bothering them.  Children talk, scream, and can walk in their sleep.  All of my four girls talk in their sleep and sometimes scream.  Keep animals away from the 4 year old.  If she starts hitting or getting abusive toward the other children you can try timeouts or housework.  Housework works so much better for us than timeouts.  If they have the energy to be mean, than they have the energy to do housework and work the meanness out.  Always remain calm and in control in any situation that happens.  Let the children choose what they want such as what they want to wear etc.  I find that if a child wants to wear something that I think doesn't quite match, it is much better to let the child wear it.  Don't sweat the little things.