Normal Childhood Experimenting?

[illustrator21]

I have always been very embarrassed about this. At times I even seem to forget about it and push it to the back of my mind because I don't want to think about it. When I was a child I remember spending a lot of time at my grandparents houses because my parents worked a lot. I am female by the way. A few times my younger boy cousin would visit during the day as well. There was a little bit of an age difference. I was 9/10 and he was 4/5  I suppose since I wasn't talked to much about sexuality, when I got older and heard things about kissing and sex and appropriate names for private parts I wanted to know more. I remember building a blanket fort underneath the dining room table and watching the television from there. Once I pulled him on top of me and talked him in to kissing me. Not like a peck, but a longer kiss. Eventually i tried to put my tongue in his mouth, but he wouldn't let me so I stopped immediately. I suppose at that point I realized that that was inappropriate and it never happened again. Actually not until I was 15 (my first real kiss). He seems to be young enough where he either doesn't remember or he just doesn't want to because he has never mentioned anything or acted weird around me.  I know that children experiment with their sexuality when they are younger, but since it was with my cousin and he was younger than me I was curious if this was still normal behavior and if I have potentially scarred my cousin. (I am 21 and he is almost 16). My cousin and I are still very close and every time we are around each other I can't help but think if he remembers. I am just very ashamed of all of this and I haven't been able to get past it. I think that I just need someone to say its okay for me to be able to get over it.

[specialmom]

Yes get over it.  Granted, it is gross that you were 9 or 10 and tongue kissed a four year old cousin . . .  but it probably didn't do him any harm.  I'd actively turn this image off in your head.  And as you get older, these types of things fade.  Move on and don't dwell on this.  good luck

[jemma116]

Yes, it is OK for you to get over it.

Lots of children experiment due to curiosity.  

You tried to put your tongue into his mouth, he wouldn't let you and you stopped.  End of story. Put it out of your mind now and move on.

[Life360_Dave]

Hi, yes its ok. Just kids fooling around. He most likely does remember this and thats why your still close to this day.