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Our 6 year old grandson is uncontrollable.......
My husband and I have had custody of our Grandson since birth because my daughter was mentally unable to care for him. Even though we love him dearly and devote everything we have to him, he doesn't seem to appreciate it. Kylan (Grandson) was diagnosed with ADHD several years ago and has been on medication; Methyline and Medadate. The Medadate has been increased several times to a 40mg dosage.It doesn't seem to be working any more and he is becoming extremely out of control. Kylan is a very intelligent boy but REFUSES to listen to anyone and is very OUT OF CONTROL.I want to get him help and straightened out before it is too late. It has become so bad and stressful that it is starting to come between my husband's and my relationship. My husband told me that it is getting to the point to where either Kylan or him is going to have to go. I love my husband and Kylan very much and don't want to be faced with this situation because of an out of control 6 year old. PLEASE HELP ME WITH ANY ADVICE . Thank you !!!!!
One other thing I would suggest is to teach your grandson to work on his breathing. Maybe even learn to meditate, when he gets too excited. Also it may be time to get him new medication, or like my sister Diva said maybe it's time to take a more natural approach. Not only fish oil, but you can give him evening primrose oil, and that is supposed to help calm him down.
No one should ever be asked to pick between the person they love and a child, That is not fair to anyone to even be asked that.
No one should ever be asked to pick between the person they love and a child, That is not fair to anyone to even be asked that.
I am actually EXTREMELY glad I found this post, as my 5 yr old is doing the EXACT same thing, and I am actually just about to my breaking point. He too was diagnosed with ADHD at age 4 (well it was actually just before his 4th birthday) .. He was also diagnosed with ODD, Insomnia, and OCD Tendencies as well... and things just keep getting worse here too :((
Totally agree with last post..great feedback, I would also suggest a good food supplement VitC and Vit B Complex have in fact been shown by experts to be as good as giving a child Ritalin without horrendous side effects ..good luck
I am so glad to hear that you stepped up to the plate to care for this kiddo. I've seen some tragic instances around me where children entered into foster care because no one could/would help out. I doubt it would help your Grandson at all to send him away. He needs an unconditional support group, which is you and your DH. My midwife used to jokingly tell me "no returns!" after my DD was born. Even though she was being silly, she had a point. When you make a commitment to care for a child it's not something you should take back. It's not fair for Grandpa to make demands like that.
My DD too has some developmental issues too. She isn't violent and never has been. But, no matter what I wouldn't consider medicating her. It's a tricky situation to use medication that alters your brain. Sometimes it is necessarily, but I think more often it is not. There are more natural ways to deal with a difficult child like fish oil and therapeutic play like specialmom said. I would also be careful about letting a doctor take advantage of you and get you to agree to things that you aren't comfortable with. I've fought long and hard with doctors over my lifespan. I know my rights as a parent and individual and I have made some doctors SO ANGRY. But, unless it's a matter of safety or the law, I have the final call and I make it VERY clear that if you don't acknowledge that you don't get to be the doctor!
My DD too has some developmental issues too. She isn't violent and never has been. But, no matter what I wouldn't consider medicating her. It's a tricky situation to use medication that alters your brain. Sometimes it is necessarily, but I think more often it is not. There are more natural ways to deal with a difficult child like fish oil and therapeutic play like specialmom said. I would also be careful about letting a doctor take advantage of you and get you to agree to things that you aren't comfortable with. I've fought long and hard with doctors over my lifespan. I know my rights as a parent and individual and I have made some doctors SO ANGRY. But, unless it's a matter of safety or the law, I have the final call and I make it VERY clear that if you don't acknowledge that you don't get to be the doctor!
Hi there. Oh, so very hard and I must say that I feel terrible for all parties involved. I so so hope you can work this out.
Your boy is young and must have been young to receive an add/adhd diagnosis. Six years old has been the starting point for that diagnosis as a standard for many years. There are a number of reasons why and part of it is due to the great variability in development in kids younger than that. Not many have great impulse control and make unsafe choices as well as not completely know how to handle their emotions appropriately. At 6, many kids start to get better at these things.
I had a difficult child as well. Whew------ he was a lot of work and I was very very worried about him. He was diagnosed with something called sensory integration disorder. Have you ever heard of this? It can look very much like adhd and is also directly related to the nervous system like add/adhd. My son was diagnosed at 4 and I thank my lucky starts that we found the right diagnosis as he could have just as easily been diagnosed with add/adhd as many get these two confused.
My son was highly volatile and if he got upset, it would last for a LONG time and be extreme. He wandered his preschool room, had peer interaction problems, was noncompliant, didn't want to do things like color, avoided anything he found difficult, would knock over other kids blocks, made choices that were unsafe, had aversion to certain things that made no sense and then out of control impulses to do other things that also made no sense. We had him evaluated by an occupational therapist and got the sensory diagnosis. He began occupational therapy which involves direct work on the nervous system as well as behavioral therapy. It has been fantastic. It was the exact answer we needed to help him get back on track. You can look up sensory integration disorder which is also called sensory processing disorder. There is a web site called "sensory processing disorder" which is good for explaining it and you can see if it fits. If so, let me know!
Anyway, whether it is add/adhd, sensory, or just a child struggling, there ARE things you can do. They call it "heavy work" in the occupational therapy world but it is really just good old physical activity. This is helpful for calming a nervous system (sensory OR add/adhd). It involves things that use muscles, have deep pressure and often impact involved as well. Climbing up a play structure and jumping off (safely, of course) is good, running is great, swimming is the perfect activity, swinging is good, riding a bike, hitting a baseball, kicking a soccer ball, doing crazy animal walks like crab walk, bear walk or leap frog (we do this every morning before school to calm my son's system), rolling down a hill and running back up, if you have access to a trampoline, this is awesome, hanging from monkey bars is really great, spinning in a tire swing, etc. As much as possible of these types of activities really works the nervous system and slows it down.
You don't say what he is doing when you say "out of control". It would really help me to know what you are talking about. We found certain techniques really helpful for meltdowns, tantrums and rude behavior. We also use a language that kids can relate to for HIM to describe what is going on inside of him. We talk about his body as being an 'engine'. It can be too fast, too slow or just right. We want the engine to be just right. We talk about what it feels like when he is just right (and often, this is after the 'heavy work') and that this is where he wants to be. Then we talk about what it feels like for his engine to be too high. Now, we are almost always too high if we aren't just right but we do also talk about the engine being too slow. What does his body feel like? What is he doing when he is too high or too low? So then, we make the correlation to specific activities that can slow down the engine to just right. We have things he can do at home and things he can do at school. So, a simple statement to him when things are getting out of hand "your engine seems too high" sets him to work doing something on his list to slow it back down. We have worked on his knowing when he is too high by himself as well and then doing is activities. He's now 7 and we've had a lot of success with this.
If he is in school, what resources do they provide? If they are offering evaluations------ I advise doing this. If he doesn't have an IEP and 504 plan, he may need one. Sometimes a movement break in school can help, for example and should be written into a plan.
Again, if you can tell me more of what is going on, I'll see if I can offer more ideas. But I don't want you to lose home. Keep trying with him. They can really do amazing things to help kids these days and finding the right path is all that is necessary. Keep seeking the right path and he'll get there.
It IS very hard to parent a child with challenges. A couple has to work as a united front at times and often you have one being more responsible for the problem then the other and resentment grows on both sides. my suggestion is to give you and your husband some breaks and time together. A babysitter and time away from the home can be great to recharge the batteries. Have a 'safe' zone for your husband that is just his space to go without your grandson being allowed access. He can go there to get a break. I try to be really proactive with my husband and give him specific ideas of things to do with our boy which just helps keep it easy for everyone. Marriage counseling can really help as well. I'm sure you both love and care about this boy. It is just hard. So, get through this difficult time but try to remain connected to each other. And tension between a couple does lead to a tense child. So, try to keep all of that away from your grandson. I do wish you luck. Look up sensory and let me know what you think.
Your boy is young and must have been young to receive an add/adhd diagnosis. Six years old has been the starting point for that diagnosis as a standard for many years. There are a number of reasons why and part of it is due to the great variability in development in kids younger than that. Not many have great impulse control and make unsafe choices as well as not completely know how to handle their emotions appropriately. At 6, many kids start to get better at these things.
I had a difficult child as well. Whew------ he was a lot of work and I was very very worried about him. He was diagnosed with something called sensory integration disorder. Have you ever heard of this? It can look very much like adhd and is also directly related to the nervous system like add/adhd. My son was diagnosed at 4 and I thank my lucky starts that we found the right diagnosis as he could have just as easily been diagnosed with add/adhd as many get these two confused.
My son was highly volatile and if he got upset, it would last for a LONG time and be extreme. He wandered his preschool room, had peer interaction problems, was noncompliant, didn't want to do things like color, avoided anything he found difficult, would knock over other kids blocks, made choices that were unsafe, had aversion to certain things that made no sense and then out of control impulses to do other things that also made no sense. We had him evaluated by an occupational therapist and got the sensory diagnosis. He began occupational therapy which involves direct work on the nervous system as well as behavioral therapy. It has been fantastic. It was the exact answer we needed to help him get back on track. You can look up sensory integration disorder which is also called sensory processing disorder. There is a web site called "sensory processing disorder" which is good for explaining it and you can see if it fits. If so, let me know!
Anyway, whether it is add/adhd, sensory, or just a child struggling, there ARE things you can do. They call it "heavy work" in the occupational therapy world but it is really just good old physical activity. This is helpful for calming a nervous system (sensory OR add/adhd). It involves things that use muscles, have deep pressure and often impact involved as well. Climbing up a play structure and jumping off (safely, of course) is good, running is great, swimming is the perfect activity, swinging is good, riding a bike, hitting a baseball, kicking a soccer ball, doing crazy animal walks like crab walk, bear walk or leap frog (we do this every morning before school to calm my son's system), rolling down a hill and running back up, if you have access to a trampoline, this is awesome, hanging from monkey bars is really great, spinning in a tire swing, etc. As much as possible of these types of activities really works the nervous system and slows it down.
You don't say what he is doing when you say "out of control". It would really help me to know what you are talking about. We found certain techniques really helpful for meltdowns, tantrums and rude behavior. We also use a language that kids can relate to for HIM to describe what is going on inside of him. We talk about his body as being an 'engine'. It can be too fast, too slow or just right. We want the engine to be just right. We talk about what it feels like when he is just right (and often, this is after the 'heavy work') and that this is where he wants to be. Then we talk about what it feels like for his engine to be too high. Now, we are almost always too high if we aren't just right but we do also talk about the engine being too slow. What does his body feel like? What is he doing when he is too high or too low? So then, we make the correlation to specific activities that can slow down the engine to just right. We have things he can do at home and things he can do at school. So, a simple statement to him when things are getting out of hand "your engine seems too high" sets him to work doing something on his list to slow it back down. We have worked on his knowing when he is too high by himself as well and then doing is activities. He's now 7 and we've had a lot of success with this.
If he is in school, what resources do they provide? If they are offering evaluations------ I advise doing this. If he doesn't have an IEP and 504 plan, he may need one. Sometimes a movement break in school can help, for example and should be written into a plan.
Again, if you can tell me more of what is going on, I'll see if I can offer more ideas. But I don't want you to lose home. Keep trying with him. They can really do amazing things to help kids these days and finding the right path is all that is necessary. Keep seeking the right path and he'll get there.
It IS very hard to parent a child with challenges. A couple has to work as a united front at times and often you have one being more responsible for the problem then the other and resentment grows on both sides. my suggestion is to give you and your husband some breaks and time together. A babysitter and time away from the home can be great to recharge the batteries. Have a 'safe' zone for your husband that is just his space to go without your grandson being allowed access. He can go there to get a break. I try to be really proactive with my husband and give him specific ideas of things to do with our boy which just helps keep it easy for everyone. Marriage counseling can really help as well. I'm sure you both love and care about this boy. It is just hard. So, get through this difficult time but try to remain connected to each other. And tension between a couple does lead to a tense child. So, try to keep all of that away from your grandson. I do wish you luck. Look up sensory and let me know what you think.
I am sorry.. this is a dilemma when you have kindly taken on the upbringing of your grandson ,could you explain further how he is out of control, what the behavior entails.I am also wondering if it is the meds, there are side effects ,if you go into the search engine you will be able to find what side effects there are from the two meds you mention, it may not be the case of them not working it may be too much especially as the dosage had been increased.'One of the side effects from this kind of meds is extreme anger and emotion..I don't think children especially the young ones do know how to appreciate its not something that comes naturally .does his grandad play games with him do they do guy things together , it may help children love board games and of course anything outside with a ball is a good thing.How about a supplement Children can benefit from VitC and Vit BComplex .
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