Please Help! 1 year old NEVER stops crying!

[4EverMama]

I am a stay at home mom with a 2 year old son. My husband works full time and to help our family funds I watch two other kids in my home. A 1 year old baby and a 4 year old. Both the four year old and my son are so well behaved and play nicely all day long but the 1 year old little girl I watch cries from the moment she is dropped off in the morning until her mom picks her up in the evening. Nothing I do helps. The only thing that calms her down is to hold her at all times. But I'm sorry, I refuse to hold this kid all day. It's impossible, I have two other kids to watch.
This has been going on for months now and still there has been no change. Lately I've been forced to put her in her playpen and let her cry it out but the thing is, she does it cry it out. She will cry for hours and hours. I go down the check list of reasons a baby would cry. Wet diaper, hungry, not feeling well, wants attention. No matter what I do the crying continues. I don't want to tell her mom she can't come here anymore but I have a person renting out my basement and she works nights and the crying keeps her up all day. And quite frankly I don't know how much more the other kids and myself can take it. It's just awful to listen to all day. Please, does anyone have any advise?!?

[nursegirl6572]

I agree with you, it doesn't sound at all like a stage she's going to grow out of.  It would be very unusual for a child to be exhibiting that behavior for that long, especially if she's using it as a way to manipulate you into giving her more attention.  4 months is an awfully long time for a young child to cry like that, consistently.  

I agree that this needs looked into more comprehensively, and that's going to have to happen with medical providers and her parent(s).  Do you have a pretty good relationship with the Mom?  Maybe you could suggest a short break from care, while she is evaluated?  You could explain that you're really needing a break, as it's stressing you out and frustrating you that you cannot console her, at least minimally.  Hopefully the Mom would understand...and really, taking a break is much better than just throwing in the towel.  

I wish you well, hopefully a solution can be found!  Poor girl, and poor you!  :0(

[4EverMama]

She has been with me since she was about 3-4 months old. She didn't cry this much in the beginning, the crying started around 8 or 9 months old and now she is 13 months old so the crying has gone on for a few months now. Her mom has taken her to the doctors a few times but they keep saying she will simply grow out of it. I don't know how long it will take for her to grow out of it though and I don't like that as a solution. There has to be another way to stop the crying. After 3-4 months of crying I am throwing the "grow out of it" answer out the window, it's not happening anytime soon so I need other ideas lol

[AnnieBrooke]

She might well have a medical problem other than lactose intolerance.  What has her mom done to try to investigate that angle?

[Sandman2]

     Her mom really should consult with her pediatrician.  It may be more than just being lactose intolerant.  It is unusual for a 1 year old to cry that much.  Has she been crying the whole 10 months she has been with you?
    Oh, you said she is 1 year old.  So has she been with since she was 2 months old?  or is she almost 2?

[4EverMama]

Hi, I appreciate your advise but finding another child to watch is the easy way out in my opinion and that wouldn't help the situation. She has been coming to my house for 10 months now. She loves me and my son and we love her too. She is given the same love, care and attention as my son and the other child gets. Using a label like "this kid" does not in any way suggest I don't have patience and love for her. I refer to my own son as "this kid" from time to time. She is a beautiful baby, who at times prefers me to her mom. Originally we thought the crying was due to the fact that she is lactose intolerant and we didn't know yet. But after switching her milk and fixing that problem to crying still continues. Some days are worse than others. Today for example is a more mild day. She has so far only cried when her mom left and when she went down for a nap. Other days it never stops. Giving up on her and finding a new kid is not what I consider to be the answer to this problem. It may only make things worse for her but thank you for the comment.  

[Life360_Dave]

Hi also, it would be to the babys and your best interest to find another child to take care of. You call her "this kid", (im not judging you only showing you dont have the patience nor caring for the child). The child is not happy with you and your not happy with her. These are delicate years for her and she needs to be taken care of in a loving way. Shes just a baby. Please consider my suggestion.

[MarkLakewood3367]

Does this behavior only happen in your care or in the mother's care as well?  Also, have you discussed this behavior with the mother?  I would not attempt any intervention unless you have direct consent from the mother as this could be a liability issue.

[Li_Hua]

Im a stay at home mom also.My daughter is now five,my son will be two months on the 7th.Sounds like the girl may be spoiled which ***** for you.Whatever method the parents normally use to comfort her is what works which in this case its being held.I agree i wouldnt want to hold a child all day let alone listen to the crying.Unfortunately for you,your getting all the homework here.Sounds to me like the parents havent really studied the girl to find a proper solution so your going to have to evaluate her and find what works if shes gonna straighten up at your house.Ive never had this problem with someone elses kid but with my own.My daughter was the same way at that age OMG drove me nuts.She was never spoiled though and her dad and i split when she was 2 so she had some anxiety issues.Every little thing she would cry.Once u weigh out every possibility then u can decide whether its for attention or a tantrum that needs to be corrected.Sounds like shes pretty attached to her mom and has some anxiety when shes away from her,the fact that shes not too use to u yet just adds to the problem so at this point she wont give u the time of day to show her everythings ok,most kids will withdraw completely and observe you for quite some time before they decide to trust u.So,now for the homwork.What are her likes? Dislikes? Whether its food drink t.v show.If its a tantrum shes throwing then u can use these to your advantage.If u dont stop this then your not getting this,If that dosent work,see if its attention shes seeking.My daughter threw these fits for attention,but its the wrong kind of attention so dont give into it.If its attention seeking then let her cry.I know it ***** but ignoring her is best.In this case i dont think thats the issue though.Sounds more like over attachment and anxiety to me.If shes calm when your holding her then that tells me shes ok with being around u.Maybe try keeping her close by,within arms reach and find activities or things she likes to do while being near you.Putting her in the playpen off by herself probably communicates to her that your not coming back.Also to flip the switch try picking her up in a moment where shes not crying,praise her for not crying and reward her with her favorite snack or toy.If shes crying put her down,dont pick her up,ignore her till shes quite.This will show her that shes not getting what she wants when she crys.Try time out if parents let u.My daughter hated the corner. A quite corner,aeay from the other kids and activity because she's one u cant make her stand in a corner but time out can be a seperate room or a spot on the floor away from the fun.Since holding her is what calms her down i say take that away.U have to find what she likes and give her the opposite so she learns thst she dosent get what she wants when crying.By now she knows that you will pick her up,or shell go in the playpin but she knows at some point u pick her up.If crying dont pick her up at all during the day.Itll suck to hear her cry the whole day but she will eventually work for what she wants.Bad news is if mom and dad are constantly picking her up at home to soothe her youll have a harder time keeping it under control at your house and youll pay for it.Best of luck to you hun,sorry for you.If it were my child i would work out those behavior issues before i even think about leaving the child with someone else.Its just not fair to the babysitter.But thsts just me personally.

[GInScott]

Wrap a baby blanket around her like an Indian papoose, this may help her feel as though she is being held, offer maybe a bouncer activity stationary walker, and place it in middle of house so she can play yet see you wherever you go, and she can learn to assure herself of your return....lavendar scented oil aromatherapy throughout home...this will relax her whether she knows it or not...this worked wonders for me and my kids.....warm bath w Johnson's lavender  bubble bath - this will also help to change the scenery, or step outside when she fusses with her , change of scenery usually gets their attention....if all her needs are met then maybe she is under stimulated and needs more to watch, see, and play with too maybe stimulate her senses...all of them...good luck...and just keep loving her anyways....stay strong