Second grader does not like school

[grub132]

Help! My 7 year old doesn't like going to school, this has been an ongoing issue for the last two years. My husband and I have tried many strategies to deal with this matter with little or no positive benefit. Last year he even wanted to change schools and named many unrealistic reason why he wanted this, such as "they have a better playground" or
" The classes are better". We have discussed it with the school and looked for signs of bullying and found none at this stage. We thought it may be a classsroom issue and put stategies in place to deal with it, this had some effect but I also wonder if he just stopped talking about it because he thought we didn't want to hear. We tried down playing it and the oppostite - discussing it regularly, but alas still ongoing. He shows very little disruptive behaviour, perhaps last year became a bit of the class clown but nothing to serious according to the teacher. He is an above average student who can be easily excitable at times. He is quite honest and direct in his apporaches to things and can be very sensative, at the same time not scared of giving things a go! He has friends at school but finds it hard sometimes, often these friends cannot give him what he wants, he seems to be searching for a particular friendship (this is the only way I can describe this.) This year he has still voiced not wanting to go to school, recently he began crying and refused to get out of the car. I had the help of the schools art teacher who convinced him to come out and gave him a special job to do. He had voiced in the car at this point that he was getting picked on. I was quite taken back as this is the first time he has said anything of the sort, in fact in the past denied any problems. I am aware of the signs of bullying and can only see this above issue and perhaps at times he complains of a sore tummy (however eating habits are not good either.) He verbalises his dislike of school on the way in the morning and on the way home. After holidays and on weekends he is very reluctant to go back. I don't have much of a problem getting him ready for school and he never throws tantrums or cries uncontrollably, he just doesn't like it. At this point the teacehr is going to chat with him and look into any bullying issue further. My question is what else can I do? Is this an issue we may have for years? Could this be seperation anxiety, although I am not convinced (my older child had this starting school and it was a very different feeling with it.) This child has no issues leaving me and will walk into school on his own, is quite independent really. Is it time to get a counsellor involved, my Hubbie is a little reluctant at this stage and I am just not sure? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[grub132]

I have posted a reply but it didn't come through so I will try this again.
Thankyou for those tips, yes he has an older sibling and we have discussed it with him. The other ideas with the school sound beneficial as well. The week has been difficult, I would have expected him to settle a bit and feel a sense of relief from releasing this pressure he has held for such a long time but we are not seeing this. He is not sleeping very well, or eating well and still complains of sore tummy. He seems to have lost his spark with alot of things. It will be interesting to see if he picks up with starting soccer and other activities after school. Perhaps we just need to give him more time and we are giving lots of positive reassurance and reinforcement to which he responds reasonably well too sometimes. I quietly wonder if this is not the full issue, perhaps I am in need of giving myself a break from it. I understand I may be a bit hypervigilent at the moment. I just don't want to sit back again and leave it go on risking that there may be another issue or he has been effected more than what we thought and may be getting depressed. At the same time I want him to feel no pressure and normal again. Perhaps if I give it a set time frame that seems reasonable and if things get worse or don't really improve then act again.

[jdtm]

So glad you found the main part of the problem. As a retired teacher, I can tell you that spotting bullying can be very difficult.  We (the school system) need to impress upon the students that it is not "tattling" when a child is being bullied.  Is there an older child living in your neighhourhood who might act as a friend/advocate/protector while at school?  Or perhaps an older sibling?  You might even suggest to the school to appoint a older "friend" to "play" with your son during recess and lunch time.  These tend to be the times when bullying occurs (out of sight of the teacher).  Some schools also have "prefects" or "assistants" (usually responsible senior students) who help the supervisors on yard duty.   It can be quite an honour for the senior student to serve in this capacity - usually once per week.

[grub132]

Thankyou very much for your input.
I just received a call from the school and was informed that he has been experiencing bullying. It has been happening since prep and at it's worst last year ( grade one) and continues this year. He never spoke about it as he didn't want to make a fuss and was worried about the other child, either getting them into trouble or getting bullied more.The school has made a formal report and put it in the files as well as talk to the other child, so we will see. The bonus is that we now know one of the main factors and at home can deal with it. I am a bit angry that the school didn't follow up earlier when I raised the issue but I can deal with that. I also agree about the soulmate issue, this is quite evident in areas outside of school. I think he is a child that needs stimulation and my Hubbie and I have been doing extra activites at home to manage this issue and feel that if required we can seek further assistance. The main concern initially was that we were not aware of what the problem was and now we are, so from now onwards it will be lots of positive reinforcement! Thankyou again. This book you suggests sounds helpful, I will look it up!

[jdtm]

Some children just do not like school.  You could be dealing with some anxiety, you could be dealing with a bully, you could be dealing with a child where there is not a "soulmate" present at that school, you could be dealing with a small learning disability or you could simply have a child who just does not like school.

There is an excellent book "the highly sensitive child" by Elaine N. Aron which might be of interest and help to you.  It can be purchased at a local bookstore, on-line or borrowed from a public library.  I do see signs of anxiety in your posting; but not signs of an anxiety disorder.  However, life is not always "doing things that we like or want" and your son might have to just endure school until he graduates.