Single Mom - 9 yr old son Steals from me. HELP!

Question

I am at my wits end!!! My 9 (almost 10) year old son has been stealing from me.  To the tune of over $250.   I am a single mother with a 4 year old girl as well.  This all started about a month ago. A new kid came into the neighborhood and ultimately has a problem with stealing.  My son started taking money out of my purse - approx $210 - and thats not counting my "cash stash" which I keep in a fire box - he showed his friends where my cash was - mind you locked up, but they found the key.  Over spring break - 2 of the kids came over and took over $200. Cleaned me out.  This was when I found out that my son had been stealing from me as well.  My son had taken another $40 - $50 out of the lock box.  

Needless to say - I removed EVERYTHING from his room.  Only letting him sleep on the floor.  He had also been stashing his dirty laundry behind his dresser - so he didn't have to do it.   So over the last 3 weeks - he has had ZERO privledges - and is having to walk up to my work after school and sit in my van until I get off of work. For one because he can't be trusted, Two - because I have NO ONE to watch him in my absence. 

Comes to today.  I was going to fill my water jugs and buy a couple jugs for my office - and found that there was no change left in my car.  Further - relized that the $10 I had gotten cash back from the store last night - was also missing.  
Guess what he had in his backpack.  2 1liter bottles of cherry coke (ice cold)  - New Pokemon toys - gum wrappers, candy lip balm, and **** toys he had bought at the snack shack at school.  

I CANT EVEN LOOK AT HIM!!!!!! I let up on the restrictions thinking that since he had done all of his chores this weekend without me asking - and did them well too I might add - that it would be a good thing for us to spend some time together.  We went to a birthday party - then went out on a friends boat on Sunday.  
He stole from me this morning - and today... and I am just at my wits end.  I went as far as to take him up to our local police department to have them attempt to scare him... He litterally sat there like he could care less... 

I don't know what to do... I'm to the point that I don't even want to be his mom anymore.  My daughters father has offered to take him for the summer - to get him straightened out - because ultimately there is a different level of respect with a man around, I'm not completly sure that's a great idea either!  
I kicked him out of my van this afternoon.  He kept trying to sneak back into the car - and of course I wouldn't let him.  I found him at school with all of his friends like nothing had ever happened.  I am completly distrought, discusted and flat out ashamed of him... WHAT DO I DO!!!?????????

jdathens · Answer

I think you did the right thing in taking everything in his room out and 9 year olds are old enough to learn to do their own laundry if they are mature enough. I have twin 9 year old boys that are having the same problems with stealing. They live with their dad most of the time and visit on weekends so I think they are picking it up there. My husband and I (their stepfather) are at our wits end and it is at the point that their behavior is so bad, no one wants to be around them. I don't know what to do either so good luck to you and me both. P.S. My boys didn't really care about what the police said either. I am tempted to get a friend of mine that works in law enforcement to pick them up and cuff them next time. If they think there are actual consequences for their actions instead of just threats, maybe that will work.

jjbobjj · Answer

your a hippie ******* he needs disipline, even she shows him nothing but love and gives his privledges back itll just tell him everything hes doing is ok.

jjbobjj · Answer

take him to juvi and itll straitend him out, whip his *** with a belt to show him your the boss and hes not, take controll, juvi will be best, he may act like he doesnt car but he does

pantspooper · Answer

Hi, I can see where you are coming from. I don't think taking privileges away will do anything to him. Once they find out nothing bad happens to them after stealing, they will keep doing it, and it doesn't matter how old are they. I remember a neighbor of mine, she actually called the cops and that did it for the kid, he never stole money from her again because he actually got a taste of what happens when you steal. Also counseling or sometimes even bootcamp will help. Call the police and ask them what can you do in this cases, when your own son is stealing from you, I bet you they have a solution. Also talking to the parents of the other kids, having a restraint order and if they are in your house you will call the cops, that also will, somehow, help. I know you are upset at him but something has to change in his life for him to change.

jdtm · Answer

A new kid came into the neighborhood and ultimately has a problem with stealing. - your words

Wondering - is this new kid threatening your son and is your son using the money "to pay him off"?  The things in the backpack - who were they for (especially the two bottles of coke)?  I don't think we have the whole story here - just wondering ....

RockRose · Answer

In rereading your post,  he's hiding laundry so he doesn't have to do his own laundry.  At the age of 9.  And now he's sleeping on the floor.  

At some point,  I'm thinking CPS may be called to your home to look at your situation.  Or anyway,  hopefully they will be called.

RockRose · Answer

Singlemom - first off,  it's not hard at all to hide cash from a 9 year old.  At this point you need to be hiding your money,  and it's not hard.  

His life is awful right now.  He has no one to take care of him and love him after school, and welcome him home with a big smile and a hug.  There is a saying that children who steal things,  are using those things to plug up holes in their hearts.  

You kicked him out of your van,  which was his afternoon "home" - to where??  Did you just leave him homeless?

This is a 9 year old boy who needs a mommy who greets him at the end of the day.  A loving home.  Not some van in a parking lot where there is no one.

My heart bleeds for him.