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5757880 tn?1395578022

Temper Tantrums at 6

Hello!

Along with my eldest son, I have another son who will turn 6 this week.
We had him in 3-Day preschool this past year to get him acclimated to the ideals of kindergarten and he has had kind of a rough go of it.
He gets upset when he doesn't get his way, so to speak. At school, it's much worse - he will cry/scream, throw his shoes, throw his food (that was today because the teacher gave him water instead of juice). He has progressed since he started pre-school last year but now that spring/summer is here... he isn't having it.

Mind you, he is very opinionated, stubborn and likes to his things his way. He will needle you with questions until you break down and it can be a battle. He will tell us that we said one thing (so he can get his way) when we didn't say these things. He also likes to try to make "deals" or pit my husband and I against each other, which NEVER works to his advantage.

All of this has really started since he attended pre-school. He is going to stay in pre-school for one more year because we don't (and the teacher thinks also) he isn't ready for kindergarten on a maturity/emotional level.

My mother usually is the care-giver during the day and I think she spoils them both, though says she doesn't. I think if it was up to my mother, kids would be running free, doing art, dancing and being very non-conformist.

Now my eldest has ADHD, anxiety, sensory disorder and possible autism. We are working with the schools and local advocate groups right now to help him out.

Typically, my six year old is very sweet - does his chores when I ask him to (get dressed, make beds, brush teeth, comb hair) but he likes to still be the baby. He likes to cuddle and tries to sleep with me. He hates to clean up the playroom and usually won't and won't even help his brother clean. He makes eye-contact some of the time - but not when it's serious / in trouble and not when we are face to face, too close.

Okay, so the questions... Is this normal???
I'm not used to this due to my eldest who I was told was too impulsive, too hyper, etc.
Do I put him in pre-school next year (5) days a week or stick with (3)?
Does it sound like ADHD?

Help, please.
5 Responses
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5757880 tn?1395578022
Timeouts:
Yes, we do the timeouts and use an egg timer in cross reference to their age, so they understand not to come out until they hear the timer go off. If they come out before (unless to use the bathroom), then the time starts all over again.

Laps:
This was incorporated with my eldest child by the chiropractic neurologist. He and his business partner use it with all of their children, so since my eldest has tons of energy - we decided to use it for both. We don't have a huge back yard, but it is fenced in and you have to job/run/do laps in your age. So, say one of them decides they won't clean up - they get the 1-2-3 and at three, if they still refuse, then you run laps in your age.
He has a LOT of energy near the end of the day - like he didnt get a nap and he is trying to keep himself awake.

Sleep:
That... might be a part of the issue. My husband usually does bed time and is very lax in that area. I try to make sure he is in bed by 7:30 - 8:00pm and it's different yes, because the sun is still up.

Smarts:
The teacher informed me that he is VERY smart. She says he knows all his stuff - it's just he chooses not to do it. (However, it's a different story with us when it comes to crafts and homework) He will be sitting at the computer, they tell him it's time to stop and do such and such and he will look at them and tell them no, he is working on the computer. She says that he is just very abstinent and deviant.

School:
I'm unsure whether he will get a kindergarten curriculum but I will ask. The teacher wants to speak with me and I told them to let me know and I will make time to sit down with them. I can also purchase the kindergarten books at the local education store.

I do have the book "Parenting the Strong-Willed Child" - I just need to sit down and actually read it :)  
Helpful - 0
189897 tn?1441126518
COMMUNITY LEADER
    Sounds like you are doing timeouts with him being sent to his room.  Kind of curious about the "laps".  What is this?  Does he have a lot of energy to burn off and is he better after whatever the laps are?
   His teacher is a real important person in your decisions.  Sit down and have a good talk with her.   Throwing his food could happen everynow and then.  Part of that is not knowing how to deal with frustration - more on that later.
How smart is he?  How does he do with the academic part.  I kind of get the feeling that he might be a fairly sharp kid?
    Lack of eye contact is very normal.  I would actually be more worried if when he was in trouble, he made strong eye contact.
    Its pretty late here and I will get back to you.  But really need more info.
   Oh, is he getting enough sleep at night?  How closely is this watched.  Have his changes lately been since daylight saving time went into effect for example?  lack of sleep is a huge factor in behavior.
    And, if he stays in preschool - will he get the kindergarten curriculum so he can advance to the first grade the next year?
   Anyway, let me know about some of the questions I asked.  I do have a few books to recommend that may help.  
Helpful - 0
5914096 tn?1399918987
Thank you for your clarification.  The most effective discipline for a 6 year old for these type of behaviors is the timeout primarily because you are taking away all of his freedom for a short period of time per offense.  

There is a clear right and a wrong way to implement timeouts which could make or break this form of discipline.  

If you would like for me to help with with an effective form of discipline for your son, feel free to leave me a message.
Helpful - 0
5757880 tn?1395578022
As for discipline:

He tries to make "deals" but we don't make deals with him. We have a list of actions / consequences, things valuable to him are usually taken away and he has to earn them back. We don't spank our children for the most part unless it's something extremely horrible that they have done. We also incorporated the 1-2-3 Magic into our household.

Usually when this attitude happens, he is either sent to his room (where none of his toys are at) or he has to do laps. I let him know this isn't acceptable, period.

We typically don't let the children watch TV during the week nor play on the X-Box. They are allowed to play educational learning games on the computer sometimes.  

So... please understand I'm not "fishing" for a diagnosis or making excuses. I lived as an only child as did my husband for the most part. We were raised basically to be little adults so these concepts can be foreign to us; therefore, I ask questions to people who may have had been in similar situations.

As for discipline at school, they have a color chart that I'm aware of; they do the 1-2-3 Magic.
Helpful - 0
5914096 tn?1399918987
You don't mention anything about discipline in your post, whether at home or at school.  None of the behaviors you describe are atypical for a child of 6, especially if he is allowed to be opinionated or make deals with you!  Like every child, your son requires discipline at home and at school for this behavior.  Instead of fishing for a diagnose or finding an excuse for his behavior, focus on disciplining him and you will find his overall conduct to improve.
Helpful - 0
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