Terrible Two or something more

[rebelmommaof3]

Ok so my 2 1/2 year old son is very defiant and no matter how a punish him (time out,spanking, taking toys away) he still does the same stuff that I have been getting after him for during the last 6 or more months. My husband and I are at a loss with him right now we have read many parenting books and have done and listen to a lot of the information. we are both very persistent with trying to teach him what he can and cant do but he gets angry and  throws stuff at us so that gets him in more trouble its almost like he likes getting into trouble. I've tried to talk to my Dr. about everything but he just blows it off as terrible twos but I have 2 other kids who were never this bad or persistent on getting in trouble. my husband has ADHD and is bipolar but is being treated for the bipolar disorder but could my son be showing early signs of both and what should I do seeing my DR doesn't think its anything more then terrible two. we are getting stressed out and have no clue what to do at this point

[RockRose]

Can you give examples of some of the rules he consistently breaks?  

I was advised early in parenting to say yes if possible.  So rather than say no rock throwing,  we had a rock throwing area at the park.  Instead of don't jump on the beds,  there was a mattress bed on the floor for jumping on.  So is it possible you have more rules than you really need?

Secondly,  if your husband has bipolar disorder and ADHD,  it's likely that at least one of your children will also have behavioral disorder symptoms.

[MarkLakewood3367]

Don't focus on your son's reaction to the discipline.  Just be consistent with one discipline.  Don't jump from discipline to discipline.  Stick with a 2 minute timeout per misbehavior.  Remember, discipline doesn't change behavior.  You r son needs to want to change his behavior.  Therefore, be consistent with one discipline and don't focus on your son's reaction to the discipline or his behavior there after.  Eventually, when he sees that his freedom is being taken away because of the discipline for his behavior, he will eventually begin to behave.  When he gets this message is totally up to him and not you.

[specialmom]

Yes, something more could be going on.  Agree that it would help to know what he is having trouble with following through on.  But my son has sensory integration disorder and his toddler years were rough.  Discipline wouldn't have solved the issues.  Understanding the WhY's were really key in overcoming them.  Being out on the other side now, I'm glad that I didn't have my child spending his toddler years as a 'bad boy' but rather did things that helped him be his best self.  

so, more information would be helpful.  

[Sandman2]

   Besides all the excellent advice given above.  Really work on immediate rewards for positive behavior.  When he does something the way you want him to act - immediately reward him.   Don't try charts or points or any of that stuff - he is too young.  

[rebelmommaof3]

I don't have many rules to begin with I simply don't want him in the kitchen because hes always into anything and everything so its a simple no zone and he does know hes not supposed to be in there also not to climb on my tables which he also knows better but still does it and to leave my computer and mine and my husband phones alone he has his own play phones and has his own play computer and knows hes not supposed to play with ours but still does its worse when dad is gone then when he is home also I'm not stressed all the time I get stressed because my toddler and I buttheads on a daily bases I do reward for good behavior and I try to stick to one punishment but the time out doesn't work at all because I spend more time fighting with him to stay in time out then hes actually in it

[RockRose]

What does he do while you're cooking dinner?  I would think it would be very hard to cook a meal or clean the kitchen if a small child was not allowed in there.  I spend a great deal of time in my kitchen.  

I know there are many different styles of parenting,  and any kinds of parents,  but I think your rules may be too strict for a child with his level of activity and curiosity.  These things - the kitchen,  the cell phones,  the computers,  are what are called "attractive nuisances" to kids his age.  

Can you make them actually inaccessible to him so you don't have to correct him all the time?  And a room where he can do whatever he wants - bounce on cushions,  sit on tables,  etc.?

I wish you well.  It just seems easier to me to parent a very curious active child with fewer rules and physical barriers to things they aren't allowed to play with that they can't resist.

And my oldest was bright and athletic enough to get into anything that was secured with child safety devices you find in stores.  I had to make them and install them with hardware.

[rebelmommaof3]

while im cooking his brother and sister are home so they play with him and keep him busy while I cook its while im not cooking he gets into everything and im afraid he will get hurt or break more of my dishes because he climbs on everything in the kitchen so I try my hardest to keep him out of there as for the climbing on tables I don't mind that as much as long as its not my entertainment center. also my phone and computer are always with me the computer he don't touch to much any more but my phone he will take right out of my hand so I have to get after him for that things are starting to get better with him as long as he gets sleep its when he doesn't get enough sleep that I have really big issues or when I have a million things to do in the house that day to where I cant spend 100% of my attention on him while his siblings aren't home

[1ringmaker]

One thing ive noticed about toddlers is that most 'love' to help. eg they vaccum the sofa while you do the carpet etc. You would be surprised how easy it is to redirect the energy.
Also, with the father being adhd & bipolar then there is a good chance this child could be experiencing the same mental issues. Based on that premise, it should not be that difficult to get your doctor to prescribe a test dosage. If it helps then you've made a great stride in getting this under control. If it doesn't change anything your nnot out anything. More often than not the doctor could accomplish this with samples.
One last thing I would like to point out.  Ive noticed a lot of 'my vs his' distinction.  Where this is normal to a point and in some situations very neccessary, if used to much then a child can misinterpret it as isolationism. I base that not onlyon the text books but personal expexperience.  We are raising a grandson that we've had custody of since a toddler (now late teens). A little less mine and a little more our helps to galvanize the family unit ( us, we, our etc)
Please keep everyone up to date, posters post thier comments because they are interested in the outcome of the situations.

[allmymarbles]

I think god invented the playpen. If you want a comfortable cup of coffee without waiting for the house to be set on fire or anyone to be electrocuted, stick your busy toddler in a playpen and have a short rest. (A playpen with mesh sides - they can't get out of that.)

[rebelmommaof3]

I had a play pen and you would climb out of it all day long he also climbs the baby gates that we have set up for him he is a very active toddler I have also started a Low sugar diet with him and it has seemed to help some but definitely not easy with the fact the Halloween just passed and he wants to eat his candy things are starting to look up but there are still times where mommy needs a break  

[allmymarbles]

You are right about limiting the sugar. Juices are a high source of sugar and of no health value. I never let kids have it. And sugar definitely makes children hyper. Why do you have to let him eat his candy? I am very against Halloween and the candy. When kiddies come to my door I let them reach into a bowl for a small handful of pennies. No candy.

[rebelmommaof3]

Things are starting to look up but we still have a few issues to work out with our lil man but it hasn't been really bad in about a week I have been watching his sugar big time and that is helping a lot don't get me wrong he still gets snacks and sugary food just not as much as he used to get and he gets a lot healthier snacks so that is helping out a lot our biggest issue still is trying to keep him out of the kitchen but if hes not getting into anything or making big messes I don't mind yesterday he made a huge mess though so I minded that a lot seeing he dumped a whole box of bisquic all over my kitchen and proceeded to make snow angels in it yes I did laugh a lot at it and I understand if you all do to but the part that made me angry is when I was cleaning it up and he felt the need to kick and fling it all around again so I had to do even more cleaning of the mess then needed

[1ringmaker]

Have you thought of investing in something that challenges his intellect?  There are some very good graduating devices that start out quite simple then become quite complex. Leappad etc.you could well have a restless progity onyour hands who just needs something to help focus his intellect

[rebelmommaof3]

I have hes getting a lot of new things like that for Christmas but this last week has been awesome so far and I didn't think it would go that good seeing im packing so we can move into our forever home I let him help where he can but there are times where we still have some issues but not as bad as we were having