Too Pee Or Not To Pee... That is the question

[Momof_2B_3G]

I am the mother of 5, and am going insane! 12G, 10G, 7B, 3B, 1G are their ages.  My 10 year old got SUSPENDED!!  We do not curse in our home and definitely do NOT approve of this activity by any means, however, Adriana felt it apparently 'OK' to write a note to a friend speaking ill of her teacher using volgarity that I didn't even know existed until I was in college!  She spent her 2 days of suspension writing lines and an essay on how ill natured it was and why it is unacceptable to speak that way, followed by a letter to her teacher, principal and one to fellow students apologizing for her behavior.  Just the other day, she was at the playground with the other children and I heard her shout the SAME volgarity to another playmate.  Grounding has not worked, speaking to her has not accomplished anything, she is falling behind in her studies at school, and is now required to attend summer school to prevent the failure of fourth grade!  3 of the 5 children are tested as advanced and our 12 year old whom will turn 13 in November is already attending High School and is very well centered and mature.  The 3 year old is a whole different story; Thomas will be 4 in 3 weeks, and will NOT allow any sort of potty training.  I have tried what I believe to be EVERY avenue to accomplish this, and he remains unfiltered in any of our attempts.  We figured when Madison (22 months) was potty training (at 18 mo.) he would follow her promptly.  We bought him 'big boy pants' with cartoon characters to mimic hers and let him pick out his own 'potty chair'.  We bought every neat potty game, book, film, etc.  I have since quit my job to stay home with him to try to accomplish this, as he starts school in 2 very short months.  He also finds it comical to destroy house fixtures such as the venitian blinds, tearing up tissues and using them as action figures (which he has PLENTY of), tears the pages out of his books and says he read them.  His vocabulary has fallen short of that of our baby.  She is very intellegent and speaks very clearly, but at almost 4 he should have well surpassed her.  I am scared that he has a disability that his Physician has not allocated.  I am almost INSANE with confussion on these two! Any advice would be greatly appreciated and hopefully save my sanity!

Thank you
A proud but scared Mother of 5

[marsha_ann]

Sounds like the troubles I had with my teen.  He had 11 referrals last school year, and was eventually expelled.   He spent 9 days at a hospital in June, and we finally found the right combination of meds.  He's on Prozac & Vyvanse now... and is doing wonderful (like a different kid).   I've struggled with his behavior since he was 3 or 4.  He has  ADHD, Conduct Disorder/ODD, Depression, Psychosis.

But if your daughter doesnt have any disabilities or disorders ... then maybe she's just doing it for attention.  Being the oldest of 5,  she might not feel that she's getting much of your attention anymore.  Especially since you are stressed over the potty training issues right now.  I was told my son was craving attention.  But I couldnt understand why he'd want negative attention (by doing bad things).  But I guess negative attention is better than none at all to them.  

Or she's just being a teenager.  She could have bad influences around her at school.  I wasnt an angel, but I never got wrote up or suspended either.  I was just lucky enough not to get caught sometimes.  But I did have friends that did worse things, and some of them got suspended sometimes.  She could be just trying to be "cool" to others, and 'fit in' with a crowd that she thinks is cool.  

Good luck !!!!   And if you figure out the potty training .... let me know.  My 'almost' 4 yr old could care less right now.   And I'm stressed out.

[musicmama]

Wow!  Your ten year old could be hanging out with other children that influence her.  I know this is frustrating, and it seems like nothing is working, but keep it up.  When our boys go to ISS or RAC (Re-assignment Center), which is rare, and we'd like to keep it that way, they are in the same circumstances at home.  They are only allowed out of their room for 15 min on the hour (but not to play vidoe games etc.) and have to eat by themselves.  We try to make them so miserable, they won't do this again.  Of course they aren't allowed to play Gameboy or anything like that either.  

When my three year old turned 3 and wasn't potty trained yet, I was desperate.  She excelled in everything except this.  I finally started giving her an M&M when she went.  She got two when she went #2.  She doesn't like the little potties.  She wants to be big, so she sits with an insert in our potty.  This worked amazingly well.  Finally I quit giving the M&M's unless she asked for them.  Now the M&M's are a memory, but we are still going potty.

I wonder with both of these children if they know their siblings are brilliant, and have decided not to compete, but find their niche doing the opposite.

I know you have your hands full.  Do you have any support?  

Good luck and God bless.

[indigo39]

I've been in discussion with other parents about a book we've read called 'Setting Limits for the Strong-Willed Child"...sounds like it might help you. =) Especially with your 3 year old...I think he may know you're desperate to get him potty-trained, and he is enjoying the attention of the struggle.  

As for him being destructive, you might need to make him realize the value of belongings by taking away his toys for awhile.  I did this myself with my son, just went home at lunch one day and I only left him a few small junky toys and a couple of 'baby' books. I kept everything else hidden out of reach for a week. A little extreme, but it worked.  
Best of luck to you!!