Twelve year old daughter choking herself.

[trixiestclare]

My twelve year old daughter is choking herself. I first noticed this when I started cleaning her room when she was at school because it was such a mess, and found hidden and stashed away, modified cords, belts, scarves and even her jump rope tied into nooses and hidden under her bed and under clothes in her closet. When she came home I noticed she was wearing one of her cheer under armour turtlenecks. Not thinking about what I found I started messing around with her and massaging her shoulders when I noticed red rings around her neck. So I confronted her about it and she denied it told me she got the marks from falling a sleep with one of her necklaces on. So I showed her the items I found and she said she was just messing around. Is this in any way normal?

[Casperuno]

My 15year old daughter also had ropes under her bed in in knots and also notes next to them explained to her how long to use the rope and how her brain will react after. She just ordered a bunch of neck ties a week or so ago. What is this about can anyone explain

[Sandman2]

  Jemma, may be correct and I would certainly followup on her ideas.  But, I also remember a time when high school and middle school students would choke themselves or (usually) allow others to choke them.  Well, not always chokeing, but would hyperventilate and then have someone squeeze them until they passed out.  If I remember correctly, I think it gave them a kind of high.  And some kids actually died.    I would definitely talk with her school counselors and see if any of this kind of thing is going around.  It is dangerous.

[jemma116]

No this is not normal.

Sounds like she is suffering from severe depression, but is able to hide her deep inner feelings.  

People that have depression don't recognise that they have depression (more so for children).  There are underlying issues that are obviously bugging her.

Ask your daughter questions what happens at school and whether anyone is making life unhappy for her.  Who she plays with, how she gets on with them, who she likes, dislikes and so on.  Don't overburden her with too many questions all at once.  Do it in a way that she thinks this is a normal general chat, but take a note in your brain what she says and write it down later if you have to.  This is to find out if she is being bullied at school, if anything is bothering her.  May be too much stress worrying about exams, boys, even problems at home.

There clearly is an underlying issue here that she is so unhappy that she is trying to hurt herself.  Sometimes this is a cry for help.  So I am glad that you found it and observed her red marks around her neck and the way you got to see her neck without her knowing what you were actually doing.

Be extra observant and don't allow things like ties, skipping ropes, belts to be to be in her bedroom.  She has done this a few times, and if she continues to be unhappy, she will carry on doing this with severe circumstances.

It is very hard with teenagers, as some are very good at hiding things from you, even though they live under the same roof you don't always see the signs that something is not right.

Arrange to see her class teacher, without your daughter's knowledge to find out if there are any underling problems at school.

Make an urgent appointment to take her to your doctor to get an assessment and a referral to a child psychologist.