Twin boys and communication

[mandkmyers]

I am a mother of twin boys, they are both four years old at this point and both are very healthy, active individuals with their own personalities and everything, though they do like to be together they aren't exactly tied to being the same.  My kids had shown signs of lacking desire to progress at all really, not really potty training until they were four and speaking didn't really start for them until they were around 3.  My oldest (by a minute) has progressed to speaking a lot, very fluently and clearly, he shows interest in drawing and is amazingly good at drawing faces and whatnot.  He can read all his letters, knows his numbers, recognizes shapes and everything and has even started writing on his own, but his younger brother seems to almost certain to not move forward.  No matter how we talk to him, no matter what we do with him he refuses to speak clearly and sometimes will stop talking all together and just make baby noises (goo goo gaa gaa are his favorites).  He won't sit down to practice his letters,numbers, or anything like his brother will and still is no where near trying to even color in coloring books.  Among other things we have noted is that our older son is left handed while the younger son is right handed, the oldest shows interest in doing things on his own and exploring new things while the youngest will shy away from new things and try to remain with me, my husband, or his grandparents at all times.  My concern is that there is something that I may be missing something that perhaps I haven't tried yet or am even overlooking, like a possible learning problem.  Is this normal in children his age?  I thank anyone who could help me out in this dilemma.

[benjimom]

I can remember being compared to others (not even siblings) and it was hard for me then. Each child is different....  

I think you should get an evaluation, he may need some speech therapy. My son was delayed in speech, he started in an early intervention program at around 18 months. Now he talks well and he's in speech therapy now.  He also has sensory issues as well.He's 6 now.  He also gets OT at school and sees a reading specialist. I htink his speech delay has made learnign to read harder and I think generaly it's a harder task for boys to learn.

Tell the peditrician that you are concerned and that you want to have further evaluation done on your child to see if he qualifies for services.

[specialmom]

Good point AnnieBrooke.  I'm married to a twin and the amount of comparing done with he and his brother was very detrimental psychologically to him.  He has come a long way in his self esteem but for years had a negative image of himself because he fell behind his brother in some areas. Keep comparisons to yourself and remember that little ears are always listening!  good luck

[AnnieBrooke]

While I agree with everything specialmom says, and think an evaluation is in order, and appreciate the fact that having two lets you notice that one is behind the other, I do want to say please don't let them know you are comparing them.  (In other words, don't ever say or imply "Be like your brother.")  For example, if one boy does not like to color in a coloring book, try other ways he might enjoy expressing himself with colors and shapes.  (I don't think coloring books are the best indicator of progress, anyway, when it comes to art and creativity.)  Along with any occupational therapy and things that you might do, please always treat each child very much toward his own skills without comparative remarks, even positive ones.  It sure helps with sibling issues later.  Good luck!!  

[specialmom]

You know, I never thought of this aspect of twins in which you can see actual differences in development.  As you say, you expect each to individuals and unique but you have a head to head comparison right in front of you.  

Now as your boys didn't talk until 3, I'm wondering if early intervention was started at all?  In the US (not sure where you are from), programs run for birth to age 3 to assess situations with kids and to provide services free of charge for families.  Then after a child turns 3, the public school system takes over.  Have you discussed any of these things with your pediatrician and what is their take on it?  Any person by law can request an evaluation through the school system of their children.  If they qualify, they go to early intervention preschool there.  And then they often immediately accept a twin sibling or there is a lottery for acceptance.  I'd advise you to check into this.

My oldest boy has sensory integration disorder which is part of the brain's processing system and nervous system issues exist.  Motor planning is part of that.  It made learning to dress oneself hard for my son.  It was suggested to me that I stop helping him.  Yes, it took about 5 times longer but the more he did it, the better and faster he got.  Avoiding doing something often is because it is hard.  The key is to figure out why it is hard.  For my son, it was his nervous system.  Signals telling his muscles how to do something were not working well.  My boy does occupational therapy and has few problems now with really anything.  

I will say something else----------  I am not a fan of sitting and  making preschoolers do "academic work".  It has to be a game or many kids will be resistant to it.  I never did it with either of my boys unless it was fun for them---------  and they are both above their peers academically.  I read to them every single day and found being active to be the best thing for them.  Kids learn so much through play.  Going to parks, open play places, play groups etc. all have so much benefit I can not tell you.  So, I'd just keep your expectations for work on letters and numbers at home realistic.  

Have you considered requesting an eval by your local pubic school?  And what does your pediatrician say about this.