Violent Tantrums 5.5 year old

[JS816]

I have a 5 1/2 year old son who has always been prone to temper tantrums, however, up until recent they have been manageable.  Lately they seem to have taken an alarming turn.  The trigger could be anything.  He is very well behaved at school and has never had a tantrum there or at his preschool (he recently started kindergarten).  He is bright and seems to play well with kids at school, his soccer team, and playgrounds.  We've been told his memory is extraordinary.  

The concerning bit about his tantrums is that they start off with him getting angry about something and I can see the fury coming on.  He folds his arms and starts waking around the house making whatever his demand is.  This escalates quite quickly into screaming at the top of his lungs and hitting.  I take him into his room when he starts hitting and tell him that 'hands are not for hitting, we do not hit eachother in this home, etc.'  What happens next is that he lies on the floor kicking at me and then will get up charge at me to hit, bite, scratch, etc.  He has started cursing and yelling horrible things like 'i hope you die', i'm going to put this on your face so you can't breathe.' He's thrown toys at me too (heavy things).  My husband and I are baffled by this.  We have never hit our children eachother, we do not yell obsenities at eachother, and we surely never wish eachother dead.  It is very upsetting to see/hear these things from my son.  It can last up to 45 minutes until he calms down and then sometimes his anger turns to sadness/fear when he will finally let me near him to hold him.  Then, as if a switch was flipped, he will just start speaking about something as if nothing just happened.  

I have tried to talk to him about this when he is in his normal, happy state.  He seems to remember it but doesn't want to talk about it.  He will just 'yes' me and say he understands and won't do it again.  I try to approach the situation with a lot of love and he will roll his eyes and say ' why do we have to talk about this love stuff again?'  

I'm at a loss on how to avoid this situation.  I am fearful that he is going to seriously injure one of us or himself during these meltdowns.  I also worry about my 3 year old daughter witnessing this.  I haven't talked to a physician / psychiatrist yet.  I am concerned about labeling him and am not thrilled with the idea of medication.  Welcome thoughts/suggestions.  Thanks!

[margypops]

wow supermomma you said it all. I cant better that,  great info J...S8 thats what I would tell you aswell .......I hope .Good luck

[supermomma531]

Wow! You certainly do have your hands full! I wonder if he isn't having these temper tantrums to get attention. There could be jealousy over his little sister, or maybe he has witnessed this somewhere else that he has been to such as a friends house or school or maybe even on the soccer field. I don;t think that it would hurt to have a doctor look at him as long as you strongly voice your opinion about diagnoses. Then maybe they can direct you to child psychologist or a place for children to go to just talk to someone. I don't really know. I do know however that I do have experience with children with meltdowns. My 8.5 yr old boy is quite good at these. I also have a 11.5 yr old girl, and a 2.5 yr boy. Here are a few questions you may want to think about in this situation:  How much time does each of your children get with you and/or your husband one on one? Do you have consequences for all of their actions? Does each consequence serve each punishment? Make sure that you always talk to the child after each and every punishment ( there is no getting out of it for the child). Make sure that you talk to them so that they understand what you are talking about. Have them repeat back to you what you were just talking to them about. This is how you will know that they are LISTENING & HEARING WHAT YOU ARE SAYING TO THEM. Do they help you with chores around the house to feel like they are being big helpers to mom or dad? Are they praise and or rewarded for the good things that they do? If you happen to see them or hear them doing something excellent or great, do either one of you stop to say " hey,so and so, you really did a great job, thanks for that, I appreciate your great behavior! I love you! Do either one of you get down to their level to talk with them about everything so that you know that they are listening? Keep a reward chart so at the end of the week, when they have done their chores correctly, they get rewarded maybe with a movie or a trip to the store or a sleep over somewhere or have a friend sleep over. This will take about a few weeks or even up to a month or two of consistent work to start to see results. Don;t worry about posting more than once on here, everyone does it at least once. I hope that this helps you out with your children.