Avatar universal

What to do about my child?

My ex husband and I divorced a little over a year ago. He was physically and emotionally abusive to me. Since our seperation, I have been with one person, who I am married to now. Both of my daughters get along with their step-dad very well. He has a young daughter as well, and now we have a son together. My ex and I have a custody arrangement. I have sole physical custody and we have joint legal. I haven't had behavioral problems before as a result of my kids going to their dads, but within the last 6-8 months, my ex has been meeting women on the internet and subjecting my children to them. There is usually a "new friend" everytime they go there, most of which are his mother's age. My younger daughter's behavior has gradually gotten worse since this situation started. My daughter is excessively defiant, rude, bites, hits, etc., and now the behavior is rubbing off on my step-daughter, which is adding to the problem. He has another new girlfriend now, but the one he had before this one found out about his relationship issues after he moved in with her (his stuff and all the stuff he had for the kids). She kicked him out and lost all their stuff. I tried talking to my ex about not introducing the kids to anyone, especially during his visitation with them, and he said he agreed...unfortunately, he told me that to get me to leave him alone. I talked to my daughter's teacher, and she mentioned that another classmate had commented on my daughter's nailpolish and my daughter said, "the lady did it but i don't wanna talk about it." this comment raised a red flag for her teacher, so her teacher asked if the lady is nice to her. My daughter said, "yeah, but I don't wanna talk about it." Now, my daughter is scheduled to see a counselor. If that turns up nothing, I don't know what else to do...
6 Responses
535822 tn?1443976780
Its a difficult situation for you and I do understand how you feel ,thing is its his time with the child you may have to put up with it, unless they do sometime that the courts dont approve of, and I doubt nail varnish comes into it.You can always tell your daughter to say 'No thank you ' how old is your daughter ? Her seeing a counselor is a good idea and you will also get some feed back from another source .Good Luck
134578 tn?1614729226
If you have sole physical custody, are you saying you don't have to send the kids to their dad but you do anyway?  Given that he can't be trusted on the ladies-from-the-Internet front, why are you sending them to him?  Having a weekend of child care is not worth distressing the kids.
Avatar universal
@margypops My daughter is 5 yrs. old. It's not about the nail polish, it's about the fact that she is bottling up her emotions. She recently saw a counselor who evaluated her as having "adjustment disorder" due to the recent open door policy my ex has. Her outbursts are being expressed by her biting, hitting, etc. My ex is no longer providing a stable atmosphere for her. She has tried to express her concerns to her dad, but he dismisses them. Also, at a school program that he brought his current girlfriend to, the g/f flocked right to my daughter, calling her sweetheart and not giving her personal space. Right after this, my daughter went to my dad, who was also there. She wanted to be picked up, and didn't want to be put down.
Avatar universal
I have sole physical custody of both of my girls, with the exception of my ex's scheduled visitation. I'm hoping that with my ex's refusal to co-parent or communicate when issues/concerns arise, that the counselor will be able to give recommendations. If I end up going back to court because of this, then I guess I'll have to. Also, my daughter has said that when she does go to her dad's, "his g/f is always there" and then rolls her eyes and gets quiet.
13167 tn?1327194124
Hinder,  within ONE YEAR,  you have a new husband and a son after your divorce.

That's crazy fast,  for your daughters to adjust to.  I would think that would be more than enough to give her an "adjustment disorder".  Out with dad,  in with this guy,  and here's the new baby.  

I think maybe you should stop blaming your ex husband for everything wrong with this child, and consider your life example.
Avatar universal
I told my ex that I wanted a divorce in April '09. My kids and I prepared to move out because my ex thought he should get the house. My kids knew my now husband for quite awhile before we moved in July '09. Between July and August of '09, my children had to watch their biological father try to assault me in front of them. My ex ignored my girls for the next 3 months without so much as a phone call. Both of my girls were not happy when they had to start going back to their real dad's house, and this is when the behaviors started. the divorce was finalized in march of 2010. I didn't get married until Sept. 2010, and their baby brother came a month earlier.
I find it hard to swallow that you seem to suggest that the kids and I should have stayed in that abusive household. We moved for safety, and the girls have done fine up until they have had to deal with so many different women at their real dad's house. Everytime they bond with someone and expect to see them again in two weeks, it doesn't happen. I would think that having a woman living in his home and a g/f who comes and goes, would be confusing for my kids. I'm sorry you feel that way, but I am not the one who has random women in and out of my home during my time with my kids.
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