9 year old "picks" at anus and puts fingers in mouth

[melamom]

My daughter confessed to me what she called a "deep secret". She said that to go to sleep at night, she will pick at her rear with her fingers and that she has tasted her poop. She said that she has done this since she was very little in order to fall asleep, that it is relaxing to her. She was chronically constipated around the age of 4, and still sometimes struggles with bowel issues. She has no developmental issues or mental conditions that I know of other than a low self concept. I tried to be calm about it and told her gently that this is not a healthy thing to do because of germs on her fingers getting around the house etc. She does not want anyone to know (especially the doctor she said) because she is very embarassed. What should I do about this? I don't want to break her trust, as it caused her great discomfort to tell me this. Is this totally abnormal?

[jdtm]

The first thing you should do is to rule out "pinworms".  They tend to migrate to the anus in the evening and this is the time of day that they itch the most.  So, before you look for any "deep secret" meaning, rule out this very common condition.  You should be able to purchase over-the-counter medication for pinworms at any local pharmacy but you will probably have to ask the pharmacist for the medication as it may be stored behind the counter.  Usually a prescription is not needed.  Hope this helps ....

[LoriLi]

Hi,

From a developmental stand point, the anus and mouth are two significant  chakra points for children. Her gaining comfort from stimulating both areas could mean she is trying to come to terms with her increasing independence and growth.  You might want to try a few things to see how this helps. First is to start asking her often after she talks about something good or bad that happened, "how that made her feel", then say you understand her feelings and then ask what she needs, if anything. Get her working on releasing what she might be holding on to.  Second, you can tell her curative stories about animals that start as babies (baby racoon, etc) and grow to try new things and venture into the world...all the while knowing that they have a the safety of mommy/daddy and friends.  And lastly is to remain supportive as you are about her telling you things about her body she is embarrassed about. You can acknowledge that her body is sacred, and if she has any questions about it she can always always talk to you.

At nine years of age, your daughter has just gone through the "nine year change" and this is significant.  It is unsettling for many children as they lose their old fantasy world and start to see themselves more separate from Mom. This is a time for you in your heart as well to acknowledge that and visualize your self joined by the heart, but less by the ambilical cord.

These are my thoughts as a novice mom with an 8 year old boy.

All my best...

[jge2]

I found out last night my 8 year old son has been digging in his butt because it tickles.  Do you think the same.

[melamom]

Sorry, I should have said that she recently had a negative parasite test that was completely unrelated to this incident. (with bowel troubles, you sometimes have to do that to rule out parasite infections.) Also, she said it does not itch, and having had pinworms before, I can tell you those things ITCH! Thanks for your reply.