Aa
Why is my son different? Is there a name for it?
I have a 3 yr old (turned 3 this month) son Liam Daniel. He has been concerning us for a while for several reasons. There is a scary side and a wonderful side to it. On the scarier side: He stopped talking just before turning 2. He could say maybe 15 words or so and then quit talking at all. He does talk gibberish and very rarely will say "Momma", "Daddy" and "Bubble".
He has great difficulty dealing with people (including my husband) and sometimes will scream at them if they even talk to him, he rarely allows people to touch him (except me) and sometimes my husband or his oldest sister. Often I am the only one he will accept to feed or take care of him at all w/o throwing a fit (screaming, crying and occasionally hitting).
I don't consider this next part negative but it is unusual I think: when he is excited (happy), he will flap his hands and do a while body dance (picking up his feet, flapping hands, raising arms up and down and dance/marching back and forth). It is not a jerky dance, smooth and graceful but repetitive, for as long as he is enjoying the moment.
He also frequently screams for reasons we can't understand; a scene in a movie, at a toy, sometimes we never can figure out what bothered him but it seems he sees something that he can't tolerate and will scream repeatedly, loudly, even to the point of shaking, until I can get him to relax.
He has never shown an interest in most inanimate toys, like stuffed animals, dolls, trucks or any imaginative play items. Occasionally he screams and hits/throws the toy if you offer one to him. The only inanimate/non-electronic toys he seems to like are legos, blocks/stackables, and balls...as long as they are relatively plain in their decoration.
He has always been very obsessed with electronics. I call it obsession because he is drawn to anything electronic like a magnet, can focus and play with the electronic for hours if allowed (I've started allowing longer time periods to see what he could do with it), and depending on the item, will go into extended fits if it is taken away. For example, we don't allow him to play with my 10 yr old daughter's DSI and if he sees it he screams and will continue going to where he last saw it throughout the day and crying.
It started before he was 1 yr. We bought him the "Your Baby Can Read Series" and put a dvd player in his room before he turned 1. He loved the show and wanted to watch it constantly and soon learned to work the dvd player (around the time he turned a year). He then learned the remote as well. He got a hold of my husbands's Ipod and learned to turn on the music and find his favorite games between age 1-2. Eventually we saw it was not accidental but that he knew what he was doing as some of the actions require a more complicated series of buttons. He learned to manipulate our tv and change the input from our Netflix (Xbox) to the DVD input depending on what he wanted to watch and could start his own movies all before he was 2. He then did the same thing at his grandparents' house with a completely different tv & setup. at the g-parents it was a 5 step process requiring more complicated menu navigation (he did it on the tv, not with the remote).
He has worked a variety of electronics: stereos, dvd players, tv's, cell phones, etc..., always finding the games, music or activities. We switched from Xbox to PS3 a few months ago and he can now log in to the master acct and access netflix or games. He often explores the other PS3 content as well.
However, he rarely watches an entire show but likes to watch dvd menus or repeats specific points in a show over and over. Sometimes he's not watching the show at all but working with the remote.
He commandeered my 6 yr old daughter's Mobigo and has mastered quite a few of the games (I can check the playing activity online), many with perfect scores. With minimal training from us he can count numbers in sequence and also do some very basic addition. Most of it he's learned from electronics (shows, games, etc..)
He has a tag reader, a Scout the dog toy, and some other talking/electronic toys and that is the only kind of toy he usually will play with.
He has a great interest in letters and words and points to them everywhere he sees them. Consequently, we read everything to him, like street signs or notes posted on buildings and he loves it. I have a suspicion that he may be able to read some or at least has an advanced understanding of words, but without the talking I can't be sure. The math abilities he shows us using his talking toys.
He is not really taking to potty training. He does occasionally take an interest in using silverware but not often. He does like working on using a cup but he wants me to assist he. Most of the time I pretend to help but he's doing the on his own.
Some family information:
Our family is a blended family. 4 kids ages 3, 6, 10 and 10. The oldest two are boy/girl twins (My step-kids). 6 yr old is my daughter from prev relationship and then Liam (3) is ours together. We are low income. Both my husband and I are reasonably intelligent but came from poor backgrounds, no college, and are working to get ahead. We don't have anywhere near the time I'd like to work with Liam, which is why it is so impressive what Liam has learned. Our oldest boy is Autistic and has a demanding schedule, along with the 3 other kids. I stay at home w/ kids and Liam has never been to daycare or babysitter besides family.
Due to our older son's Autism (Moderate) we are concerned for Liam and his unusual behaviors. I must say, that I don't completely see Autism with Liam. He is responsive and interactive with other people, he just doesn't seem to trust them very easily. He shows an interest in others, makes eye contact and seeks out attention/contact. I don't know what to think.
Liam is scheduled to be tested for his delays mid-May (had to wait for him to turn 3). I am looking for any insights into why he is different. I want to be prepared for what we may hear from his doctor. I realize a label doesn't really change who our son is but rather gives us insight into how to raise/help him. Mostly I want to be prepared for my husband's sake. He is going to be a lot more affected by what the testing reveals. Any insights/information would be greatly appreciated.
He has great difficulty dealing with people (including my husband) and sometimes will scream at them if they even talk to him, he rarely allows people to touch him (except me) and sometimes my husband or his oldest sister. Often I am the only one he will accept to feed or take care of him at all w/o throwing a fit (screaming, crying and occasionally hitting).
I don't consider this next part negative but it is unusual I think: when he is excited (happy), he will flap his hands and do a while body dance (picking up his feet, flapping hands, raising arms up and down and dance/marching back and forth). It is not a jerky dance, smooth and graceful but repetitive, for as long as he is enjoying the moment.
He also frequently screams for reasons we can't understand; a scene in a movie, at a toy, sometimes we never can figure out what bothered him but it seems he sees something that he can't tolerate and will scream repeatedly, loudly, even to the point of shaking, until I can get him to relax.
He has never shown an interest in most inanimate toys, like stuffed animals, dolls, trucks or any imaginative play items. Occasionally he screams and hits/throws the toy if you offer one to him. The only inanimate/non-electronic toys he seems to like are legos, blocks/stackables, and balls...as long as they are relatively plain in their decoration.
He has always been very obsessed with electronics. I call it obsession because he is drawn to anything electronic like a magnet, can focus and play with the electronic for hours if allowed (I've started allowing longer time periods to see what he could do with it), and depending on the item, will go into extended fits if it is taken away. For example, we don't allow him to play with my 10 yr old daughter's DSI and if he sees it he screams and will continue going to where he last saw it throughout the day and crying.
It started before he was 1 yr. We bought him the "Your Baby Can Read Series" and put a dvd player in his room before he turned 1. He loved the show and wanted to watch it constantly and soon learned to work the dvd player (around the time he turned a year). He then learned the remote as well. He got a hold of my husbands's Ipod and learned to turn on the music and find his favorite games between age 1-2. Eventually we saw it was not accidental but that he knew what he was doing as some of the actions require a more complicated series of buttons. He learned to manipulate our tv and change the input from our Netflix (Xbox) to the DVD input depending on what he wanted to watch and could start his own movies all before he was 2. He then did the same thing at his grandparents' house with a completely different tv & setup. at the g-parents it was a 5 step process requiring more complicated menu navigation (he did it on the tv, not with the remote).
He has worked a variety of electronics: stereos, dvd players, tv's, cell phones, etc..., always finding the games, music or activities. We switched from Xbox to PS3 a few months ago and he can now log in to the master acct and access netflix or games. He often explores the other PS3 content as well.
However, he rarely watches an entire show but likes to watch dvd menus or repeats specific points in a show over and over. Sometimes he's not watching the show at all but working with the remote.
He commandeered my 6 yr old daughter's Mobigo and has mastered quite a few of the games (I can check the playing activity online), many with perfect scores. With minimal training from us he can count numbers in sequence and also do some very basic addition. Most of it he's learned from electronics (shows, games, etc..)
He has a tag reader, a Scout the dog toy, and some other talking/electronic toys and that is the only kind of toy he usually will play with.
He has a great interest in letters and words and points to them everywhere he sees them. Consequently, we read everything to him, like street signs or notes posted on buildings and he loves it. I have a suspicion that he may be able to read some or at least has an advanced understanding of words, but without the talking I can't be sure. The math abilities he shows us using his talking toys.
He is not really taking to potty training. He does occasionally take an interest in using silverware but not often. He does like working on using a cup but he wants me to assist he. Most of the time I pretend to help but he's doing the on his own.
Some family information:
Our family is a blended family. 4 kids ages 3, 6, 10 and 10. The oldest two are boy/girl twins (My step-kids). 6 yr old is my daughter from prev relationship and then Liam (3) is ours together. We are low income. Both my husband and I are reasonably intelligent but came from poor backgrounds, no college, and are working to get ahead. We don't have anywhere near the time I'd like to work with Liam, which is why it is so impressive what Liam has learned. Our oldest boy is Autistic and has a demanding schedule, along with the 3 other kids. I stay at home w/ kids and Liam has never been to daycare or babysitter besides family.
Due to our older son's Autism (Moderate) we are concerned for Liam and his unusual behaviors. I must say, that I don't completely see Autism with Liam. He is responsive and interactive with other people, he just doesn't seem to trust them very easily. He shows an interest in others, makes eye contact and seeks out attention/contact. I don't know what to think.
Liam is scheduled to be tested for his delays mid-May (had to wait for him to turn 3). I am looking for any insights into why he is different. I want to be prepared for what we may hear from his doctor. I realize a label doesn't really change who our son is but rather gives us insight into how to raise/help him. Mostly I want to be prepared for my husband's sake. He is going to be a lot more affected by what the testing reveals. Any insights/information would be greatly appreciated.
Best Answer
Just a quick update, we had the appointment and Liam was diagnosed as Autistic. We are going to another specialist to get more extensive testing done. Just thought I would let you all know. Today is a hard day for us so I will get back on another time. Thanks for all your ideas. I was hoping it would be something more easily repaired but he is my son and I already know him as the person he is. I guess Autism doesn't change that. Just a very big challenge. Anyway, that you all for your comments.
I'll start by answering the questions you posed.
Our initial evaluation is with our son's PCP, however he does both general practice and behavioral/developmental health. He also treats our oldest son (Nate). (Oddly enough, he is the best doctor we've ever had work with our oldest son and he has Aspergers.)
However, we are in frequent contact with Nate's school and recently spoke with them about Liam's appointment. They were very helpful with information and did mention testing (at the school) and some school programs (including OT & ST) (as well as some state funded options) that we can look in to . For our district they are very well funded in the spec ed dept and have a lot of resources and training. I think they will be quite helpful.
I agree about the socialization. That is one area I know we fall short in. He has had far too much time with me. We are pushing his limits some but not enough. I have finally made myself stop taking over with him and letting my husband do more. It has had a positive effect and he is becoming more open to his father.
We don't really have a lot of friends period, or friends with kids. We hardly go out...have never had a babysitter. I know we are extremely internal but we have been reaching out to expand our support system so hopefully we will find something suitable in that search. We are planning with my parents to let Liam be with them more over the summer, trying to get him ready for Headstart. We need to work harder in the socialization area.
We do have boundries in place for him. When he screams (in anger/defiance) or disobeys we warn once, then take him to time out. Sometimes we take toys away. Other times we re-direct. It depends on the circumstance. There has been conflicting advice to us about withholding items until he communicates but we aren't comfortable doing that until we know more about why he's not communicating.
I will look up floor time, as well as the sensory integration disorder and see what it's about.
I feel like you in that, all things considered, I am hoping they will label him disabled/delayed because it will open up so many resources for us. Then if he turns out to be okay later...it's just a name to me. My husband may not feel the same but I will be there for him in it. I'm not saying it won't make me sad, just that it would open a lot of doors for our son.
I really appreciate your input. I'm going to re-read your post and look in to what you've said. Our appointment in on Wednesday so I will post an update within a couple days. Thanks so much taking time to answer.
Our initial evaluation is with our son's PCP, however he does both general practice and behavioral/developmental health. He also treats our oldest son (Nate). (Oddly enough, he is the best doctor we've ever had work with our oldest son and he has Aspergers.)
However, we are in frequent contact with Nate's school and recently spoke with them about Liam's appointment. They were very helpful with information and did mention testing (at the school) and some school programs (including OT & ST) (as well as some state funded options) that we can look in to . For our district they are very well funded in the spec ed dept and have a lot of resources and training. I think they will be quite helpful.
I agree about the socialization. That is one area I know we fall short in. He has had far too much time with me. We are pushing his limits some but not enough. I have finally made myself stop taking over with him and letting my husband do more. It has had a positive effect and he is becoming more open to his father.
We don't really have a lot of friends period, or friends with kids. We hardly go out...have never had a babysitter. I know we are extremely internal but we have been reaching out to expand our support system so hopefully we will find something suitable in that search. We are planning with my parents to let Liam be with them more over the summer, trying to get him ready for Headstart. We need to work harder in the socialization area.
We do have boundries in place for him. When he screams (in anger/defiance) or disobeys we warn once, then take him to time out. Sometimes we take toys away. Other times we re-direct. It depends on the circumstance. There has been conflicting advice to us about withholding items until he communicates but we aren't comfortable doing that until we know more about why he's not communicating.
I will look up floor time, as well as the sensory integration disorder and see what it's about.
I feel like you in that, all things considered, I am hoping they will label him disabled/delayed because it will open up so many resources for us. Then if he turns out to be okay later...it's just a name to me. My husband may not feel the same but I will be there for him in it. I'm not saying it won't make me sad, just that it would open a lot of doors for our son.
I really appreciate your input. I'm going to re-read your post and look in to what you've said. Our appointment in on Wednesday so I will post an update within a couple days. Thanks so much taking time to answer.
I appreciate what you are saying. I had heard the information about Einstein and I do realize that not talking (at 3) is not necessarily a disorder/disability. I do feel/know that he is different. It's hard to express all of it on here, or even in words. I think the testing is just a place to start. I may not even agree with what they say. I just know that he needs special training. I have even considered the possibility that he is gifted instead of disabled. Who knows?! His appointment is on Wednesday so I am anxious to hear the doctor's opinion. At any rate, I have had some of the same thoughts that you said.
I will be taking your advice. In my experience, it has been very difficult to find information about resources for my older son. That is just the sort of source I need.
Just to update you, I have gathered up a large number of PECs cards online and am decorating the house with them (lol). I think given the situation that this is a great way to get some communication going with him. I really appreciate the idea. I have not yet made him his own board/book but I will let you know how it goes when I do. Sometimes I get so wrapped up on getting the work done that I forget to look for the simple answer. Anyway, thank you for your idea.
Thank all of you for your responses. I haven't logged in in a while due to very busy school schedule for oldest son. I really appreciate the information and will make use of it. I will try to respond to each individual post. .
Yes, I would never diagnose a child here at med help and no one ever should. I don't know if he has autism and certainly, there are things that are not concerning. However, some of the classic signs are present and those would be enough for me to seek an evaluation. By starting early, they can really help a child overcome things. Developmental delays are such that identifying them early on can change the course of a child's life. That is why I'm such a big proponant of early intervention. I think it is fantastic that this mom is seeing that there is an issue and trying to get to the root cause. Maybe it won't be autism at all but with what she has written here, I'm sure it will be something they look at. And either way, helping a child grow and progress is the bottom line and she is doing that! I know that we all with her loads of luck!!
specialmon - but some of his other traits don't seem to match autism. However, my knowledge of autism is limited.
allmymarbles, what is a sign of autism is a 'regression' in speech which is what this child has had. That is a bit more concerning.
Well, your child is certainly unusual. As to his lack of speech, I have two grandchildren who did not speak until they were three. They are as normal as the other 10. (Einstein did not speak until very late.) His ability with electronics is nothing short of amazing, so he is exceptionally intelligent, at least in one area.
His screaming fits are a perplexing, and given how extreme they are, not at all normal. Were this your first child, I might think it was a problem of parenting. But you are an experienced mother. Even your son's expression of delight is somewhat odd. I would seek counsel to try to determine what is motivating his behavior and how to help him.
His screaming fits are a perplexing, and given how extreme they are, not at all normal. Were this your first child, I might think it was a problem of parenting. But you are an experienced mother. Even your son's expression of delight is somewhat odd. I would seek counsel to try to determine what is motivating his behavior and how to help him.
You should read some posts by specialmom. She is a regular contributor on this forum and has had a lot of experience with sensory integration disorder. You might be able to get some really helpful tips.
Thanks for the idea Diva. I don't know if that's it but it's possible. I looked it up and It could explain some of what's going on with Liam.
I have the PECS for my oldest son and am working on a theme for the house. I have to think on a way to use them effectively with Liam. I am also working on a way to test his reading skills with objects and word cards. Now if I can just find the time to implement everything!
If they label him with a disorder I can get the state to pay for therapy but if not, I will have to devise the best strategy I can implement on my own. We are low income and there's no way we can pay for a therapist. I have been seriously considering going to school to get certified in some of these things. My whole life is already centered around working with my disabled son. Lol, I wanted to be an artist but all of that stopped 4 years ago when I became Nate's (my oldest son) mother. I just hope I have what it takes to do this for both boys if that's what it comes to.
I have the PECS for my oldest son and am working on a theme for the house. I have to think on a way to use them effectively with Liam. I am also working on a way to test his reading skills with objects and word cards. Now if I can just find the time to implement everything!
If they label him with a disorder I can get the state to pay for therapy but if not, I will have to devise the best strategy I can implement on my own. We are low income and there's no way we can pay for a therapist. I have been seriously considering going to school to get certified in some of these things. My whole life is already centered around working with my disabled son. Lol, I wanted to be an artist but all of that stopped 4 years ago when I became Nate's (my oldest son) mother. I just hope I have what it takes to do this for both boys if that's what it comes to.
My daughter has something called verbal apraxia. It can come along with autism or on its own. It's where the child has trouble with the motor movements of speech. He/she can understand what is said around him, but can't form the words to respond. Since children with apraxia are aware of this they are very frustrated and disappointed that they cannot communicate. Before we started using the picture cards to help her, my daughter would throw fits like that. She'd randomly scream and run around like she was dancing. It has to come out some way doesn't it? We can only imagine how these children must feel when they have something to say and can't say it. I would find him a speech therapist as quickly as possible and start using the PECS (picture cards) with him. He'll feel empowered and much better. 3 is a wonderful age to start this!
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Child Behavior Community
Fearing autism, many parents aren't vaccinating their kids. Can doctors reverse this dangerous trend?
Is a gluten-free diet right for you?
We answer your top questions about the flu vaccine.
Learn which over-the-counter medicines are safe for you and your baby
Yummy eats that will keep your child healthy and happy
Healing home remedies for common ailments
I have a boy with sensory integration disorder which can be along with another diagnosis such as autism or all on its own. Many kids with sensory integration disorder have speech issues, can have motor control issues and motor planning issues (difficulty in fine and gross), social skills issues, and craving for things that make no sense to us (running themselves into a wall). We worked on this with our child and did a lot with early intervention and have had great success.
I think if you are in the states, Rats! Your son would have definately been a canidate for the birth to age 3 early intervention program funded by the federal and state government. But you are starting at 3----------- is your local public school system handling evaluations? I would take any and all services they offer from speech, to occupational therapy to physical therapy.
I would try to socialize with your son even though this is difficult. He should be around people and encouraged to interact in a postive way and also discouraged for bad behavior (by bad I mean hitting and such.) If you have any good girlfriends with kids around the same age, you can just be honest with them and tell them that you are working on things. Kids of 3 are just getting out of parrellel play and your son developmentally sounds behind that-------- so I wouldn't expect them to play together, but to acknowledge they are there and not have a meltdown would be good at this point.
Something to improve his play skills is something they call "floor time". Google this but it is a way to encourage them to motor plan and develop their ability to play. I did this with my son.
You can google sensory integration disorder as it affects the nervous system and has some similarities to autism depending on the severity of it.
Hey, you are doing a great job. You are clearly smart and articulate. I want to tell you that my son was evaluated at 3 without a conclusion and then diagnosed as things worsened at 4. Best thing that could have happened. We were able to aggressively help him overcome the challenges of his delay. He's now 7 and doing fantastic. I wish the same for your son and it sounds like you are taking steps to start intervention. So smart of you!!
Please please let us know what comes out of your mid May evaluation. I will try to help you in any way I can. I've spent the past 3 years plus on ways to help our kids. I'll be happy to share anything I've learned! Peace.