change in behavior

Question

My 20 month old granddaughter has been very close to me and just recently she wants nothing to do with me. She won't let me hold her and refuses to stay at my house or have me babysit. She is extremely close to her mom. I sing songs to her and read many books. Now she says "no grandma sing, want mommy sing song" I am the grandma in town. She does not display that behavior with my husband (grandpa) or her other grandparents who live out of town but she sees them often. When I am in the same room as her other grandma she will choose her over me. This behavior has been very sudden and everyone thinks I am overreacting. It concerns me since she does not demonstrate this type of behavior to anyone else that she is close to.

Franedd

This discussion is related to Toddler Behavior.

franedd · Answer

Such great words of wisdom.  I guess I will just have to be patient and allow her to take the lead.

franedd

margypops · Answer

Great information in these posts it is something I have had to come to terms with and you guys have given me another perspective, and I do Grandmomming here and 3000 miles away. Thank you

jdtm · Answer

Just ride with it - this too will pass.  We had the same thing happen with one of our grandchildren (and yes, it hurts - but rest assured, it's only temporary).  Try and look at it this way - now it is the other grandmother's turn to feel "special" where in the past, she was always "second fiddle".  We just stayed in the background without pressing ourselves on her.  I always waited until she approached me - and then, followed her lead.  Now, she will come running to greet her grandmother, but it took a couple of years.  This child also has a more reserved and inhibited personality and so it does take her more time to "warm up".

Remaining close does not mean you will always be her "number one" person.  I was the "number one" person in one of our grandchildren's lives - but not today.  But that does not mean I do not love her nor she me.  It just means she's growing up (oh - her peers are definitely more fun than grandma).  Our own children grew this way and so will our grandchildren.  A difficult lesson that I am learning is that the older they get, the less you have them physically in your life.  But that also happened with our own children, did it not?  It will be fine - you'll see.  I wish you the best ....

franedd · Answer

As a matter of fact she has stayed with us quite a bit lately since her parents were traveling for work.  I do believe that she associates being with us as a time when her parents are going to leave.  How do you suggest we still remain close but allow her to not be afraid that her parents are going to leave everytime she is with us.  Thanks for your input.

franedd

jdtm · Answer

You're overreacting.  One of our grandchildren would choose me over her other grandmother when she was a toddler.  What I noticed was the other grandmother would rush to the child, scoop her up and smother her with kisses.  This child's disposition was more reserved and this type of behaviour seemed to startle her.  Are you, perhaps choosing this route?  Also, if you feel you are "in competition" with other people in the same room, this child could very well be sensitive enough to feel it.  One thing about love - there is always enough to go around and being chosen first does not mean loved the most.  

Often children at this age do become a bit hesitant with other people.  One thought - does this child stay at the other grandparent's home?  If not, then she might connect your being present with not being able to go home with Mommy.  One of our grandchildren went through this stage.  Hope this helps ...