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1349124 tn?1276699178

desperately seeking help dealing with a 8yr old with adhd and mood disorders

I have an 8 yr. old son, he was diagnosed with adhd,and ptsd. we had to hold him back this past year in school because of his emotional development issues. he struggled all year long. he would have 'meltdowns" in class. he would get very angry and upset because he coulnd't comprehend the work. he would start crying, throwing his crayons, pencils, papers, notebook, whatever he couldget his hands on then crawl under his desk and curl up in a ball and cry. he also was very abusive to his teacher, she would try to reason with him and calm him down but most of the time it didn't work. after he did finally calm down he was useless for the rest of the day. he made3 no attempt to do his work or participate with the class. he went to the counselor on several occasions but he wouldn't tell her what was wrong or anything. he lashed out at the other children in class and treated them mean sometimes hitting and kicking them for no apparent reason. he has been on medication since he was 4 yrs old. he was in a counseling group 2 times a week, but when we moved to Sandsprings the counseling sessions stopped. for the last 2 nights he has woken up and was fighting something and very angry. i tried to get him to wake up and tell me what was wrong, but he just slung his arm around covered up his head and rolled over. he has been on medication since the age of 4, and he has been on just about every medication there is for adhd and mood disorders. my ex-husband decided to9 take him off his med's about a month ago and he has gone downhill ever since. the doseage of 1 of his med's is kinda high so i didn't put him back on it until i can get him into see a real psychiatrist and counselor. i try talking to him, being sympathetic, being consistant with the rules and very clear as to what is expected of him and he is just becoming out of control. between me, his step-dad, and grandma over the last 4 days he has gotten spanked, sent to his room, put in time-out, games taken away, anything i can think of to punish him for his negative behavior. his dad called last night and i took the phone to him, and when i did i reached up and turned the t.v. down a little so they could hear he reached up and slapped me on my arm, i reacted and slapped him back on his hand. his dad threw a fit because zack was crying and couldn't talk clearly, his dad got me back on the phone and began to jump on me over it and i told him that i was not going to tollerate him hitting me like that. he was mad about it, but he is an over the road truck driver and he's not here raising him on a day to day basis. i am at my witts end with him i don't know what or how to help him. i just try to be as consistant as i can with him and show him a ton of love all day and night long. we play games together i try to help him with his school work or anything he needs help with, i treat him with respect and honor his wishes, yet he disrespects me4 constantly, back talking giving me evil looks, deliberately disobeying me, screaming and yelling, running through the house. he wont do what i ask him to do until i get up and spank him or put him in time-out. it seems like no matter what i try to do to disipline him it doesn't phase him a bit. when he gets punished he just gets more and more angry and hostile towards anyone or the animals or whoever happens to be there. i have an appointment with an accredited psychiatrist at the end of the month, i just don't know what to do with him until then. i do not like to spank him but nothing else even comes close to getting through to him. i just feel like a bad parent because my child won't mind or obey me or anyone else for that matter. i tried to enforce disipline with him when he was young, but his dad would step in and protect him from getting punished, then he and i would argue and fight for hours over it. see he doesn't believe in spanking or time-outs or grounding, or taking away priveledges he thinks that he can just talk to him and fix it all, but what he doesn't realize is that he may be on his best behavior while he is in town for time off but when he leaves zack goes right back to his negative, self-destructive behavior. he shows no respect for me at all, it takes him getting into trouble before he will listen to me and do what i say. we argue and fight over homework, chores, everything. i desperately need some help, advise, suggestions, anything to try different than what we've been doing because it's not working. i know he needs to be seeing a counselor at least 2 times a month if not more, and he probably needs to be on some kind of med's to balance out his mood swings and anger issues. he needs to learn some coping skills and learn how to deal with life on lifes terms. he has got to gain the knowledge and tools in order to be able to cope with life. when he gets grown and out on his own and has know how to deal with other people without loosing his temper. i just want the best for him and for him to be a healthy, sucessful, well balanced person who can take care of himself and learn to be resilient. i don't want him to end up being an angry, hateful, resentful dis-liked person. i want the very best for him and for him to take advantage of every opportunity that is presented to him and be sucessful at it. i just want my little boy to be a healthy mentally stable adult someday. i would appriciate any advise, comments, suggestions, any response to my delima. thanks for taking the time to read all of this.  

                                                                         sincerely, desperately seeking help,
                                                                              frustrated, concerned mom


This discussion is related to My son has very bad temper tantrums.
7 Responses
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1924149 tn?1322804529
Im 21 I dont know if this will still help it has been over a year now BUT I have ADHD. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 12/13 yrs old..it was extremely stressful and tough.. My father comes from an old school Hispanic culture where rules where extremely strict.. but i grew up along with a brother which helped because I would keep busy messing around with him. I would constantly be yelled at because of acting up..yelling and screaming cursing at my dad.. i hated my dad up until i realized he did not know how to handle me AND my ADHD. I did take medications for about a year than stopped because we couldnt afford it.. i did start again once i was in high school..i took adderall ((spelled wrong)) to help me concentrate in school and stop messing around. IT WORKED i went from a straight F student to Straight A for that semester BUT I F***NG HATED THE PILL.. excuse my language.. it made me feel like someone tied a rope around me and i was being detained from being or moving the way i was born and ment to be. My dad has always made it clear to me that its NOT normal and that i need to ACT NORMAL which lowered my self -esteem...try to put a positive spin on things and try not to make him feel below others...i learned to love the fact that i have ADHD... i have been called weird and strange plenty of times BUT WEIRD IS JUST ANOTHER WORD FOR UNIQUE...he has his own character observe him learn and act based on what you see :) the fact that you are separated from your kids father can also affect very much...my parents fought ALL OF THE TIME and usually it was due to subjects pertaining to me... MADE ME FEEL GUILTY AND DEPRESSED...PLUS THE BAD GRADES AND GETTING YELLED AT...didnt add up well...

NOW I am a young adult AND YES still very TOUGH...i have been off medications since i was 18.. my ADHD still does affect me BUT i was  lucky to have found a job that goes with me... im constantly busy doing something that involves body, visual and mental uses and also interacting with people :) Im happy with myself and have learned a lot because of my ADHD..dont see it as a problem :) ur child is very unique and wonderful in my eyes and i hope you two are doing good and are getting through things happily :D

i hope my personal experience helps a little :)

PS. it might be hard for you child to talk about things specially in his teenage years.. ONE I GOT OLD ENOUGH TO DRINK.. i got super drunk ((my first time)) and that was the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE THAT I WAS ABLE TO HAVE A REAL CONVERSION WITH MY FATHER OF HOW I FELT.. feeling ran deep since i was in first grade :( i hope you can develop a good relationship unlike me and my father :D
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
If you aren't up to roughing it too much might I suggest a light colored tent, using fish hooks for yourself that WILL NOT catch anything and ones for him that might.  Also use stink bait.  Kids like stink bait. LOL.

In addition to which campfires and smores, stories and bad animal noises always make it more special than a theme park.

Honestly though leaving All electronic devices behind or camping where the signals are lousy seems to help.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Sorry I saw the ADHD tag.  Camping is the original religious experience, it fills the senses occupies the mind, and if fishing soothes the soul.

You find men and the works and words of men in churches.  You understand the craftsman by what his hands create.  You want to commune with god you do likke Moses, and even Jesus did and head out to the wilderness.

  Plus I like fish!

Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
Sam--------- I don't have an ADD kid but a sensory kid.  I like your suggestions.  Ugh.  I'm going to have to buy a fishing pole for myself though and try to find an air conditioned tent.  But my boy is now part of cub scouts (he's 6) and they are beginning camping and overnights in the near future.  Hopefully that counts.  But I will try to explore my more rugged side.  Curious why you have camping and fishing on your list though.  
good list though.
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Avatar universal
If he has ADD which I enjoyed as a youth and struggle against as an adult you need the following:

1) lots of physical activities- martial arts, tumbling dance etc.
2) Mnemonics learning how to retain information quickly without having to devote a lot of attention helps a lot!
3) Diet .  Try the Feingold ADD diet.
4) Sleep.  This influences a hell of a lot of things.
5) Hands on learning activities. Add kids learn differently.  There is some thought that they are throwbacks to when a different type of processing and alertness was needed, coincidentally they are also more intelligent than the average.
6) Camp and fish more with them if possible-  Actually camp and fish with your kids whenever possible regardless as to whether they have ADD.
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189897 tn?1441126518
COMMUNITY LEADER
  If you had written to the ADHD forum, I would have said read a lot of the other posts.  Your kid is doing a lot of what is very normal (except for the ptsd) for an ADHD child.  
Your attempts at discipline (spanking in particular) won't work with ADHD kids.  You really need to get a feel for what is going on with them and thus how to work with them.
  Hopefully, the psychiatrist you will go to see will be able to also spend some time with you and help/show you ways to work with your son.  His reaction to you (slapping) is very typical for a child not on meds.
  I would suggest that you order the book, "The ADD/ ADHD Answer book," by Susan Ashley as fast as possible (amazon carries it).  There is a whole section on disciplining the ADHD child.  There are sections on how to help with school, etc.  You will find that it will be a major resource for all of you.  It also will give you some expert advice that you can share with your ex.  In fact you might want to get him a copy also.
  If your child does go back on meds during the summer, I would also spend time reading to him and him reading to you.  Maybe also work on flash cards with simple math addition/subtraction problems.  If he's not on meds then I wouldn't expect too much success (it's possible, but its got to be in real short bursts,etc).  Speaking of school, his behavior would have been more normal for a child not on meds.  He also seemed to be showing signs of extreme frustration.  I kind of wonder how used to working with ADHD kids his teacher was and how much pressure there was on him to get to work?  Or how big the class was and how little time the teacher had to give one on one help?   Did he have the same problems the year before?
   Anyway, a lot of answers to your questions are in the book I recommended.  I am glad you will be seeing a psyc for him.  Remember, the psyc can also / should also recommend behavioral therapy ideas for you to use with him.  You might even want to see if the psyc can put his ideas into writing so you can send them to your ex.  
   There is a lot that you can do without giving up custody to your child.  You just need the information and the desire.  Good Luck!
Helpful - 0
13167 tn?1327194124
It's interesting that he CAN behave for his father.  When you have a child who appears so completely out of control as yours does,  and yet he does in fact behave well for his father,  that's a big point to make.

Can his dad have him more often?   Is there anything else he can do besides being a truck driver,  and get custody of him?

I was interested in your first sentence that he's been diagnosed with PTSD,  which is really huge - and indicates he's had significant trauma.  That alone can cause a lot of his behaviors.

I think first,  you should call your pediatrician and tell then your husband has removed your son's medications,  and first go in that direction.  Being suddenly taken off different meds can cause enormous psychological and physical problems that spanking doesn't cure.
Helpful - 0
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