does this boy with a sad past need professional help? Please read!

[WorriedMary]

HELP
My husband's son lives with us and I along with my parents believe this child needs professional help. We have tried every kind of discipline.

He is 6 years old, his father was in Afghanistan and his parents marriage was a disaster.while his father was away at war, the boy's mother had strange men over, she partied, did drugs and drank incessantly,and left him with strangers.when his parents WERE together, the boy's mother was verbally and physically abusive to his father IN FRONT OF HIM. Needless to say his parents divorced and I have now married his father.
The boy is a compulsive liar. He lies about anything and everything, even just to make up stories to grown ups. He will go out of his way to lie.
He is the most emotionally sensitive and unstable child I've ever seen. The boy will cry at the drop of a hat, my husband likes to play jokes and pranks on the children, and he will cry uncontrollably.he takes everything so hard and is incredibly emotional.

There was one disturbing  instance in school  where all the children got ice cream except him(because he had gotten in trouble that day)  so he CHOKED himself. He put his hands around his throat and squeezed until he was people and wouldn't let go until the teacher pried his hands apart.

When he gets upset, even when it's over something totally silly or insignificant, he hits rock bottom.
There was another time where he got a pocket knife from our bedroom and stabbed the walls of our house.dozens and dozens of times.then hid the knife in his back pack
He also one time took dog poop and smeared it all over my son's back because my son was annoying him.

He has absolutely no respect for authority.He talks over adults, lies to them, and blatantly disrespects them.

PLEASE HELP I along with my parents, believes he needs professional help. Whenever I bring it up to my husband he goes ballistic. My husband blinds himself to these problems because of the stigma of a behaviorally disturbed child. My husband refuses to even discuss the possibility of a serious behavioral problem. Refuses to consider therapy.
Please help, I'm at the end of my rope and don't know what to do.
Part of me wonders if his actions are normal for a 6 year old and if I'm just being overly sensitive.
But in my gut I know there's a serious problem..please help us

[WorriedMary]

Also, the ice cream incident, I agree was cruel, however he does know that if he is bad that day he will not get ice cream at the end of the day.there were other children other than him that did not get any, but it still is sad to know he had to sit there and watch them.
We live up in the Appalachians and the school he attends is very very small.k-8 and only 2 school buses for the entire school. Needless to say they have no after school activities and I hate to say, the faculty is  very poor.we've run into a few problems.I'd doubt if there's even a counselor he could talk with

[WorriedMary]

Thank you very much sand man I will absolutely look into those options, I appreciate it. I assure you the jokes are all in good fun, like I said my husband has definitely shifted the way he plays around with his son now. His son was a rough and tough little boy, very happy go lucky, up until he moved back with us after months with his mother.when he came back it was like he was a different child.
When it comes to punishment I absolutely agree, ny husband is extremely reluctant to discipline.I also am because he is not my son, and with the way he makes up stories I fear sometimes that if I did discipline him, that he'd exaggerate or spin lies to his mother or teachers etc.(which he has done before)
We usually discipline by using time outs or Take things away and have them earn them back by doing good things.

[WorriedMary]

Thank you for your comments. The pranks or jokes are silly, not hurtful.my son laughs and enjoys them, while my step son would cry as if my husband had hurtful intent.of course he does not do that to him any longer. And no unfortunately I haven't sought any professional help yet, my husband  is extremely defensive whenever I bring up the matter.
I truly appreciate all of your advice

[nursegirl6572]

I agree that professional help is necessary, especially because he demonstrates violent tendencies.  I also agree that he's probably scared to death in general and doesn't know how to feel stable and secure.

Best of luck to you all.

[Mmarkey19695]

All these things are completely normal in the realm of what your 6YO witnessed from his parents marriage. He does not need professional help per say but your husband needs to step in and be the main disciplinary. What are his punishments when he behaves this way if I may ask?

[specialmom]

I agree with rockrose, the exact same things stood out to me.  I do think he needs professional help but also to be treated in a way that is empathetic to what he has been through.  This is a boy that could go either way currently.  I'm not as sure about mental health issues other than what is born out of the life he's had thus far.  

Gosh, who scares an anxious child with a pranks and tricks?  Why would your husband keep doing that?  That adds to his feelings that NOWHERE is safe.  This is a child that needs ADDED security and reinforcement that his world is safe.  

So, a counselor is wise but not that he is a BAD kid but rather the needs help with getting over what people in his life have done to him.  Poor guy!

I do hear that you care and want to help and I totally commend you for that!

[Sandman2]

   Its definitely not normal.  Since your husband "refuses to even discuss the possibility of a serious behavioral problem. Refuses to consider therapy."  You might consider using the school system as a way to help the child.  Talk to his teacher or counselor and see what they can do to get some help.
    A lot of his behavior was probably learned as a survival technique from when your husband was over seas.  It will take time to change it.   And its always possible that given the boys mother's habits that he has some learning problems due to her habits while pregnant.  And if  that is so, then he is also having to deal with that which could explain a lot of the lying, anxiety, etc.
   When you say that you have tried everything - that usually is a sign to me from years on this forum that you have done just that.  Unfortunately, what children need to change behavior patterns is consistency in discipline.
   Check my very last post in this link for ways to change his behavior.
              http://www.medhelp.org/posts/ADD---ADHD/adhd-odd/show/2149732#post_10243821
    You might also look into buying "Cool down and work through anger" or "When I feel angry". This is part of a series of books aimed at 4 to 7 year olds and meant to be read to them at night (several times) and then practiced.  Kids do need to be taught how to deal with anger.  You do not try and use these techniques while he is screaming.  But once he stops or later on in the day - you can refer back to them or pull the books back out.
You can find them here -  http://www.amazon.com/Cool-Through-Anger-Learning-Along/dp/1575423464/ref=pd_sim_b_5
    Finally, hopefully, his dad will realize that if these measures don't work - he really does need professional help.  It well may be that he can't control certain things about his behavior (due to a learning disability or something like ADHD).  And if that is true, then things will only get worse for him.
    Hope this helps.

[RockRose]

Why does your husband "like to play jokes and pranks on the children"???

Make him stop that.  

And why in the world would his class all get to eat ice cream in front of him  except him?  

Sounds like this kid - who is already fragile - has had to deal with adults who are taunting him.  

[MarkLakewood3367]

Have you had him evaluated by a mental health professional?  This is definitely where I would start.