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grandson fears

My 3 year old and 20 month old grandsons come to visit overnight a couple of times a month, and we enjoy our visits alot, but the 3 year old has been acting unusual. He is very loving and overly protective of the 20 month old, when the baby takes a toy that hes playing with, he gives it up with no complaints, but always looks crushed and helpless. As a consiquence the younger one always wants what his brother has and throws a violent tantrum if taken from him. Additionally the 3 year old will not talk to his mother on the phone while he is here, he will talk to anyone else, including strangers, but not her. The baby always talks to her. If I mention home or Mommy during our visits the 3 year old goes into a panic, starts crying and says he wants to stay here and wants Mommy to go away. Taking them home is always a heartbreaking experience, as soon as he sees his neighborhood, the 3 year old starts crying and begging me not to take him to Mommy, he then sobs uncontrolablly and is always crying when I leave. I have searched for bruises and or marks or signs of abuse, but never see anything. Around me his mother behaves like a sweet loving mother, but I have a terrible feeling something is terribly wrong. Please let me know if this is normal or should I be taking this in another direction, Thanks Grammabamma
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Avatar universal
I have considered that, but the intensity of his panic scares me (and 3 other people that have witnessed this) additionally, if his Dad is home he calms down immediatly when he sees him. My daughter in law does not like me and has done some pretty terrible things to me on a personal level, although I would Never ever say or do anything around the kids, her relationship with me needs to remain between us. I am however a little afraid that she does not feel the same way and the bestway to get to me is through my 3 year old grandson.
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592969 tn?1248325405
Mom may be giving the younger child more attention and the 3 year old is feeling left out.  Grandma's usually give lots of special attention and therefore grandparents are a favorite among children.  Children love to go to grandparents house and like to stay a long time usually longer than the grandparents desire.  You may want to ask Mom if she is giving him enough attention.  She may not even realize it because she is so busy taking care of the 20 months old.  It is tough being the oldest.  
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