help for my brother

[zozo5a]

I really need someone who is experienced with dealing with children mental problem!
my brother has a problem. He is a boy of 11 y.o who is living in his own world, world made of cartoons and games and he has been bullied about it for few years now. he tries to make some friends but he can't because he isn't "like them".
I feel bad when I see him being disappointed at people and being laughed at by the kids in his class.
I really want to professional answer to how can I help him? all my family are trying to help him make friends but he can't!
please someone help me

[zozo5a]

I know that but sometimes when I talk to him, he is more of a 5 year old than a 11 going on 12 y.o
I wish he would start opening his eyes to the real world than keep himself in his own

[zozo5a]

my brother is quite talented and have a great imagination that is way beyond ours. I and my sisters admire his drawings and we encourage him to continue and advise him a lot as he is a big BD fan and we are Manga fans.
The thing is that next year he is going to be in middle school and we are scared of bulling. He was bullied in primary school for his inability of talking properly and he still got that problem. We try to help him talk better and make friends for his own protection but kids in his age see him more as a "retarded" as for a boy just like them.
He also is very affected by the bulling and going to school everyday is like going to hell for him and that only made him more of a loner.
I really wish he would just try to make friends for his own protection but he doesn't seem to do well

[Gryff99]

Look, stop being judgmental. He likes games, let him like games, he likes cartoons, let him like cartoons. When I was his age I was the same way, I didn't have many friends, got bullied constantly, so I retreated to the internet, I met a lot of friends that way. Just because he likes playing games doesn't mean he has some kind of mental illness

[specialmom]

What about asking him interested questions in his drawings or stories.  Not in a judgmental way but in a 'you're so creative, I would love to know more about it' kind of way?  Admire him as he is and he'll notice this rather than everyone trying to 'help' him be different.  There is an author that I love named 'Brene Brown' who is a social worker and researcher. She talks about 'fitting in' verses belonging.  Fitting in never makes us happy because it is a process of denying who we are to be part of a group (or in this case, family) and belonging is where we are our authentic selves, accepted for it and it is where we find true happiness.  Your brother needs to feel like he belongs somewhere rather than dealing with people who always want him to fit in.  He can maybe get a sense of that from you.  ??  

[zozo5a]

I wish my parents were like you, really! I know that my brother sees the world in colors and pictures more than he sees it in words. Since kid, he used to make paper  figurines and to draw his own comics and he is very good at it.
In my country, sadly for us, we do not appreciate talent; only sports count in here.
My parents want him to make friends and what I know they are doing wrong is that they make him feel that he 'got to stop being a baby and grow up'.
My brother came to the state where he doesn't want to share his thoughts with us anymore and these days I try talking to him but he just shuts me by saying that he doesn't want to talk about his own world.
Can you advise me at how can I make him talk to me again?

[zozo5a]

I wish they could understand. I've talking to my mother about getting him to see a doctor but she doesn't listen because to her I'm "inexperienced" with children. Do you have any idea about how I should convince them? because talking didn't do anything

[specialmom]

The truth is, everyone is wired differently.  Is he really unhappy as he is?  If he is content (even with bad days here and there) -----  then leave it be.  

My own son is very much into super heroes.  His friends aren't as much as he is.  He's 10 and really passionate about it.  he will play pretend and become a super hero.  He doesn't really have friends who will do this with him as they've outgrown it for the most part.  BUT . . .   he's interested in movies and film and is actually making his own little movies that kids in our neighborhood now WANT to be a part of.  He's also created his own super hero.  And guess what?  He's a lucky boy because his dad (my husband) is in shipping and has interesting customers like DC Comics.  We were just in New York City and visited their headquarters.  Guess what?  All of a sudden, it's pretty cool to be into cartoons and comic books and super heroes.  A very interesting crowd that works in that industry.  Your brother would probably fit right in.

Being different isn't mental illness.  Being introverted isn't mental illness.  

I certainly understand that you want to help.  I have people talk to me about being unhappy and 'what could they do".  But the thing is, there is a huge population of people that are unique, eccentric and unlike others that are really pretty happy people.  

What won't help your brother is to make him feel like something is wrong with him for pursuing what he enjoys and is passionate about.  So, I'm not sure what you mean by 'helping' him.  I'm also not sure what country you speak of because the foreign market for comic books is huge.  Same with cartoons.  I'm certain that he could find classes in this area depending on where you are living.  We need to build people/kids up to be who they are . . .  not make it our mission to change them.

Mental illness has a very distinct criteria as does things like autism.  Only a doctor can diagnose something like this and I would imagine if your parents or the school were concerned 'for real', they'd have had him evaluated by now.

So, my advice is to be a good sister and help your brother be who he is while feeling safe doing that.  That he is 'okay' being different.  Help him find others that are more open to what he is into.  My son has found ways to enjoy super heroes with his peers.  

good luck  

[AnnieBrooke]

It doesn't sound like what they have been trying by themselves has been very effective.  They should get him to the doctor no matter whether the doctor chides them for letting him grow up in front of the TV or not.  It's about the child, not about them.

[zozo5a]

we first thought it was autism but he is responding and shuts himself when he is watching some cartoon of his.
If you know what kind of problem he got or know any site that can help, please link it to me. I'd be really thankful

[zozo5a]

They are trying to get him to get out of the world buy themselves because sometimes he responds and talk with us and stuff but other times he just wants to be buy himself. I think they are scared that the doctor will tell them that it is their fault for letting him grow up in front of the TV

[Sandman2]

    He does show signs of autism.  If true the sooner he gets help, the better his chances for a normal life.
   Check out this site for information.  If it seems possible, then show it to your parents.    http://autism.about.com/od/whatisautism/a/symptoms.htm

[AnnieBrooke]

She should talk to his pediatrician, and see if the pediatrician can recommend a professional to do an assessment of your brother.

[zozo5a]

my parents know that there is problem but they don't know how to deal with it. my mum is always trying to get him friends and all, but they only make fun of him while my dad is totally absent

[AnnieBrooke]

What do your parents think about the way he is?

[zozo5a]

we don't have cartoon clubs in our country. I think mental problem is a big word but I guessed so because he's been living in his own world since he was 3 year old! I don't know what I should do as his sister to help him

[AnnieBrooke]

I'd try to get him into a cartooning class or a games club.  Do you have access to things like that where you are?  How do you know he has a mental problem?