Many different circumstances may contribute to the situation so I am going to summarize as best I can. 3 children, 8 yr old daughter, 9 yr old daughter, 12 yr old son. Father and I have been separated for 7 years. My ex and I do not get along but we are civil in front of the kids. He refuses to abide by my rules and disciplinary actions and makes up his own when the kids are with him. We are also in counseling, trying to resolve this but I feel it will never be resolved. He will never change! He is the type that "buys their love" if you know what I mean. I understand this is a huge factor. Parents must work together to help our children but how can I possibly do this if my ex is uncooperative?! So, my 9 yr old has the "I dont care" attitude. I have read many posts and most of the advice has not worked. I do not expect a quick fix, this has gone on for years. My child is in therapy and I feel it has only made the situation worse. First the therapist said to ignore it, then try the reward/consequence. Neither worked. What am I paying the therapist for if he is not helping? I am also in no position to buy my children things every time they should be rewarded. I am not rich! Watching t.v. and playing video games is not a reward to my daughter. I praise my 9 yr old when she has done good or tried really hard to do good. This does not change the fact that she is failing in school, fighting with her siblings and myself and just this year began telling lie's. She has even "cut" CCD (catholic education) several times. I understand every child has their own personality and should be treated accordingly but I try to raise them the same as far as the basics go. They all get the same punishment if they don't do homework etc. For lunch they all get the same thing, I can not spoil one child and not the others. What I have is what they eat, but my 9 yr old doesn't care, she has to have it her way. If she doesn't like the lunch, she throws it out and tells the school I didn't give her one. The consequence is I do not give her another lunch but then the school provides lunch for her and she gets her way. advice?