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my 5 year old school anxity

I feel like that's my daughter!!! she is so attached to me, cry's a lot obsess with clean hands...I cant take it any more.. spoke wit a family doctor, he suggested psychology doc. I start panicking.. any advise?  


This discussion is related to 5 year old with fear of going to school.
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Avatar universal
I am not surprised she is panicking if your alarmist "i'm having a panic attack" description of events is an indication of your own personal anxiety. If so, I would suggest she gets her anxiety from you!

A lot of children have anxiety about going to school.

On my first day of school I had such a fit that they had to call my parents to take me home.

On my second day I had another fit, and threw a chair at the school principle

On my third day (this is true) I had a tantrum and snapped my expensive glasses in half and general resistant / aggressive behavior and crying.

For the first few months there was serious problems settling me in. I don't remember my parents claiming "they couldn't take it anymore".

Parenthood is full of challenges if you are anxious and having trouble coping, you should seek professional help.
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973741 tn?1342342773
Now that you posted your other post on clothing sensitivities, has your daughter ever been evaluated for sensory integration disorder?  My own son has this and there is much they can do to make it a lot better.  School is very rough for these kids because it is 'out of their control'.  She could be trying to regulate with the water on her hands if she has some tactile issues or yes, she could be coping with her anxiety by the compulsive washing.  My own son does have anxiety that is tied to his sensory issues.  

As the problem seems to be growing, I guess it is time to act on it.  I'd consider an occupational therapist or as you discussed initially a psychologist.  I think of sensory because of your description in another thread regarding clothes.  For a sensory kid, it isn't how things look but how they feel and they can be very firm seeking some things and absolutely will not wear others. my son would not wear socks in the house (we live in a cold climate) for many years.  We had a deal he had to wear them when we left the house and he would but the second he got home, off they came.  Not in a way "yeah I'm home . . . in a 'get these things off of me way".  He still doesn't wear socks at home and we have to find just the right ones so he doesn't feel the seams, etc.  Anyway, he will not wear jeans, turtle necks, really anything that has harder fabric, sleeves have to hit at just the right place, etc.

anyway, good luck.  If you can get to ANY expert at this point just to work through if something is going on or this is just her natural quirks and she'll grow out of them or adapt ---  it would be very helpful.  peace
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Avatar universal
..thank u for quick response...Im a working mom of two girls. older one (the one that cry a lot) she's almost 6 two years in preschool now in kindergarten.. first year of preschool she cried every single time before school next year of preschool was fine she was pretty happy, but this year is like a horror. first month wasn't bad but now its every single morning...I cant calm her down try almost everything. But by the time shes in a school bus shes fine. spoke with teacher and there is no problem at school excellent student. after school shes ok. plus we have a problem with clothing it has to by something she likes hair must be exactly she likes it. so shay with friends obsessive with loud sobbing.she like to wash her hands but its no more than maybe 10 time a day. (sometimes shees like mom I wash my hands two times and they still feel sticky) i was wonder if ocd or anxiety is dangerous..  I so thank full for you're advises  
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973741 tn?1342342773
Oh, and I didn't mean to sound like I was correcting you either.  All advice is worthy.  I've just been in the position of debating about a psychologist with my son and our school counselor gave me the advice that I gave about carefully timing it.  The psychologist that I'll take my son to is someone I know and their approach is not to FIND things to treat and call a disorder but to just 'work on' the areas that a child has a hard time coping with.  Many psychologists, and I say this with love and great familiarity, put kids into categories (and people in general) and lump them together.  Does that make sense?

Overall, when a child needs help, they need help and I do recommend giving it to them.  I just know that anxiety when school starts is pretty normal.  The hand washing might be an outpouring of normal anxiety.  believe it or not, most people have things they do to relieve their emotional distress but it is when it starts to interfere with general life (as in, she has to wash like every 5 minutes when at school and can't sit in her classroom because of it) that it becomes concerning (or more so) to me.  

Anyway, rambling away here.  good luck to the poster.  
Helpful - 0
134578 tn?1693250592
I meant, mommy go see the psychologist to discuss the situation, then bring the child if it merits.  I was not reacting to the crying but to the obsessive hand-washing.
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973741 tn?1342342773
Well, I was going to say that I'd give it a bit more time.  There are different theories about when to see a psychologist with kids.  I personally wait a bit before introducing that because vulnerable school age kids can sometimes see it as 'something is wrong with me" when they'll outgrow something on their own.

Many kids starting kindergarten have brief anxiety.  Parents job is to stay super positive always looking on the bright side.  If she likes to color, talk about the coloring they get to do at school.  Talk to the teacher and find out a good person to start pairing your daughter up with.  Invite this child over to your house for a play date and make it fun.  Have a great snack, get out some fun things for them to do and supervise, etc.  And keep it fairly short, like 2 hours max.  This will help her comfort level at school.  Talk to your school counselor too as they are great at offering resources to help kids having trouble adjusting.

Make the drop off super fast.  Go, say bye, and hustle the heck out of there.  Make that what you do at all moments of separation.  Parent drop off is the best for this rather than walking to a school door.  Our preschool had parent drop off in which parents didn't get out of the car, teachers met the car, unloaded kids and parents took off.  They found that kids that had separation issues did best with that type of drop off.  Our elementary school has a parent drop off point too.  Don't park and walk her in if you can help it.  

By the way, how long is this anxiety been going on?  You call it initially school anxiety so I'm assuming it is semi new and exacerbated right now.  

You do mention obsession with hand washing/clean hands and indeed OCD obsessions are an outpouring of anxiety.  That is something to keep your eye on and if it continues, I would then consider the psychologist.  

I think psychologists can be very helpful but when to introduce them is important with kids.  I speak from experience with a son that has anxiety and also will occasionally do some counting and things to relieve it.  It's infrequent and I'm fortunate in that I can give him some tools myself to help.  If it worsens, we'll see a psychologist.  

I also think going with your gut is essential.  If you have a deep down worry about her anxiety, a psychologist will give you peace of mind that you are doing what is necessary to help her overcome it.  

You can read up on childhood anxiety and in fact, there are many books now published on the subject that will help you get a clear understanding of it.  I recommend learning all you can and be on the look out if it is the right time for a psychologist or not. good luck
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134578 tn?1693250592
Stop panicking and go see the children's psychologist.  
Helpful - 0
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