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out of control child
Hi, I am having a very difficult time managing my 3.8 yrs old boy. He is a sensitive, shy and highly demanding child. I am having a super difficult time with him, he´s got terrible tantrums, wants to have everything his way, is rude with peers and parents alike. Tantrums include hitting his parents and calling us stupid. He´s always been shy, since he´s little and had a very difficult time adapting to school. Up to this day we´re dealing with separation anxiety issues. At home he doesn´t stay still, he runs around the house and enjoys playing with things like hoses and fountain-like objects. He´s got me completely exhausted (cause he´s having trouble sleeping also) and his anxety and defiance are ruling our day to day lives. What hurts me the most is his inadaptability in new environments and situations.
He had a new baby sister 4 months ago and tries to hurt her physically every time he´s around her. Troubles include refusing food too. A voice inside of me is crying in anguish desperately seeking for help. What can I do? How should I manage? What should my responses be to all of his tantrums, his hitting, his anxiety and rudeness?
He had a new baby sister 4 months ago and tries to hurt her physically every time he´s around her. Troubles include refusing food too. A voice inside of me is crying in anguish desperately seeking for help. What can I do? How should I manage? What should my responses be to all of his tantrums, his hitting, his anxiety and rudeness?
Yes, I agree w/specialmom about the discipline, do be consistent, but sometimes it's not so easy as spanking a child on the bottom as people who have typical children believe or people who don't have kids believe. I know also with two it's more you have to spready yourself around. I think more physical exercise would be good. Enjoy the spring weather.
Hi. Mom of a boy like yours here. I wanted to say that he sounds like he has a hard time for dealing with his enviroment. One thing that I think would be of great benefit is to increase the amount of physical activity. I'd get him to a park every day to run, climb, jump, swing, roll, and play. He will have the opportunity to have peer social interaction there under your supervision so you can help guide him with some of his social skills issues.
We parents tend to blaim ourselves for our kids actions and sometimes it is just the temperment of the child. And this is okay. We need to help them deal with who they are better. High strung, super energetic sensitive children do exist and you really can't discipline it out of them.
Instead, be a team with him and get him to be your helper. Praise him like crazy whenever he does what you'd like. Give him a coin to put in his piggy bank for good deeds and when the bank is full------ as a family count the money and he gets to save half and spend half on a toy he picks out. At 3, my kids were motivated by this (still are a 5 and 6).
My son has something called sensory integration disorder which affects the nervous system and how he processes things. He was diagnosed at 4 after preschool issues escalated. We've been doing occupational therapy ever since with great success. Google sensory integration disorder and if there are any similarities I can offer you many suggestion that might help.
My son doesn't like to sit at the dinner table. We have an inflatable pad on his seat so that he can wiggle and stay seated. We also have a rubber band around the bottom of it that he can push against with his feet. Keeps him in his seat. What you have to remember-------- you see him now at the dinner table . . . in 3 years that will be him at a desk in school. I'm not trying to worry you but seeing why a child is doing what they are doing is important. So, I'd try to reward for the desired behavior you'd like and if that doesn't work, I'd look for why and try to solve it from there. Discipline is important but it is to teach. And if a child such as mine that can't sit still is just disciplined for it vs. addressing it, nothing will ever be solved and he would be a kid who felt like he could never please me. Food for thought. good luck (and happy mother's day)
We parents tend to blaim ourselves for our kids actions and sometimes it is just the temperment of the child. And this is okay. We need to help them deal with who they are better. High strung, super energetic sensitive children do exist and you really can't discipline it out of them.
Instead, be a team with him and get him to be your helper. Praise him like crazy whenever he does what you'd like. Give him a coin to put in his piggy bank for good deeds and when the bank is full------ as a family count the money and he gets to save half and spend half on a toy he picks out. At 3, my kids were motivated by this (still are a 5 and 6).
My son has something called sensory integration disorder which affects the nervous system and how he processes things. He was diagnosed at 4 after preschool issues escalated. We've been doing occupational therapy ever since with great success. Google sensory integration disorder and if there are any similarities I can offer you many suggestion that might help.
My son doesn't like to sit at the dinner table. We have an inflatable pad on his seat so that he can wiggle and stay seated. We also have a rubber band around the bottom of it that he can push against with his feet. Keeps him in his seat. What you have to remember-------- you see him now at the dinner table . . . in 3 years that will be him at a desk in school. I'm not trying to worry you but seeing why a child is doing what they are doing is important. So, I'd try to reward for the desired behavior you'd like and if that doesn't work, I'd look for why and try to solve it from there. Discipline is important but it is to teach. And if a child such as mine that can't sit still is just disciplined for it vs. addressing it, nothing will ever be solved and he would be a kid who felt like he could never please me. Food for thought. good luck (and happy mother's day)
Having a little friend from school come home for play time has been really positive. He showed me how a little kid is able to obey, to eat at the table by himself andf to really be a happy kid. I hope he is an example for my son. His visit really taught me that my son is lacking structure and discipline.
Thank you all for your advice, it is really nice to hear your perspective on what´s been going on.To those of you who asked, yes things have gotten worse since his sister arrived. I know that I have to be consistent with discipline and I´m putting my whole heart into making the most out of my child. I will start making a chart with rules and hanging it in his room. Progress has to be made little by little. Today after three days of insisting he has his meals at the table, he finally settled down for at least 5 min.
He is having a lot of stress going on. Have you talked to your pediatrician? Has he always been finicky about food? Sounds like he has difficulty regulating his body.
do not spank him, he already has aggression issues, it will make it worse.
Really shower him with love and praise him when he does well. Try to make time to get him outdoors and get good exercise. Give him things to build and work on at home, maybe like megablocks, etc. Try to give him some 1:1 attention.
have things been worse since his sister came along??? I wonder if that is causing him to act out.
He sounds like what you call a spirited child. There are books on spirited children out there that might help you understand you are NOT alone, they are more sensitive and things tend to set them off that would not bother other kids. My son is very sensitive and if he doesn't trust someone, he will not listen to authority, It's tough. But if he likes someone and respects, he will do what they ask. It's really tough. My son too tends to lose his temper too, he's working on the hitting nad we are finally getting through to him it's not the way to deal with anger. Walk away, but I think sometimes his body loses control.
do not spank him, he already has aggression issues, it will make it worse.
Really shower him with love and praise him when he does well. Try to make time to get him outdoors and get good exercise. Give him things to build and work on at home, maybe like megablocks, etc. Try to give him some 1:1 attention.
have things been worse since his sister came along??? I wonder if that is causing him to act out.
He sounds like what you call a spirited child. There are books on spirited children out there that might help you understand you are NOT alone, they are more sensitive and things tend to set them off that would not bother other kids. My son is very sensitive and if he doesn't trust someone, he will not listen to authority, It's tough. But if he likes someone and respects, he will do what they ask. It's really tough. My son too tends to lose his temper too, he's working on the hitting nad we are finally getting through to him it's not the way to deal with anger. Walk away, but I think sometimes his body loses control.
He sounds like a smart boy, so you need to step up and start disciplining this little boy before he gets any older. So when he is crying or whining, or just plain old having a tantrum tell him it's OKAY to have feelings, to feel angry or mad or whatever, and that he can cry or whatever all he wants in his room, ( or another room away from you guys ) and that he can come out when he is done with his tantrum. Praise him LOTS ANYTIME you catch him doing something good, like being nice to his little sister, or cleaning up etc. and have him help you , ask him to help with dinner, or something so that he feels like he has an important role. when he hits, automatic time out in his room, and let him know that if he hits he has to go into his room becuase it is NOT OKAY to ever hit. let him know the rules, and the consequences. so every time he does something you have told him not to, then you need to step up and either give him a consequence or a choice. i use love and logic. so if he plays with something he is not supposed to and you catch him and he knows he's not supposed to, ask him, would you like to quit playing with that or would you like a time out? give him choices, instead of direct time out's. commands cause kids to refuse, and choices cause them to think. so try to give choices. would you like to pick up what you just threw, or would you like me to pick it up and put it away where you cant play with it anymore? things like that. and if he doesnt answer tell him you will make the choice for him. it may get harder at first but it will pay off if you stay consistent. good luck
It sounds like a high level of stress has been getting to him. Tantrums, defiance and and name calling such as that are typical of a child who simply cannot handle the amount of stress he has. During these difficult times it is important to show that you love him as a way of reassurance. Not just by saying that you love him, but also regularly hugging him. That act can help relieve symptoms of anxiety.
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