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sexual exploration in a 6 year old

I found out yesterday that my son, 6 years old and another neighbor friend, 7 year old boy have been playing a "game" in which has been named "sex".  My son was seen coming out a room pulling his shirt down which begged the question, "what are you doing". He said his friend was "sucking his tummy" and I asked did he mean sucking it in and he said, no with his mouth.  I asked what else did the friend put his mouth on and he answered his breast area.  I instructed that play time is over and that his friend had to leave.  My husband and I proceeded to ask more direct and specific questions in regards to this "game".  I asked him had the friend ever put his mouth on anything else and he answered his thing thing (which is his penis).  I asked if he had ever done the same thing to his friend and his answer was yes.  We explained to him that we have spoken about other people touching our bodies or showing or being asked to show your body in a way that was inappropriate and his question was then why do we show or touch each other.  I explained to him that mommy and daddy are married and can kiss each other and that even mommy and daddy are not allowed to touch him inappropriately, that we touch him when giving him a bath, bandages a boo boo or changing his clothes.  I have asked him who started this game and he says it was his friend.  Initially he told me it was bad so I asked him, if you knew it was bad, why did you do it and he said that it was "fun".  After asking more questions we have determined this is not the first time.  This is a regular "game" being played among these two friends just like a game of basketball or guitar hero.  It has just become something else that they play together,  We explained to him that it could not happen again and told him why.  My husband and I contacted our neighbors immediately and they in turn spoke to their son, which notified them of all the same information and account of events as our son did, with the exception of whose idea it was to play such a game.  They are both stating the other in this case.  This is my first and only child and I haven't been exposed to this.  I didn't think I would be for quite some time.  I am having a hard time dealing with this. I just found out less than 12 hours ago and can't shake this feeling of hurt.  I feel that I should have known and I feel like I was violated because I feel he was.  I'm not sure if this is terrible, but the touching I think I may have been able to deal with differently.  I think it's when I found out there was oral sex that had transpired between them both.  He says he understands it can't happen again and doesn't seem to be bothered with me asking questions about it.  He has been willing to talk openly about it and his story doesn't change no matter how I word the questions.  My biggest concern is getting to the bottom of how it started.  He isnt exposed to any thing like this in his environment.  He just finished kindergarten in a catholic school, and is only allowed to watch disney channel and sometimes nick depending on what's on.  he isn't allowed in the room during adult times, which are typically held after he goes to bed, such as watching regular tv, adult conversations among my husband and I or other friends,etc.  I dont know how or where other than this friend that he could have learned the word sex much less the acts that were being played out during their game.  After speaking to the other child's parents they have decided to ground him stating that they feel he did something he knew was wrong.  They did not state how long this would be for and just said "a while" before they would be able to play.  I have been conflicted as to whether to discipline further and haven't done so at this point.  These boys are not allowed to play together for some time now, which is a good thing probably and it is my son's only friend and he is going to miss him especially now that we are in summer vacation.  I feel he has been punished by this alone as well as feeling ashamed when made to speak of it.  We encouraged him no matter how bad he feels something is that he has done or said, that mommy and daddy always need to know and to come to us no matter what even if you fear punishment.  My questions are several, I don't know if we handled this correctly, I don't know if this is "normal" behavior in a 6 year old, with the exception of no unsupervised play to allow this from happening again, are there other things I need to be on the look out for to determine unhealthy behavior in the future, should these boys be allowed to play together again especially if we feel that our child has been exposed to this via the influence of this other child?
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189897 tn?1441126518
COMMUNITY LEADER
    Dang, I just saw the date on this.  I can't believe nobody responded!  I am leaving my post as it might help rosiegal
I can see from the length of your post how much this has bothered you.  And I can see why.  It differs from most because apparently the two guys had "fun" doing this.  This changes from a lot of the "just say no" lessons you give to your child.  
  I do think that you have acted correctly, and I share your concern about how this came to happen.  This is not a normal behavior in the sense that (I think) oral sex is not a part of normal sexual experimentation for this age.  And if I were the parents of the other child,  I would really be concerned about where/how he came up with these games.  It is not something that a 6 year old just comes up with.
  The difficult question is should the boys be allowed to play together again?  Obviously, they will do so at school.  Second, kids make mistakes, and I would hate to punish your child and in a way the other child for something that he might not have known was wrong or for something that was outside of his ability to know was wrong?   So, wow, this is tough.   I really believe that you learn from your mistakes.   I would do a time out of not playing with the other child, perhaps a month.  Letting your son know that it this happens again, it will be much, much longer.  I would let them play under only highly supervised situations for at least this summer.  And I would let the other parents know that this is what you are doing.  
  and it doesn't hurt to do a little educating on the subject.   Check out, "I Said No! A Kid-to-kid Guide to Keeping Private Parts Private." found here - https://www.amazon.com/Said-Guide-Keeping-Private-Parts/dp/1878076493/ref=pd_sim_14_1?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1878076493&pd_rd_r=JC844643PMKM55VAT7CX&pd_rd_w=4P7tE&pd_rd_wg=IK7Mp&psc=1&refRID=JC844643PMKM55VAT7CX
      And you will find other relevant books on the same link.
And, I would try and find activities this summer where he might meet and develop other friends.   Sports, arts, music, etc.   Oh, and perhaps see if you can get ahold of the school principal and request that they not be in the same class next year.
  
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Avatar universal
Hi I've just experienced a very similar thing with my 4 almost 5 year old son and was wondering how you dealt with this situation afterwards
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I can't believe it was similar situation.  4 year olds don't do oral sex (as far as I know).  I did post a long answer to the above poster, then realized it was from 10 years ago!  But, some of it may help you.   But, to really help.  we would need more information.  There is a huge difference between discovering your body parts and what went on in the original post.
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