The combination of his preferred behavior and his sense of being different do indicate that you should seek an evaluation of your son. While his behavior is not particularly worrisome in a younger child (i.e., pre-school age), it is of some concern for a child his age. Your note indicates that he may display Gender Identity Disorder, and the possibility of this should be explored through an evaluation by a child psychologist or child psychiatrist. As children grow older and display such gender identity issues, they often experience shunning by their same-gender peers and are not readily accepted by children of the opposite gender to the extent they might have been at a younger age. It goes without saying that this can lead to loneliness and isolation among peers at a time in life when peer group interaction is increasingly important.
I wonder if he might enjoy participating in a children's theater group or taking ballet lessons? That could give him opportunities to dress up and experiment with feminine parts of his personality, while meeting other children who might be more accepting of him. Just a thought.
Gently ask yourself,"Do the more masculine boys have a disorder?" "Are they uncomfortable with who they are?" "Does my more feminine son have a disorder?" "Is he uncomforatble with who he is?". Try not to create a problem if one doesn't exist. Being a feminine son doesn't mean he is uncomfortable nor does it indicate a diagnosis of Gender Identity Disorder. That would require the evidence of problems with how he views himself.
Such as: D. The disturbance causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. I would suspect that an 8 year old feeling 'clinical distress' needs more support for being who he is. If he had a lisp would you let kids tease him? Or would you explain that he was just made that way, it's not his choice and he shouldn't be punished for it. Ask him how he feels about it. See what he'll do for a compromise. It would be a good time to learn about negotiations and new ways to have fun. He might have some ideas he needs assistance with since he is reluctant to join the other boys on his own. That and there's always the local chapter of PFLAG. They are listed in the front of any phone book. They can be very helpful. I worked with teen groups for kids that don't fit in. Some were gay, some not but didn't want to hang out with homophobes. MY biggest concern is when the parents HATE even the thought that their child is gay. It's a subject worth exploring before you blow up at a teenager that needs your support more than anything. If this could be a problem for you, start dealing with it now. Not later. And for the record, masculine boys can be gay, not just the feminine ones. Educate yourself. There's more to this than 'Gender Identity Disorder'. Carolyn25
thank you ! shaunie will turn 9 next month. he did just tell me he does want to be a boy and a girl .i think thats to make dad feel better.shaunie and i have been talking abaut him starting dance or singing,he is good ,his 14 year old sister even wants him to .it's getting his dad past it.ilove my son what ever gender he feels he is!!! my family and i gained more love for my father when we found out he was gay .he was so much happier!! so ill allways be there for shaunie ,its just hard not knowing forsure. i dont want to push anything on him.