4 year old daughter won't talk to anyone but me

[angelmama82]

A little background - A little over a year ago I left my husband and we got divorced, during our marriage my ex-husband wasn't home much he worked long hours (50 hours plus a week), and when he was home he was verbally abusive towards myself and my daughter.   She had just turned 3 when we left.  She went through a lot of changes at that point, we left our home state and started a new life and were surrounded by a lot of new people.  And then I met someone new, but we have been taking our time with our relationship trying to make it easy on my daughter.  Now she is 4 1/2, the problems she has are - she won't talk to most people, and if asked a direct question, she won't respond at all.  She seems to have more of an issue with this towards men.  She also is very stubborn, she doesn't want to do what anyone tells her to do, and especially towards me she is very defiant.  I have tried time outs and taking toys/play time/tv away.  I have also been told by her teacher that she is 'touchy' with the other kids in her class, she wants to hug them and not let go, and there was one day I was told she had put her hands around another kids neck (this problem is also one towards boys only).  I have been able to help her through some issues, such as she wouldn't eat in front of anyone but me for the longest time, but will now eat in front of some people and at school (but only food I pack for her).  Potty training was a bit of a struggle too, but we got through that.  Though she still won't go to the bathroom unless someone (actually only females here too, rarely males) tells her she can go, she will hold it in all day just waiting for her to come home from work on weekends.

[margypops]

I agree with you I cannot understand why there are these rules about not touching.it sounds as if the daughter was simply being her affectionate self.Maybe Mom could explain not to hang on to their Necks'

[babygirl6152]

this brings up something in the back of my mind- ok today it is in the forefront of my mind...I work with toddlers and I kiss them at least when they leave to go home- but usually any time I have them in my lao for a little snuggle- that is, if they like kisses- sometimes on the cheek - sometimes on top of their head.
I just know some of us have a love language of "touch"- I am sure you know what I mean....one of the ladies I ate lunch with today has a son that was in my class LAST year. and she said he only being 3 was a bit confused at first that he wasn't coming back to my room for class- I am sure he thought school would always be with me LOL- anyways I told her the director sort of started to fuss at the boy when he got out of line to come give me a kiss but she saw what he was doing and thought it was sweet but still  I asked the boy's mother today if she minded and she said NO, she didn't mind if I kissed her son....haven't you taught little ones? Should I feel odd about kissing babies like this?  Do other teachers just try to stick with hugs? I feel like I am their mom for 6 whole hours and I will never stop loving any of them but maybe there is an age i should stop it? Age 3 maybe?

[margypops]

Is it you and your daughter or is the new relationship friend living with you as sometimes children find it hard to adjust to a new step member.it is good you have taken it slowly, some of what you describe I think is normal childhood shyness'especially as she has moved ,is she involved in sports and outside activities, gym, or other classes.If she is touchy in class it is up to her teacher to tell her 'no' which I realise may be neccessary but I think is a shameas it may be simple affection, ,and a lot of young people dont like to eat in front of others. Experts agree that it is always best to focus on a childs positive side and give praise when they do something good .Dont feed into it, lessen any punishment for small stuff ,get her doing outside games and activities., and let her find her own way .

[jdtm]

I am wondering if your child is suffering from Selective Mutism.  Please go to the site "selectivemutism.org" and read through the FAQ's.  If the information sounds similar to your daughter, write back and let us know.  I have had a lot of experience with this issue and can help you - if you think this could be the problem.