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Shadow, 13 years old

I just want to tell everyone here that the folks in this group, and in the forum thread started by aggieone so many years ago, have really helped me through this experience although I didn't know you existed until 5 days ago.
In June 2015, Shadow, my then-12 year old Border Collie/Chow/Something Else (adopted from a rescue org and they weren't sure) was diagnosed with early stage renal failure.  Some history -- back in 2011 he had been diagnosed with Lymphoma and survived after 6 rounds of chemo; he has also had his right hind leg operated on twice.  So when I got this diagnosis, given his age and history I determined that he'd been through enough and we were going to let the disease run its course with no trauma-inducing heroic measures.  (However if I had found this forum back then, I could and would have taken some of the non-heroic measures I see in these posts.)  
Well, about a week ago I noticed him going downhill -- barely eating, some weakness.  Blood work confirmed that he was in stage 4.  This is when I started looking online for information -- what to expect, how to deal with it.
What the experience of people in these groups and forums did was help me determine when I would help Shadow leave this earth.  Your posts about the progression of this disease made me realize that I wanted to do this in time to limit, if not completely avoid, his suffering.  This past weekend, in spite of gobbling down small portions of meat, he declined further.  Within an hour or so after eating he would start yelping every 5 minutes; I figured this was the acid being produced to digest his meat so I gave him TUMS (a hint from this group).  He had the bad toxin breath so many here described and he became weaker.  Although he never threw up, I knew that this was just the beginning and it would only get worse.  I promised him I would end his suffering.
We took Shadow to the vet this morning and had him put to sleep.  He seemed to rally this morning and was able to walk the 2-3 blocks, eating treats all the way.  My son and I were with him, and while it's devastating I know it was the right decision.
Thank you all for your support and caring.

CLM
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Avatar universal
Thanks RynB. Thank you so much for your thoughts and for sharing your experience with your precious Bella.
Even when you know you did the right thing you still can't help questioning.  It's amazing how much grief there is.  I don't remember this from when we had to put my dog to rest when I was younger. I guess the older you get the more they are part of you.
I am trying to keep busy, but I do smile sometimes when I think of something he would be doing as I get dinner or sit at the computer.  I know time will help, and so will good thoughts.
Thank you again.
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Avatar universal
I am so sorry for your loss and wanted to share that I have been through the same experience. We had to put our 16 year old Bella to rest 2 months ago because of kidney failure. Just like your beloved pet she went downhill quickly and we wasted no time in making sure we didn't prolong her suffering. While we know it was the right thing to do it doesn't change the fact that the grief is so huge. I found solace in keeping busy like Tony mentioned and reading as much as I could through some pet grief blogs, poems etc....but it was many weeks of extreme sorrow and then finally smiles started emerging as we shared so many great memories of our girl. It has started to get better but we each travel a different road in healing. You will find yours I am sure. Thinking of you!
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1916673 tn?1420233270
I don't personally believe there is no greater loss than that of either a very close family member - or a companion pet. In my case, with no family members, losing one of my dogs takes me many months and sometimes years to get over. Grief is so hard and so personal, only the person suffering truly understands. The only good news is, each day gets easier, albeit just slightly. I found distraction was good - and I managed to finish all those jobs around the home I had been promising to get finished during my own grieving period. I also have two dogs, so there was always another companion to think about and care for.

I hope you soon start to feel a little brighter. Life goes on and our companions would certainly not want us to feel sad or unhappy and would probably bark in frustration and concern at us, if they could.

Tony
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Avatar universal
Thank you so much Tony.  I spent much of last night trying to deal with the hole that is now in my life.  But I know he was a happy dog with lots of love and that's what counts.
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1916673 tn?1420233270
I am so sorry for your loss. This disease is devastating and sometimes takes a dive downward from which there is no coming back. Shadow has certainly had a rough time of things, first from coming from a rescue centre and then the cancer and then the kidney disease ... but through these later years there was you, offering love, companionship, support, care and attention - and I'm guessing lots of happy adventures along the way. Although this is a very sad time, try to remember what for the most of his life were good days, thanks to you. Run free Shadow.
Tony
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