Aa
Am I right about the father?
I had a threatened miscarriage so I had multiple ultrasounds.
3/4/20: 5w6d (EDD: 10/29)
3/14/20: 7w3d (EDD: 10/28)
4/7/20: 10w3d (EDD: 10/31)
So my conception window is the first week of February. I had one partner during this time.
On 1/21/20 I had sex with a different guy. We used a condom and my Paragard IUD was in place. It was removed on 1/24/20.
Basically I’m driving myself crazy wondering if I should be worried about the potential father. I confirmed the condom did not break. I recently found out that women can get pregnant in the week before Paragard removal.
Ive been crying over this and i cant eat. I’m considering $2000 on a prenatal paternity test but the guy from 1/21/20 is convinced that he didn’t “slip up”. I do believe him but my anxiety is eating at me.
3/4/20: 5w6d (EDD: 10/29)
3/14/20: 7w3d (EDD: 10/28)
4/7/20: 10w3d (EDD: 10/31)
So my conception window is the first week of February. I had one partner during this time.
On 1/21/20 I had sex with a different guy. We used a condom and my Paragard IUD was in place. It was removed on 1/24/20.
Basically I’m driving myself crazy wondering if I should be worried about the potential father. I confirmed the condom did not break. I recently found out that women can get pregnant in the week before Paragard removal.
Ive been crying over this and i cant eat. I’m considering $2000 on a prenatal paternity test but the guy from 1/21/20 is convinced that he didn’t “slip up”. I do believe him but my anxiety is eating at me.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Your early ultrasounds indicate your conception date was either February 6th, 5th or 8th. Even without the condom use, the guy on the 21st of January is not going to be the dad, all his sperm would have been dead (if any had gotten out of the condom) by about the 27th, and your earliest projected ovulation by the three (not just one but three) ultrasounds would be the 5th. And, he wore a condom.
In your shoes, I wouldn't do a prenatal DNA test. The ultrasounds say when you ovulated and his sperm would have to have gotten out of the condom and then lived two weeks or more, and sperm just doesn't live that long.
You apparently misunderstood what you read about removing your IUD to be saying that if you remove your IUD it triggers ovulation. Removing your IUD, does NOT trigger ovulation. What I'm sure was meant by what you read is that if a woman has unprotected sex, and then removes the IUD, and then happens to ovulate when the sperm is still viable (about 4-6 days after the sex), she might get pregnant. But the sex you are worried about was not near when you ovulated (because, remember, your ultrasounds show when you ovulated).
If the event on the 21st is a secret or is making you feel guilty, it's no wonder you're sitting and thinking of worst-case scenarios. But your worst-case scenario is not based on your actual, real medical evidence, more just on your fears.
In your shoes, I wouldn't do a prenatal DNA test. The ultrasounds say when you ovulated and his sperm would have to have gotten out of the condom and then lived two weeks or more, and sperm just doesn't live that long.
You apparently misunderstood what you read about removing your IUD to be saying that if you remove your IUD it triggers ovulation. Removing your IUD, does NOT trigger ovulation. What I'm sure was meant by what you read is that if a woman has unprotected sex, and then removes the IUD, and then happens to ovulate when the sperm is still viable (about 4-6 days after the sex), she might get pregnant. But the sex you are worried about was not near when you ovulated (because, remember, your ultrasounds show when you ovulated).
If the event on the 21st is a secret or is making you feel guilty, it's no wonder you're sitting and thinking of worst-case scenarios. But your worst-case scenario is not based on your actual, real medical evidence, more just on your fears.
6 Comments
You are right, I do carry the burden of guilt. I guess I freaked myself out when I read Ultrasounds can be 7 days off. So when I counted 7 days backward it put me at 1/27/20. So then my mind has been racing, wondering if the sperm lived until then. Perhaps Im punishing myself with guilt. It’s been rough.
I should add I was still with the second partner only through 1/24-1/31 week, as well. And we werent being careful With protection at all. So even in that scenario it points to him as the father. I thank you for reminding that it’s the guilt making me think of these crazy scenarios.
First of all, counting backwards from February 5 doesn't take you to January 27, so don't work yourself up over that. Even more to the point, if you "read ultrasounds can be 7 days off," you must have been paying attention to only part of what it said, or reading someone who wrote a freaked-out post on the Internet who didn't fully know what they were talking about.
The way it works is, a woman produces an egg and the sperm meets it, and it then is an embryo, one cell, on day 1. Then the next day it splits into two cells. That's day 2. The next day, it splits into 4 cells. That's day 3. The next day, 8 cells. That's day 4. This process goes on for a while at a known rate that is constant. Various developmental markers happen along the way that are known to the medical professionals who read ultrasounds. The rate of growth in the first weeks is pretty consistent for all embryos.
After that, some embryos could start to grow a little faster, some grow at the average rate, and some grow a little slower. Because of this, by the 8th week GA, an ultrasound tech measuring the embryo and its developmental markers to see when conception might have been might say there is a margin for error of possibly a day or two. By week 10, the margin for error that a careful tech or doctor would give might be plus or minus 3 or 4 days. By the 12th week, the doctor will say plus or minus 7 days, and by week 40, the margin for error is three weeks. So, sure, somewhere in the timeline, "Ultrasounds can be a week off," but not when you had your ultrasounds.
You had not only had perfectly early ultrasounds, you also had three of them. This is why I could say with confidence that the guy on the 21st is not the dad. So don't let a guilty conscience make you look foolish to the guy from the 21st, or cause you to cry all night over an invented question of paternity. Cry if you must from feeling bad about what you did on the 21st, but it's clear who the dad is. And don't go spending 2 grand of your hard-earned green over this.
Just in case you haven't read this in other posts, we do often hear from women whose medical evidence shows who the dad is, but they are still freaked out anyway. (We hear from plenty of women for whom there is no answer until they do a DNA test, but we hear from a sizeable group who are just like you, distressed over a possibility that isn't justified in the first place.) The reason these women displace their anxiety onto paternity even when the medical evidence is clear, is that the brain doesn't like feeling guilty or ashamed or anxious and being unable to shake that stress. In this kind of distress, the brain will project the anxiety onto an issue that feels more cut and dried, like paternity. Medical evidence about paternity doesn't solve the anxiety, because what's really bothering the woman is harder to deal with.
If you have access to a counselor, it could be helpful at this time to talk with her. Or by yourself, begin to work out why you did what you did and what it means, and what you're worried about for the future. Once you identify your real worries and possibly start to deal with them, you will find that your concerns about paternity will fade away.
The way it works is, a woman produces an egg and the sperm meets it, and it then is an embryo, one cell, on day 1. Then the next day it splits into two cells. That's day 2. The next day, it splits into 4 cells. That's day 3. The next day, 8 cells. That's day 4. This process goes on for a while at a known rate that is constant. Various developmental markers happen along the way that are known to the medical professionals who read ultrasounds. The rate of growth in the first weeks is pretty consistent for all embryos.
After that, some embryos could start to grow a little faster, some grow at the average rate, and some grow a little slower. Because of this, by the 8th week GA, an ultrasound tech measuring the embryo and its developmental markers to see when conception might have been might say there is a margin for error of possibly a day or two. By week 10, the margin for error that a careful tech or doctor would give might be plus or minus 3 or 4 days. By the 12th week, the doctor will say plus or minus 7 days, and by week 40, the margin for error is three weeks. So, sure, somewhere in the timeline, "Ultrasounds can be a week off," but not when you had your ultrasounds.
You had not only had perfectly early ultrasounds, you also had three of them. This is why I could say with confidence that the guy on the 21st is not the dad. So don't let a guilty conscience make you look foolish to the guy from the 21st, or cause you to cry all night over an invented question of paternity. Cry if you must from feeling bad about what you did on the 21st, but it's clear who the dad is. And don't go spending 2 grand of your hard-earned green over this.
Just in case you haven't read this in other posts, we do often hear from women whose medical evidence shows who the dad is, but they are still freaked out anyway. (We hear from plenty of women for whom there is no answer until they do a DNA test, but we hear from a sizeable group who are just like you, distressed over a possibility that isn't justified in the first place.) The reason these women displace their anxiety onto paternity even when the medical evidence is clear, is that the brain doesn't like feeling guilty or ashamed or anxious and being unable to shake that stress. In this kind of distress, the brain will project the anxiety onto an issue that feels more cut and dried, like paternity. Medical evidence about paternity doesn't solve the anxiety, because what's really bothering the woman is harder to deal with.
If you have access to a counselor, it could be helpful at this time to talk with her. Or by yourself, begin to work out why you did what you did and what it means, and what you're worried about for the future. Once you identify your real worries and possibly start to deal with them, you will find that your concerns about paternity will fade away.
And incidentally, congratulations on your upcoming little one. : )
Thank you for the insight. I appreciate it a lot. Youve been so kind. And I was so stressed for no reason.
Glad to be of help. Stay logical. : )
COMMUNITY LEADER
Did you have the IUD removal when you were having your period?
1 Comments
No my period was 1/13/20-1/18/20 but they were so irregular on the paragard. From the first ultrasound theyve disregarded my LMP for the GA.
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