Conception and father

[Ssbb1212]

Unprotected intercourse April 20th-25th (one time, can’t remeber exact date). He did not ejaculate in me. IUD removal April 27th. Started bleeding April 29th-May 1st or 2nd. Fairly light but enough to fill a tampon. Started bleeding again on May 5th-8th, which was heavy for the first two days then by the 8th, very light and gone. I don’t remember my last period from before this bleed. I always had normal cycles while having the IUD which was four years. I’m assuming the second bleed was my period but I don’t necessarily know for sure. I was also having unprotected sex with another man during this time, all through April and May. He did ejacluate in me multiple times throughout both months. I tested for pregnancy all through the month of May, I got a positive test I believe on May 29th. My due date is February 9, 2019. When I use a due date calculator it says possible days of conception is May 19th... which I assume would be the second man. BUT, how common is it to get a positive that soon after conceiving on the 19th... I know you can bleed and still be pregnant, but if it would be the first mans baby, wouldn’t I be much further along? I had an ultrasound on 6/15/18 which the baby measured 5w6d. I had went in a week prior and only a yolk sac could be found at the time. Are ultrasounds full proof that early on figuring out possible conception?

[AnnieBrooke]

As noted above, everything you have gotten from the medical evidence says the baby did not come from the sex in April. Especially, any ultrasound tech or doctor reading the ultrasound would be able to tell the difference between a late fifth-week embryo and what would have to be a seventh or eighth week embryo if you got pregnant from the April guy. It is not like there would be any doubt. If you would like to calm your worries, look up some embryos at 5w6d and some from about three weeks later, and you will see the difference is not subtle.

[AnnieBrooke]

(In short, it doesn't sound like the first guy has any chance.) I hope this is good news and you want the second guy to be the dad. :)

[Ssbb1212]

I was just worried bc I wasn’t sure if my May bleed was my actual period or if it was a bleed caused from IUD removal. I know pre-***, doesn’t necessarily have sperm, but sperm can be present if the male had special time previously close to the encounter... I’m assuming if I conceived in April, I would be much further along, correct? I also took multiple pregnancy tests throughout the Month of May and actually tested the day before I got my positive and had a negative...

[AnnieBrooke]

You had an early ultrasound where they only saw the sac, which would be a 4th-week ultrasound (using a gestational-age count). You had another early ultrasound where they saw the embryo and said 5w6d (again these numbers are GA, which stands for gestational age, and is a count that does not begin at conception but from the first day of your last period or the calculated first day of your last period if your periods are irregular. The calculations are based on the embryo's size, not on when your period actually came).

At that point, whether you had an "actual" period is a moot point, the ultrasound saw and measured the actual embryo.  Whether pre-ejaculate has sperm in it, and how many pregnancy tests you took at home, don't matter (though your home tests do tend to back up the doctors). The ultrasound saw and measured the actual baby, meaning it wouldn't matter if your prior period was in 2001, the ultrasound would still have shown a baby with a GA of 5w6d. The baby was the size it was and that gives the doctor information about when it began.

Is the problem that you don't know how pregnancy is counted in weeks? They look at the embryo via ultrasound (if the woman gets an ultrasound) and the computer is programmed to use the measurements and come up with a presumed conception date from them and then count back two weeks in time from that presumed conception date, and begin the "weeks" count there so the count can calibrate to all other pregnancies. The pregnancy time period has historically been measured from the first day of the woman's last period and it still is today even in the age of ultrasounds.  When a doctor says you are 5 weeks "pregnant," he means 3 weeks since conception.

[Ssbb1212]

Thanks for your reply. I understand what you’re saying. I guess I’m just trying to eliminate April guy in every possible way.

[AnnieBrooke]

If you are still worried about it, you could try speaking to a counselor or therapist. A lot of times women don't let go of the fear a wrong guy is the dad even when the dates make it totally clear he is not. This seems to come from anxiety over some different aspect of being pregnant that is not so readily solved, so it gets transferred by the mind (which hates to be anxious about things that can't be solved) to an easier problem like paternity. Unfortunately, solving the paternity question doesn't ease the anxiety (women have written in to this forum who have done not one, but two pre-natal DNA tests, for example, and they are STILL worried). If this is happening for you, I would suggest that deep in your heart you know that the earlier guy is not the dad, and that you are being run by a different worry or fear. Talk over with a counselor what is really bothering you and your anxiety over paternity will fade.

[Ssbb1212]

Anxiety is definitely causing the issue. I know in my mind that the  dates match up to the man in May. It’s just trying to convince myself that there isn’t much of a possibility of April man at all. Thank you so much for your replies!

[AnnieBrooke]

It's not unusual in this forum for someone with anxiety about something else to be obsessing on paternity.  Here are some kinds of fears that a woman can transfer into worries about paternity. She might instead really be bothered by:  guilt or shame over her behavior, catastrophizing ("if my partner finds out I cheated, it will be the end of the world"),  worry she won't be a good parent, or not wanting to be a parent,  wishing the other guy was the dad and being ashamed of it, dissatisfaction with her partner, annoyance that her boyfriend won't marry her, fear of childbirth,
feeling God will punish her, fear of being a single mother (worry about money, wish for support), or it could be something totally different. These are big, existential worries, and amorphous, not anything that can be answered easily. If you do talk to a counselor, dig around and try to figure out what is making you most anxious about this pregnancy and talk about that. It's the only way to get out of the stress. Trying to "convince yourself that there isn't much possibility of the April man at all" is not solving much, since the stress hasn't gone away even though you know that answer.

[ppowb]

The earlier the ultrasound the more accurate the dating. A positive home test ten days after ovulation is possible - the test manufacturers would like us to believe they can always get an accurate result that early. I don't think your partner in April before the IUD removal can be the father.

[Ssbb1212]

Anyone?