Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

Conception dates

Hi can I just start from the beginning on 23rd October someone did something horrible to me. I dealt with it in my own way I took a test on 30th October and it was negative so I was so relived I just cried sat on the toilet. On the 31st October I met my now partner but didn't sleep together until the 9th November and probaly once a week there after I had a 3day bleed in November and a 3day bleed in November in January I new I was due to have a period and I usually start to get cramping pains a few day before I'm due my period witch I didn't so I took a pregnancy test clear blue didgital and it said pregnant 1-2 weeks it never came into my head about ordinal in October as I had two light periods I rang the doctors and they told me to bring in a wee sample to confirm it as I was busy with work I didn't take one in till 25th January and it came back negative I ask why and she said maybe it was because I was in early stages of pregnancy and not enough hcg but I told her I had taken 3 home test and they all was positive so she booked me a appointment for February to see a midwife she asked me my last period date which was 7th December and used the wheel and gave me a estimated due date of 13th September I told her about October and she assured me there was no possible way it could be from that with my two periods and if it was it would definitely be picked up on ultrasound so again this reassured me 100% she booked my dating scan for 3rd of march they did measurements and my baby was measuring 12 weeks 4 days and they hand me a due date of the 8th September had my 20 week scan in April and nothing was said really just that baby was measuring a bit small so I'd have extra scans so had two more scan and my due date stayed the same. On the 19th of August my daughter was born weighing 5 lb 11 oz she was born a 37 weeks and started to worry what if they and I got it wrong!! I done every possible calculation even with sperm lasting 7 days in october and conceiving on October 30th would still give me a July 22nd due date so how is that possible it would mean that at my 12 week scan I was really 18/19 weeks and when my daughter was born she was born at 44+weeks and even my test at the doctors that came back negative I would of been nearly 3 months ,, I don't know how they could get it so wrong I put my trust in them as I'm not a professional I'm suffering with anxiety I'm struggling to get through the day. I need someone's help.. can you help me please work it out I can't tell my partner he has no idea
9 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
13167 tn?1327194124
Hello TDOO.  I agree with Annie.

I think you can stick with your original due date as being accurate - Sept. 8.  Your baby was born small 3 weeks before that due date,  which is evidence the due date was correct.  

Let me offer this.  There is no amount of confirmation of paternity that would assuage your anxiety about this.  If you had a DNA test come back positive for your partner,   you'd feel an immediate rush of relief,  that would be followed in the next days with gnawing doubt about the science of the DNA test,  and then your anxiety would return full-blown to where it is now within a week.  Because you aren't doubting the paternity,  you're feeling guilt over your choice to get drunk  and being an easy victim and feeling like the universe should punish you for that guilt by not letting you be happy.  

I don't know what your therapy is focusing on,  but IMHO it needs to be focused on forgiving yourself.  That's what's killing you - your part in this situation that happened in October.  

Best wishes.  This is really,  really hard and complicated.  You have so much to be happy about,  and you deserve happiness,  and this awful anxiety is robbing you of your life.




Helpful - 0
1 Comments
Thank you very much. I'm currently getting councilling a funny enough he's said pretty much what you and Ann have said. I'm punishing myself for what that person did and that is to make myself as unhappy as I can which I have been doing latley. I'm very ill off it and a thousand ppl could tell me what I want to here and I'll need reassurance again a few days later. I'll stick with councilling and get better and just be normal and happy like I once was. Thanks again.
134578 tn?1693250592
COMMUNITY LEADER
You are worried about losing "our happy place" but it's not happy for you so it's already lost unless you speak up. The main thing you have to remember to do is divide what is really true (you have PTSD, you were raped) from what is not true (it has given rise to irrational fears on your part). If you drop the whole load on him, not only that you are suffering from PTSD, and that you were raped weeks before you met him, but that you have been afraid (irrationally) that the baby came from the rape, despite having two periods in between and all the rest, he will not be able to understand that the last thing has no basis in fact. He'll probably wonder why you were so worried if it's really a 7-week difference, and begin to get scared himself. So talk to your therapist about how not to make this a total core dump of everything you ever worried about all wound together in a huge tangle. Telling him that you were raped is enough to talk about all by itself.
Helpful - 0
2 Comments
Hi sorry to be a pain. I've been seeing a councillor which has been helping to cope with it all. I've just ordered my medical records but can take up to 40 days. I just looked back at my old scan which they said I was 12 weeks 6 days on 3rd of march  due date 9th September but born August 18, but when I count back that gives the 4th December and my period didn't come till 8/9 of December how can that be I don't understand means I was pregnant before my period x
You are mistaking how pregnancy is counted by doctors. They start the "weeks" count on or near the first day of your last period, not at conception. I am not sure you are willing to think clearly enough to understand the following description, but it is because in the old days before ultrasounds, the doctor would use the first day of the woman's last known period at the start point for the time period of pregnancy. Yes, they knew she was not pregnant yet, she was having a period! But they had nothing else to use as a start date, because a period is an obvious signal and conception is not. The medical profession has maintained using that kind of count even today, when there are ultrasounds and OPKs and everything else. If I were to tell you "I'm in my eleventh week," I would be saying it had been about 9 weeks since conception. Every doctor, nurse, ultrasound, and medical textbook uses this kind of gestational-age count.  They know they are beginning the count a couple of weeks before conception, but they are so used to this kind of calibration that it never seems to occur to them to tell the woman that they are not saying when they think she conceived. It causes all kinds of mischief for couples who have been apart and then back together.

If you had a weeks count that suggested December 4 was when your period might have come and the actual was December 8, that is close enough since it was such a late ultrasound. By the  12th week GA, there is a +/- 7 days margin for error when using an ultrasound to try to determine paternity.

But the main point is, the guy from October is not suggested by December start dates anyway.

I wish you would tell your boyfriend what happened. It would certainly help you think more clearly to get it off your chest.
134578 tn?1693250592
COMMUNITY LEADER
I can see that you don't want to give up control over the news that this crime occurred, even to the person who should be your rock and your foundation since he is the father of your child. And I get it, to some extent, but think you should move on from the illusion of "control" that this gives you. The silence is actually causing you to be without help in your most important personal relationship, and while it's at it, tearing you to pieces and making you irrational about dates that show clearly the rape could not have produced the baby. Keeping it a secret makes you behave exactly as you would if you thought the rape was your own wrongdoing, rather than that you were a victim of a crime. Walling him out removes your boyfriend's chance to show he cares and sympathizes, (which who knows, might be part of the attraction for you -- anger is part of the reaction to rape, and powerlessness, and he is also a guy). But the fact of you having assumed your boyfriend would not support you may tear your relationship to bits once he learns what happened, which is a stupid long-term consequence given the situation. Obviously you know your boyfriend the best -- possibly he is that inhumane and would somehow blame you -- but what kind of man would do that? And are you really in a relationship with someone that cruel? He wouldn't be much to lose if he did. I'd trust that he will be a genuine human being and your biggest support, and would risk telling him.
Helpful - 0
2 Comments
I totally understand what your saying. No I don't think my partner would blame me or turn his back on me but things will change are happy place will be gone. It's not I don't want to tell him I'm scared to tell him you don't know how many times I've lay awake crying wishing I could wake up and be free from the horrible humans grip he has completely wreck me. My sister know and I speak to a councillor but I do think you are right the one person I want to hold me and tell me everything is ok is my partner so maybe that is the way to go forward. & the baby situation is my way or trying to block out the real problem. There's nothing there it was 7 weeks different.
I didn't have a very good childhood but throughout my adulthood I've always tried my best. I only every had a nan as support I have no parents and lost her in 2012. My sister right now is probably my biggest support I'm not sure I would of got through it with out her. The person that did it I knew and trusted I got stupidly drunk and went home to sleep it off and that's when it happened I don't have any memory of it which isn't a bad thing for me. But to him it was taking candy from a baby. That's why In a way I do blame my self for drinking to much or maybe I should of stayed at my friend and it wouldn't of happened. I do thank you for all your replie and totally have respect for people that answer with a truthly answer even if it's not something I'd like to here. Thanks annie
134578 tn?1693250592
COMMUNITY LEADER
No. And I think you should either talk to your boyfriend about the post-traumatic stress disorder or you should get a better therapist.
Helpful - 0
134578 tn?1693250592
COMMUNITY LEADER
You said you "can't tell your boyfriend." If you are saying you can't tell your boyfriend that you are having fearful and obsessive thoughts that the baby might not be his child, I can see why you wouldn't want to go there, because after all, there is no evidence that suggests the boyfriend is not the dad, and why worry him with what you know in your heart are mere irrational thoughts? But if you are saying you can't tell your boyfriend that you are suffering from PTSD from a sexual attack, I would say you should talk to your counselor about this and see if you can bring yourself to discuss it with your boyfriend. It seems like you would both do better if he knew, unless you think he would not be supportive.
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
No I can't tell my boyfriend anything I'm not sure how he'd take it and it happend before we got together. I'm just so scared they got it wrong I think about it every night lay in bed I'm really making my self ill. I spoke to midwifes doctors and they say it's not possible I've even ordered my antenatal records to go over them. The biggest thing is she doesn't look anything like my partner. Do you think it's possible. Rape 23rd of August I know it was late near midnight. I had a period on the 13 October then 10th of November but was very light still red in colour and had a 2/3 day light bleed on December 7th I was due to get my period on the 5th of January and I usually get cramping few days before I never did so took test January 2nd came back 1-2 weeks pregnant. My first scan on march 3rd took measurements said 12 weeks 4 day gave me a due date of 8th September had a private one at 16 weeks she said I was measuring 15+ 5 had one at 20 week nothing said just he was measuring ok. I had a few pain a couple of weeks later and they sent me in did some measurment and said baby was measuring small so they bring me back for few extra scans. Baby was measuring small until I had her 3 week early 19th August nothing was said they said she looked fine and weight was ok 5lb 11 oz. if it was from October 23/24 would I be due July 23rd and of October period July 19th. Do you think they can give me a September date and be a whole 7 week wrong xx
134578 tn?1693250592
COMMUNITY LEADER
For what it is worth, it is common on this site to see people writing in who are obsessing about the paternity of the baby even when the dates are very clear that the baby is not from the wrong person. I think this happens because it is easier for the mind to let anxiety settle on a question like what dates produced a pregnancy than to deal with bigger, more grim, and harder issues (it's cut and dried after all, and can be solved easily enough with a DNA test if the person is really worried, but a lot of time they actually know in their heart that their concerns are in fact silly).  So don't think you are alone to be (self-admittedly irrationally) saying "What if the doctors are --- WRONG?!?!?!?!" -- we hear it all the time here. Not because the doctors *are* wrong, it's just an outlet the mind takes rather than have to struggle with harder, more amorphous issues.
Helpful - 0
134578 tn?1693250592
COMMUNITY LEADER
(typo -- where it says "our" grief and pain, it was supposed to say "Your" grief and pain.) Don't give up your power and your peace of mind to this slimeball. Get help and get back on your feet.
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
Thank you so much for your reply means a lot. Totally know what your saying it's like he's winning because I'm still punishing myself i know I need to move past it as it can destroy you as a person partner and mother I'm taking one step at a time. Yeah I've been speaking to a councillor at the moment hopefully this will help me move on once again thank you x
134578 tn?1693250592
COMMUNITY LEADER
I might add, the person who harmed you did it with cruel intentions for his own twisted reasons.  our grief and pain are part of what he wanted. What happened in October is done, you sure as hell can stop him getting more of what he wanted, that is, you being traumatized throughout the intervening months and now. You will need to see a professional, but that is what they are for. Book an appointment today. If you don't know who to call, ask your doctor for a referral, tell the doc you need to work through sexual trauma and post-traumatic stress.
Helpful - 0
134578 tn?1693250592
COMMUNITY LEADER
You "can't tell your partner" what? That the baby is his?

Of course, you are suffering from anxiety and post-traumatic stress, and that makes people have irrational thoughts. You are correct that did not have a 44+ week baby. Now, go see a therapist or counselor and talk about the unresolved trauma from the painful event in October. That is what is really the trouble. Everything is fine with the baby. Seriously, go now and book an appointment. The only thing you have to lose is your stress.
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the DNA / Paternity Community

Top Pregnancy Answerers
13167 tn?1327194124
Austin, TX
4769306 tn?1568490209
NC
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Get information and tips on how to help you choose the right place to deliver your baby.
Get the facts on how twins and multiples are formed and your chance of carrying more than one baby at a time.
Learn about the risks and benefits of circumcision.
What to expect during the first hours after delivery.
Learn about early screening and test options for your pregnancy.
Learn about testing and treatment for GBS bacterium.