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DDC Prenatal Paternity Test.. emotions
Hi.. I won’t get in to too many details.
I was raped by a drunk co worker at a party. He pulled out but reentered after pulling out. I slightly remember this but after going to the hospital there was traces of the date rape drug in my system. I just remember trying to get him of me and him jacking off over me. This was January 15th.
I never told my boyfriend about this because I was so ashamed and to this day I haven’t told him.. guilt may be a huge factor in my worries. But we had sex January 17th 18th and 19th. All with full ejaculation.
My LMP was January 4th. I had my first ultrasound on March 14th when I was supposed to be 9w 6d I measured 3 days behind. So assuming that is accurate to the day I “conceived” January 21st +/- 3 days for error. It was transvaginal.
Dates were way to close for comfort or to figure much out.. after holding on to this huge secret for 8 months I became so depressed and finally confided in my mother and she has been so supportive. She paid the $1600 for the prenatal paternity test through DDC... I did my research and found it to be reliable and accurate so I went with that one. I did have the co worker fired.. but never pressed charges. He eventually felt bad and apologized but that’s no excuse so I told him the least he could do was the mouth swab.
Chain of custody was performed and results were expedited to me in 3 days excluding him. I was so happy at first because I trusted my results 100% and put this nightmare behind me. My baby even looks like my partners in 3D ultrasound even though that’s not a reliable way to tell.
But of course I had to be nosey and dig through the internet for people claiming their results were wrong. But a lot of the post seem like trolls.. or even woman who weren’t happy with the results so bashed the company for their own mistake... also woman who swore they have only been with one man their whole life but somehow ended up paying $2000 for a prenatal test.. seems strange to me. Just looking for some insight or a way to calm my nerves.
Thanks to anyone who read this.
I was raped by a drunk co worker at a party. He pulled out but reentered after pulling out. I slightly remember this but after going to the hospital there was traces of the date rape drug in my system. I just remember trying to get him of me and him jacking off over me. This was January 15th.
I never told my boyfriend about this because I was so ashamed and to this day I haven’t told him.. guilt may be a huge factor in my worries. But we had sex January 17th 18th and 19th. All with full ejaculation.
My LMP was January 4th. I had my first ultrasound on March 14th when I was supposed to be 9w 6d I measured 3 days behind. So assuming that is accurate to the day I “conceived” January 21st +/- 3 days for error. It was transvaginal.
Dates were way to close for comfort or to figure much out.. after holding on to this huge secret for 8 months I became so depressed and finally confided in my mother and she has been so supportive. She paid the $1600 for the prenatal paternity test through DDC... I did my research and found it to be reliable and accurate so I went with that one. I did have the co worker fired.. but never pressed charges. He eventually felt bad and apologized but that’s no excuse so I told him the least he could do was the mouth swab.
Chain of custody was performed and results were expedited to me in 3 days excluding him. I was so happy at first because I trusted my results 100% and put this nightmare behind me. My baby even looks like my partners in 3D ultrasound even though that’s not a reliable way to tell.
But of course I had to be nosey and dig through the internet for people claiming their results were wrong. But a lot of the post seem like trolls.. or even woman who weren’t happy with the results so bashed the company for their own mistake... also woman who swore they have only been with one man their whole life but somehow ended up paying $2000 for a prenatal test.. seems strange to me. Just looking for some insight or a way to calm my nerves.
Thanks to anyone who read this.
COMMUNITY LEADER
It's not unusual for someone who is carrying a load of anxiety, stress or guilt over a sexual event to transmit that into fear of a less likely worst-case scenario that could come from such an event.
In the forums where people write in asking about sexually transmitted diseases, lots of people write who have transferred guilt over cheating into unrealistic fear of having an STD. (Even if all tests show they don't have one, they still are afraid they have one.) This is because for some people, it's easier to stress over getting an STD than it is to face up to the fact that they had sex with the wrong person.
In this community, a lot of women write in who have let their stress over a sexual event settle on the question of who the baby's father is, even if they (deep down in their heart) can see that the test was correct, or the dates show the wrong person is not the dad.
Reassurance about the question the person is asking ("Do I have an STD?" "Is the paternity test right?") doesn't reassure, because the thing the person is asking for reassurance about is not in fact the thing that is actually bothering them.
It sounds like you are looking in the face of medical evidence of two kinds, a DNA test and an ultrasound, and choosing instead to believe (or half-believe) stuff you have read on the Internet. The Internet is full of things that come from sources with their own hidden agendas. It is not medically based. It is not the truth of the Lord. It is not familiar with your medical record and it has not taken a DNA test for you. Please understand that you are doing this to yourself, to justify your unsettled reaction to the rape.
What are you afraid will happen if you tell your boyfriend you were raped? Do you think he will leave you? Why didn't you report the assault and press charges? If the police still have the record that the date-rape drug was found in your system, it's not too late. Are you afraid he will claim he didn't put it in your drink? Even pressing charges will cause there to be a record that some other woman can find some day when she is deciding whether to marry this guy. And all of this will allow you to take back your power. Rape is not your fault. It is a crime and a crime was committed against you. Turning your back on this assault is turning away from your own autonomy.
If you think the costs will be too high, to yourself, of reporting this man and making him accountable to the authorities for his crime, at the very least, see a counselor and get the burden of silence unloaded. You're carrying more than you should carry.
In the forums where people write in asking about sexually transmitted diseases, lots of people write who have transferred guilt over cheating into unrealistic fear of having an STD. (Even if all tests show they don't have one, they still are afraid they have one.) This is because for some people, it's easier to stress over getting an STD than it is to face up to the fact that they had sex with the wrong person.
In this community, a lot of women write in who have let their stress over a sexual event settle on the question of who the baby's father is, even if they (deep down in their heart) can see that the test was correct, or the dates show the wrong person is not the dad.
Reassurance about the question the person is asking ("Do I have an STD?" "Is the paternity test right?") doesn't reassure, because the thing the person is asking for reassurance about is not in fact the thing that is actually bothering them.
It sounds like you are looking in the face of medical evidence of two kinds, a DNA test and an ultrasound, and choosing instead to believe (or half-believe) stuff you have read on the Internet. The Internet is full of things that come from sources with their own hidden agendas. It is not medically based. It is not the truth of the Lord. It is not familiar with your medical record and it has not taken a DNA test for you. Please understand that you are doing this to yourself, to justify your unsettled reaction to the rape.
What are you afraid will happen if you tell your boyfriend you were raped? Do you think he will leave you? Why didn't you report the assault and press charges? If the police still have the record that the date-rape drug was found in your system, it's not too late. Are you afraid he will claim he didn't put it in your drink? Even pressing charges will cause there to be a record that some other woman can find some day when she is deciding whether to marry this guy. And all of this will allow you to take back your power. Rape is not your fault. It is a crime and a crime was committed against you. Turning your back on this assault is turning away from your own autonomy.
If you think the costs will be too high, to yourself, of reporting this man and making him accountable to the authorities for his crime, at the very least, see a counselor and get the burden of silence unloaded. You're carrying more than you should carry.
5 Comments
I know i sounds horrible but I prayed every day that he would be excluded. I feel like my prayers were answered and I don’t want any unwanted karma from ruining someone’s life... even though they put me through mental hell for 8 months.
I have decided to press charges but I am waiting until my daughter is born so that stress doesn’t carry to her.. god knows how much stress I was under and that has already transcribed to her.
Since finding out it was in fact my boyfriends a weight has been lifted off me and I haven’t given the other man much thought and tried to bury it. I do need some sort of councling though you’re right. Every sign and even science has shown me it’s my boyfriends I just carry the guilt at all times.
I have decided to press charges but I am waiting until my daughter is born so that stress doesn’t carry to her.. god knows how much stress I was under and that has already transcribed to her.
Since finding out it was in fact my boyfriends a weight has been lifted off me and I haven’t given the other man much thought and tried to bury it. I do need some sort of councling though you’re right. Every sign and even science has shown me it’s my boyfriends I just carry the guilt at all times.
For what it is worth, women do often feel guilt after a rape, even though a crime was committed against them. I think you should talk to the counselor soon, to order your thoughts and work out how you will proceed, and how you will tell your boyfriend. Or, just tell him. Then you can proceed with his assistance.
Adrenalin fixes memories, as Dr. Christine Ford reminded us with her reference to the hippocampus. Do we need another word in the language for the recurring focus on a traumatic event? Guilt implies "my fault", and there is more to it than that. I prefer to recognize it as part of the survival instinct, a learning process designed to avoid similar situations in the future. It's a poor bird that does not learn to check for cats at the bird feeder. This instinct kicks in over greater and lesser events, be it a financial catastrophe or a simple faux pas. Time is the great healer, though a memory can remain for life, hopefully with diminishing importance.
I had my baby yesterday after a long labor I just want to confirm that DDC was correct just Incase any other woman finds them selves in this situation. Once you get the results trust them and move on. :)
I'm glad to hear all is well, and congratulations on your beautiful baby! Thanks for writing back.
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