Aa
He is the father¿
Okay, I’m very much aware of my choices and the results the make. I’m keeping my baby boy at the end of the day. My question is if my ex or my childhood friend could be the potential father. They are both aware, but I just would like to just have more reassurance I guess? Anyway, I have a 26 day cycle and my LMP was August 17, 2018 (this was a 7 day period which is really weird because they usually last for 4 or 5 days). I had sex with my ex boyfriend on the 23rd & 24th using withdrawal method, unprotected. He didn’t finish inside of me. On August 30th, I had what started off as protected sex but he ended up taking the condom off during. Using withdrawal method and he also didn’t *** in me. A lot of the calculators say probable intercourse could’ve been from Aug 24th-29th for a 26 day cycle. Based on what my doctor first went off of, conception date would’ve been the 30th but at my 20 week ultrasound I was measuring 2 days ahead. So, today instead of being 22weeks, I’m technically 22weeks and 2 days... help¿
An interesting discussion. I don't think you should let the two day difference in estimated date throw your first impression. A late ultrasound is not that accurate. For me the probability is that Aug 30th has a higher chance than Aug 24th, but it's not ironclad.
1 Comments
I thought so to at first but due to the prenatal dna test, Aug 24th is the father!
COMMUNITY LEADER
OK, let's look at what we know.
You were originally given the estimated due date of May 24. If that date were to be perfectly correct, the day you got pregnant would have been the previous August 31. Your doctor did an ultrasound at the 20th week, and said the baby was measuring two days bigger than previously assumed, which you are saying means that now the estimated due date is May 22. Since the presumed conception date for May 22 would have been August 29, you are somewhat concerned because you had sex on the 23 - 24 with your ex, and on the 30th with your friend. And sperm can live 4-6 days in your body (some doctors say 3-4 days and others say up to 7 days, though research suggests it might not be viable enough to penetrate the egg as late as day 6).
Here's some stuff to put into the hopper as you think about this.
First of all, if a doctor does an ultrasound and thinks a baby is two days bigger than originally noted on the record, quite often the doc won't change the due date. This is especially true if the ultrasound was not early in the pregnancy. Babies can develop faster or slower than average, but it doesn't change when they began. There would not be any point in changing a due date based on an ultrasound that is pretty far along in the pregnancy, when all the difference might mean is that the baby is a slightly fast grower. Your baby that is a tiny bit bigger than a baby conceived on August 31 could have still been conceived on August 31.
I get you're trying to definitively rule one guy out or in. The guy on the 23 - 24 is a less likely candidate, even if you were to think "but his sperm could have lasted until the 29th, when I might have ovulated." This is because your baby is a boy. By the 29th, the sperm from your ex would most likely all have been carrying the x chromsome, not the y chromosome. To know why, look up the Shettles method.
Shettles says the closer to ovulation you have sex, the higher the likelihood you will have a boy, because male sperm swim faster and die sooner than female sperm. The theory is that by about day 3 after sex, all the sperm carrying the y chromosome are dead. Since you know the baby is a boy, and it appears you had sex with the second guy right around when you ovulated (or a day later, which is still OK because eggs last 24-36 hours), the second guy seems to be the more likely candidate.
Of course, the margins for certainty here are hair-thin. If it is really important to know before the baby is born, do a prenatal DNA test with a reliable lab such as Ravgen or the DDC. In a perfect world, where men treat women like equals and take responsibility for their behavior, you and the two men would split the cost three ways (prenatal testing at a reliable lab is expensive) and both men would test, and you would know in a couple of weeks. (If you do this, be SURE both guys test.) A lot of the time, though, people just opt to wait until the baby is born to do a DNA test, because by then it is about a tenth as costly. (Again, test with both guys. It is not useful to get a "no" for one guy and not have a test with the other guy. I get so many letters from women who did just that, and they all say, "What if the test is --- WRONG?!?!?!" Testing with both guys means one man's "yes" confirms the other man's "no.")
Good luck to you, if it were me, I would let the fact that the baby is a boy strongly indicate to me that the friend and not the ex is the father. I would test after the baby comes, with both men, since important issues of identity and legality hang on the testing. Also, so I would never, ever have to wonder again.
Congratulations on your wonderful upcoming new baby.
Annie
You were originally given the estimated due date of May 24. If that date were to be perfectly correct, the day you got pregnant would have been the previous August 31. Your doctor did an ultrasound at the 20th week, and said the baby was measuring two days bigger than previously assumed, which you are saying means that now the estimated due date is May 22. Since the presumed conception date for May 22 would have been August 29, you are somewhat concerned because you had sex on the 23 - 24 with your ex, and on the 30th with your friend. And sperm can live 4-6 days in your body (some doctors say 3-4 days and others say up to 7 days, though research suggests it might not be viable enough to penetrate the egg as late as day 6).
Here's some stuff to put into the hopper as you think about this.
First of all, if a doctor does an ultrasound and thinks a baby is two days bigger than originally noted on the record, quite often the doc won't change the due date. This is especially true if the ultrasound was not early in the pregnancy. Babies can develop faster or slower than average, but it doesn't change when they began. There would not be any point in changing a due date based on an ultrasound that is pretty far along in the pregnancy, when all the difference might mean is that the baby is a slightly fast grower. Your baby that is a tiny bit bigger than a baby conceived on August 31 could have still been conceived on August 31.
I get you're trying to definitively rule one guy out or in. The guy on the 23 - 24 is a less likely candidate, even if you were to think "but his sperm could have lasted until the 29th, when I might have ovulated." This is because your baby is a boy. By the 29th, the sperm from your ex would most likely all have been carrying the x chromsome, not the y chromosome. To know why, look up the Shettles method.
Shettles says the closer to ovulation you have sex, the higher the likelihood you will have a boy, because male sperm swim faster and die sooner than female sperm. The theory is that by about day 3 after sex, all the sperm carrying the y chromosome are dead. Since you know the baby is a boy, and it appears you had sex with the second guy right around when you ovulated (or a day later, which is still OK because eggs last 24-36 hours), the second guy seems to be the more likely candidate.
Of course, the margins for certainty here are hair-thin. If it is really important to know before the baby is born, do a prenatal DNA test with a reliable lab such as Ravgen or the DDC. In a perfect world, where men treat women like equals and take responsibility for their behavior, you and the two men would split the cost three ways (prenatal testing at a reliable lab is expensive) and both men would test, and you would know in a couple of weeks. (If you do this, be SURE both guys test.) A lot of the time, though, people just opt to wait until the baby is born to do a DNA test, because by then it is about a tenth as costly. (Again, test with both guys. It is not useful to get a "no" for one guy and not have a test with the other guy. I get so many letters from women who did just that, and they all say, "What if the test is --- WRONG?!?!?!" Testing with both guys means one man's "yes" confirms the other man's "no.")
Good luck to you, if it were me, I would let the fact that the baby is a boy strongly indicate to me that the friend and not the ex is the father. I would test after the baby comes, with both men, since important issues of identity and legality hang on the testing. Also, so I would never, ever have to wonder again.
Congratulations on your wonderful upcoming new baby.
Annie
10 Comments
Yes I am familiar with the Shettles method but I didn’t think too much of it since it could go either way. I also wanna ask if the 31st still stands as the most probable conception date because I have a 26 day cycle not the regular 28 cycle. Thank you!
When you say "it could go either way," I assume you are saying that Shettles is only a theory? That is certainly true. However, the length of time sperm carrying either the x or y chromosome can last in your body has been scientifically shown, it is not theoretical.
Date-wise, given that y-chromosome sperm can live only up to 3 days, sex on the 23-24 would be too early to get you pregnant with a boy unless you ovulated on the 27th or earlier. Nothing about your dates suggests you ovulated as early as the 27th. This leads me to think the second guy is the dad. Thanks to the length of time the egg lasts, you could have ovulated on the 29th, or any day thereafter, and gotten pregnant by him with a boy.
Date-wise, given that y-chromosome sperm can live only up to 3 days, sex on the 23-24 would be too early to get you pregnant with a boy unless you ovulated on the 27th or earlier. Nothing about your dates suggests you ovulated as early as the 27th. This leads me to think the second guy is the dad. Thanks to the length of time the egg lasts, you could have ovulated on the 29th, or any day thereafter, and gotten pregnant by him with a boy.
By “it could go both ways “ I meant since it’s scientifically proven that male sperm can only determine the gender & that Shettles Method isn’t accurate for everyone. It’s actually been debunked so I didn’t think much of it. We are taking a dna test though. I’d like to add that the earliest I took a positive pregnancy test(faint line) was September 8th after my last encounter on the 30th, not that it could change anything but I just wanted to add that. My pregnancy symptoms started to kick in the first week of September, it could’ve been the hormones coming in or implantation I presume. It’s my first pregnancy.
Well, since you are going to do a DNA test, you will know the answer soon enough.
I'm wondering what you mean when you say it is "scientifically proven that male sperm can only determine the gender." Do you mean, not "male sperm" per se, but just "sperm"? That is correct. It is not only the y-chromosome-carrying sperm that determines the gender, x-chromosome-carrying sperm also determines gender.
Anyway, the Shettles method has not been proven. It would be surprising if anyone were to go to the trouble to do a large study to try to find out if it works or not -- the variables of when women ovulate are pretty hard to track, and besides, medical research is done if there is some profitable drug in the offing, and there is no drug result that would come from such a study. But that doesn't mean the method has been "debunked." There was one study that came to the conclusion that it didn't work, and another larger study that thought there was something to it. I always say to people that it's a theory.
Anyway, the Shettles method has not been proven. It would be surprising if anyone were to go to the trouble to do a large study to try to find out if it works or not -- the variables of when women ovulate are pretty hard to track, and besides, medical research is done if there is some profitable drug in the offing, and there is no drug result that would come from such a study. But that doesn't mean the method has been "debunked." There was one study that came to the conclusion that it didn't work, and another larger study that thought there was something to it. I always say to people that it's a theory.
So I talked to my ex about it & he paid for the test after getting advice on payment from my OB. We went to get a prenatal blood test on Thursday and should get the results sometime this week! They just took a bit of my blood & a swab of his cheek. Now just the wait for the results. *sigh of relief*
That's good news. Did you test with both guys?
My childhood friend is out of town for work at the time being but the test rules him out entirely!!! My ex boyfriend called me with the results today and he is my sons father. I didn’t believe him at first but he showed me. Do you think I should still test my friend? Even though it won’t say anything other than 0%?
Oh, yes, I'd test the other guy. It depends, first, on what company you went with to do the testing. If you used Ravgen, then I probably wouldn't test again until after the baby comes though I'd be kind of kicking myself that I didn't test with both guys just so I could be totally sure. But Ravgen is reliable. (If you didn't use Ravgen, did you use the DDC? They are second most reliable.)
If you used either Ravgen or the DDC, I think in your shoes, I'd wait until the baby is born and then test again with both men. DNA tests after the baby comes are about a tenth as costly. That way, you'd get both men's tests and could put the question to rest for good.
Another aspect that could come into play is the motives of the guy who showed you the results. If he doesn't want to be the dad and he showed you a document that says he is, especially if it was from a super-reliable lab, it's more likely to be an untampered-with results sheet. If, on the other hand, he wants to be in a relationship with you, he might have some motivation to show you a doctored test result. I realize that sounds a little out-there, but we have heard from people in this community who have really gone to a lot of trouble to forge test results for their own reasons.
Anyway, that's how I'd be thinking about it. If you used a top lab and the first guy (who got the positive) was not angling for the test to be positive, then it sounds reliable. I'd let it go until the baby comes and do one last pair of DNA tests, and then forget about it.
If you used either Ravgen or the DDC, I think in your shoes, I'd wait until the baby is born and then test again with both men. DNA tests after the baby comes are about a tenth as costly. That way, you'd get both men's tests and could put the question to rest for good.
Another aspect that could come into play is the motives of the guy who showed you the results. If he doesn't want to be the dad and he showed you a document that says he is, especially if it was from a super-reliable lab, it's more likely to be an untampered-with results sheet. If, on the other hand, he wants to be in a relationship with you, he might have some motivation to show you a doctored test result. I realize that sounds a little out-there, but we have heard from people in this community who have really gone to a lot of trouble to forge test results for their own reasons.
Anyway, that's how I'd be thinking about it. If you used a top lab and the first guy (who got the positive) was not angling for the test to be positive, then it sounds reliable. I'd let it go until the baby comes and do one last pair of DNA tests, and then forget about it.
ps - If you did not use one of those two labs I mentioned, go online and look up reviews for the lab you did use. There are some doozies out there.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Also, could you mention what due date you were first given, and when, and what it was based on (an exam or an ultrasound)?
COMMUNITY LEADER
Did you get an early ultrasound, or was the 20th week the first ultrasound you had?
8 Comments
I got a 20 week ultrasound! I caught my pregnancy later on around 8 weeks so they did a blood test to confirm pregnancy and I had very high levels of HCG. The 28 day cycle would say my due date would be May 24th but by how he’s measuring and being a 26 day cycle, it would be May 22nd.
OK, I was asking if you got an ultrasound at an earlier point than 20 weeks, not whether you got one at 20 weeks.
The reason I am asking is that a 20th-week ultrasound is not going to be useful to tell you when conception was. Even as early as by the time a woman is in her 12th week, the margin for error if trying to use an ultrasound to determine conception is +/- 7 days either direction, and by the time she is in her 40th week it's a +/- 3 week margin for error. Only early ultrasounds can give the accuracy you need. Measuring "2 days ahead" at 20 weeks could mean that the original computation of your weeks was incorrect, or it could mean that your baby is growing faster than average, or it could mean nothing that changes the original computation. By itself it's not enough to decide that a different guy than you thought is the dad.
Oh sorry. I mean the to say yes the 20 week was the first ultrasound I had. They didn’t give me one at 8 weeks, not sure why but they maybe because I knew my LMP.
So, has the doctor told you an estimated due date, either at your 8-week appointment or at your 20-week appointment? You said a lot of things that indicated you were making the calculations, such as "Based on what my doctor first went off of, conception date would’ve been the 30th" but you haven't said exactly what the doctor told you about your due date, either at your early appointment or later. I'm not looking for your interpretation of what the doctor might have meant or what something might have been based on what the doctor said, but the actual words that came out of the doctor's mouth about when your due date is.
What I'm after is what the doctor said unadorned by your analysis of why it might be incorrect. We can work out that part after we know what data point you have from the doctor.
Yes. At my first appointment my due date was May 24th she went off of my LMP, it is now May 22nd.
Also she’s never given me an estimated date of conception or anything other than an EDD and that I am further along by 2 days.
I’m still barely showing.
I’m still barely showing.
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