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Is my current baby daddy the father?
I was dating my ex in Oct on 26th we had sex the first time. he didn't ejactulation that night at all. He was drunk and it wasn't working. I met up with him again and he just entered for a sec. nothing serious.maybe a couple seconds.No ejactulation that time either. I broke up with him soon after. On Nov. 7 I went to the doctor and got a negative pregnancy test(I was not there for one but its procedure). after that continued to have a period as well. They go from 2 to 3 days not very long never have been very hard to tell from spotting. So on Dec 8th I met my now current boyfriend.I wasn't supposed to meet let alone date but Life happened and we end up having sex Dec 8th no protection. He wouldn't ejaculate in me but he would ejaculate. We had sex often but he would continue not to ejaculate Inside me.I continued to have a period until the date of Jan 10th. on Feb 7th I Went back to the hospital for a positive pregnancy test. I haven't when to a real appointment yet so I don't have a positive record of how far Iam. from the the doppler heart beat sounds and belly size the doctor's say I'm 10 weeks. Just going off my last known period. If it's my Ex baby I would be 20 weeks maybe more. I know all the signs point too my Boyfriend but without knowing how far I am it's hard to tell. I love my current boyfriend and will be devastated if this is not his child. Please help!!!
COMMUNITY LEADER
If you had periods in November and December, you didn't get pregnant from the activity with the ex before November 7. Try not to worry.
11 Comments
So I wouldn't have to get a DNA test or anything Crazy. Once my doctor tells me how far it should all become clear?
Certainly once your doctor does an ultrasound and tells you how many weeks "gestational age" the pregnancy is (that's the official name of the number in weeks that doctors use), it should be clear that you didn't get pregnant from the sex with your ex since it was so much earlier. But your periods should be enough evidence without waiting for the doctor to tell you the GA.
Incidentally, a pregnancy time period in weeks is counted by doctors as beginning on day 1 of your last period, not when conception happens (you aren't pregnant then, you're having a period! But that is when doctors begin the count.) Conception would be a couple of weeks after that. So if the doc says you're "10 weeks pregnant," he or she is saying it was actually about 8 weeks since conception.
If you are wanting to be totally sure what the doctor is talking about, ask specifically when conception might have been, using that exact word. Don't say "How far along am I?" or you'll go down the rabbit hole of the GA count and it is always confusing.
From the ultrasound, the doc will give you a due date -- the calendar date when the baby is expected to arrive. From that, you can count back 266 days on a calendar and it will give you an estimated conception date, or there are online calculators that do this too. You plug in your due date and they tell you an estimated conception date.
All of that said, it really can't be that with two periods in between the first guy and the second, you would have been pregnant by the first guy.
The only reason for a DNA test after the baby comes would be if your boyfriend wants one. (Frankly if I were a single guy looking at 18-21 years of child support, I might want one.) But let him be the one to bring it up, since you know you didn't have two boyfriends at once and you don't want to put the notion in his head that you had been cheating.
Take care, and don't worry.
Annie
Incidentally, a pregnancy time period in weeks is counted by doctors as beginning on day 1 of your last period, not when conception happens (you aren't pregnant then, you're having a period! But that is when doctors begin the count.) Conception would be a couple of weeks after that. So if the doc says you're "10 weeks pregnant," he or she is saying it was actually about 8 weeks since conception.
If you are wanting to be totally sure what the doctor is talking about, ask specifically when conception might have been, using that exact word. Don't say "How far along am I?" or you'll go down the rabbit hole of the GA count and it is always confusing.
From the ultrasound, the doc will give you a due date -- the calendar date when the baby is expected to arrive. From that, you can count back 266 days on a calendar and it will give you an estimated conception date, or there are online calculators that do this too. You plug in your due date and they tell you an estimated conception date.
All of that said, it really can't be that with two periods in between the first guy and the second, you would have been pregnant by the first guy.
The only reason for a DNA test after the baby comes would be if your boyfriend wants one. (Frankly if I were a single guy looking at 18-21 years of child support, I might want one.) But let him be the one to bring it up, since you know you didn't have two boyfriends at once and you don't want to put the notion in his head that you had been cheating.
Take care, and don't worry.
Annie
Thank you, That's my bestfriend I would be surprised if I ever left and even put him on child support. he is not questioning me at all and knows I've been completely honest about the situation with both guys. Both guys care about me deeply as I didn't meet them yesterday. But as for my future husband I see more children and next time it will be no question. This was a small mistake I made with two dear lovers. That I won't make again. I just wanna follow the path I already set for myself without question. Thanks again for clearing that up and helping so many women find the way. Its appreciate and Recepted.
You're welcome. But you needn't characterize your actions as a mistake; the time span you named is October 26 to December 8; it's not like if it were December 2 to December 8 (which would be a mistake for sure). Anyway, the end of October to December 8 is plenty of time to be sure you aren't pregnant from the first guy before sleeping with the second. Especially since you had a period or (it sounds like you said) two periods.
Write back when you get an ultrasound and the doctor gives you a due date based on it, and congratulations on your upcoming baby!
Write back when you get an ultrasound and the doctor gives you a due date based on it, and congratulations on your upcoming baby!
Hello, I'm 5 months pregnant now. From a ultrasound. I look up the other date from when guy 2 just entered and it was Nov 2 and I had sex with my boyfriend dec 8th. I explained this to my nurse and she said I got pregnant Jan 14. I've only been with my boyfriend since. I'm still worried I did something wrong. PLEASE HELP!!!
What is worrying you about the fact that the nurse said you got pregnant on January 14?
For some odd reason I feel alot of guilt for something that happen a month before I meet my current boyfriend. The nurse told me it was Jan 14 and I was only with him during this time period but what if the doctor was wrong.
They have told me multiple time that my due date is Oct 6th and I know that means I conceived in Jan. but it's like I cant help but think the other shoe will fall and they will say I'm 7 months outta no where. I questioned it so much He's starting to doubt as well. My doctors cant be wrong I definitely dont feel or look 7 months. Why am I guilty?
Do I need help thats a paternity cant provide. like mentally. Because at this point my thoughts are impossible. Please help!
They have told me multiple time that my due date is Oct 6th and I know that means I conceived in Jan. but it's like I cant help but think the other shoe will fall and they will say I'm 7 months outta no where. I questioned it so much He's starting to doubt as well. My doctors cant be wrong I definitely dont feel or look 7 months. Why am I guilty?
Do I need help thats a paternity cant provide. like mentally. Because at this point my thoughts are impossible. Please help!
For some women, pregnancy can bring out deep worries that feel emotionally too dangerous, so they fix their anxiety onto an issue that is easier, like paternity. But since the evidence (that the paternity is not in question) doesn't address the real worries, the woman is not reassured. In other words, worrying about paternity is a red herring, you're worrying about a straw man that you set up yourself so you'd have something easy to obsess over. But in so doing, you're creating a more serious problem. (Besides that you look crazy in asking your doctor again and again) it is that you're about to drive the real father away with obsessions that can't be true.
If you have read this community a lot, you have probably seen that at least one in four posts are from women whose dates are clear and the father is obvious, yet they are still freaking out. Here is what I've said in the past to women about this phenomenon:
________
In the DNA/Paternity community, usually if a woman obsesses that a man is the dad who the dates show is not the dad, the problem is that she hasn't addressed her real issue, and reassurance will have no force because it is not addressing what she is really anxious about.
Every woman who does this (looking right at obvious medical evidence about paternity and not heeding it) has a different reason she assigns her stress to the question of paternity even in the face of all evidence. Often, it is guilt or shame over her behavior. Or it could be worry about adding another child to the family, or wishing the other guy was the dad and being ashamed of it, or resentment of her husband, or fear about survival or money, or feeling God will punish her, or not wanting to be a mom, or it could be something else. Those worries are deep and threatening, and not easy to control, and if the concern happens to be one that makes the woman feel ashamed, she just has to live with it, since she did the act that created the concern. A person's mind in this kind of existential stress often lets the anxiety settle on something more cut-and-dried. (Like obsessing over the dates and what if the father is someone else.)
Identify the real thing that is bothering you, and talk to a counselor. The fake fear about who is the daddy will begin to leave, as you address your real cause for being so anxious.
________
Anyway, see a therapist if you can, and discuss what is at the bottom of your anxiety. Don't destroy your life over an issue that isn't even real.
If you have read this community a lot, you have probably seen that at least one in four posts are from women whose dates are clear and the father is obvious, yet they are still freaking out. Here is what I've said in the past to women about this phenomenon:
________
In the DNA/Paternity community, usually if a woman obsesses that a man is the dad who the dates show is not the dad, the problem is that she hasn't addressed her real issue, and reassurance will have no force because it is not addressing what she is really anxious about.
Every woman who does this (looking right at obvious medical evidence about paternity and not heeding it) has a different reason she assigns her stress to the question of paternity even in the face of all evidence. Often, it is guilt or shame over her behavior. Or it could be worry about adding another child to the family, or wishing the other guy was the dad and being ashamed of it, or resentment of her husband, or fear about survival or money, or feeling God will punish her, or not wanting to be a mom, or it could be something else. Those worries are deep and threatening, and not easy to control, and if the concern happens to be one that makes the woman feel ashamed, she just has to live with it, since she did the act that created the concern. A person's mind in this kind of existential stress often lets the anxiety settle on something more cut-and-dried. (Like obsessing over the dates and what if the father is someone else.)
Identify the real thing that is bothering you, and talk to a counselor. The fake fear about who is the daddy will begin to leave, as you address your real cause for being so anxious.
________
Anyway, see a therapist if you can, and discuss what is at the bottom of your anxiety. Don't destroy your life over an issue that isn't even real.
Thank you, I tend to obsess over things. I had OCD for years. Sometimes I can control it and sometimes it gets out of hand. I think it's just another compulsion. I was having multiple episodes before my pregnancy and sometimes when a new compulsion pops up I have a hard to recognize it as such. I think the problem is just having a child with a unstable mind. I usually try to keep this to myself but it's getting hard to handle when I experience new events. I know it's there but it still tricks me into believing the impossible. I dont want it to ruin my child and her father's life. I will find away to control it. Thank you so much. I can explain how much you have helped. With OCD you need someone to just repeat your crazy for the sufferer to understand. Thank you so very much. Just for listening and responding.
There are good therapists who specialize in OCD. When pregnant is a great time to use the services of one, the hormones are tough enough to deal with as it is. Good luck!
I just wanted to put a bit of insight into this for you. If you read other posts very similar to yours and you try to differentiate the dates for them and help someone that is in your same situation and their said dates are much far apart and a dna test isn’t necessary, you’ll think, “why are you worrying?”, “your dates are so clear who the father is.”. But when you’re in the situation yourself, it tends to be much more difficult to overcome, especially suffering from OCD. Therapy is your best route at this point. I’ve been in this situation, I know how much researched, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve reached out to multiple sites to have that moment of “reassurance”. But, in the end, even with dates so clear, you’ll continue to question it, even when you know in your heart who your babies father is. When you do look for a therapist, please try to find one who specializes in OCD and can help you separate your thoughts from that. Seek help before you obsess to much, it’s not worth it at all. Please reach out if you need someone to talk too.
On a side note: your dates are very clear that you did not conceive in Oct. or Nov.
On a side note: your dates are very clear that you did not conceive in Oct. or Nov.
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