Paternity Results- DDC

[August2020]

So...... Long story, going to TRY and make it short

LMP was 11/1/2019-11/5/2019. I have a normal cycle, literally started on the 1st of every month.

I was with "fling" on 11/6/2019 and not again after that.

I was with other guy on 11/21/2019.

Took pregnancy test on 12/1/2020 because my cycle was due to start and hadn't, it was POSITIVE.

so of course I panicked because I DID NOT want to be pregnant with "flings" baby.

Fling and I went to the lab on 1/6/2020 and did the Prenatal DNA test through DDC. They drew my blood and swabbed his mouth.

1 week later, results said he was excluded. There was 0.00% he was the father!

JOY!

I am 31 weeks pregnant now. Early Ultrasound confirmed I am due 8/13/2020, which showed I conceived on 11/22 (it was late night on 11/21, so makes sense). All of my appts since then have lined up, and im measuring correctly. Father is over the moon.


But of course I cant stop wondering if the results were wrong, just like everyone else on these sites.

Someone ease my mind. I really dont want to pay the $$$$ to test the other guy so close to my due date.


Sorry its so long!

[AnnieBrooke]

Why do you think the test could be wrong? Because the 21st is a little late in a 31-day cycle to get pregnant? (You say you "literally" start on the 1st of every month, but for that statement to be accurate, your periods would have to know that February is only 28 days long and May is 31 days long and arrive accordingly. Did you just mean that lately you have started on the 1st of the month?)

[August2020]

I guess its just the "what if".

My period ended on 11/5, so I would think I was ovulating around the 21st, not around the 6th.....

Yeah, lately I had been starting on the first. So I started October 1st and November 1st and was due to start on Dec 1st  but had a positive pregnancy test instead

[AnnieBrooke]

Well, you're more likely to have ovulated after the middle of the month than before, if your menstrual months have lately been as long as 31 days. Your ovulation date as extrapolated from your early ultrasound (how early in the pregnancy was it?) would have been about three days later than expected for a December 1 next-period date, but periods can vary and ovulation doesn't always happen when you expect, and if your first ultrasound was after about your tenth week there is a margin for error when trying to use it to guess at conception anyway. There is no logic, though, to someone who has lately been having 31-day cycles being worried that she ovulated super early in her cycle. You'd have to have ovulated by the 11th for the first guy to have even a chance at being dad. But lo and behold, you tested, and he's not the dad. And your ultrasound says you got pregnant on the 21st.

Just remember, medical anxiety is a fear reaction, like a "fight or flight" reaction when someone is lost in the woods. When they realize they are lost, they basically lose the ability to think because they are flooded by panic hormones. They cry, run, throw away their backpack, forget where landmarks are, etc. and do not act what you'd remotely think of as logically, because they're in the throes of panic. Maybe it worked to save our lives when we were hunter gatherers, but being flooded with stress hormones that keep us from being able to think logically is not much help in modern life.

You said "I guess it's just the 'what if.'" Our minds in stress can cook up a lot of what-ifs, but that doesn't mean the what-ifs are true. If you feel guilty about the fling, it will just pile on the anxiety hormones, and you won't be able to process anything. (Including new tests, probably. You don't want to be one of the women who writes in here who has done two prenatal tests and still doesn't believe them. Yes, it happens.)

My suggestion is to talk to a counselor or therapist about any feelings you have of fear for the future or guilt over the fling, and see if that doesn't ease your stress as you work out *those* bigger but more difficult to process what-ifs. If you get to the root of what is making you so anxious (and I can guarantee you that it is not really the question of who is the dad), you'll find you are able to believe all the medical evidence.

Take care, and congratulations on your wonderful upcoming child. :)

[August2020]

My first US was on 1/6/2020 and says I was 9w3d with a due date of 8/13/2020. I am 31 weeks pregnant now and the due date has not changed.

I was honestly fine with the results until I made the mistake of asking my doctors nurse if I more likely conceived on 11/6 or 11/22, and she said "well it could have been either". So that took me down an unnecessary rabbit hole.

I am trying to tell myself to calm down but your words definitely helped, so thank you for that.

I dont intend on doing ANOTHER test as I worry that will make the anxiety worse.

I just need to trust the science and enjoy the rest of my pregnancy.

[AnnieBrooke]

The easiest way to "trust the science and enjoy your pregnancy" is to learn to manage your anxiety. People write in as though anxiety is an inevitable occupant in their house and they have to spend a lot of worry and energy to keep it shoved into a closet "or else". Talking with a counselor about the underlying reasons you're anxious can help a LOT. Learning anxiety-management techniques can keep you from going "What if? What if?" and help you feel in control. Even walking in the sun or doing other physical basics can break up the pattern. Please remember that you might not be in charge of all the stressors life hands out, but you ARE in charge of how you respond. Don't let anxiety run the show, it's lousy for you and your baby, and right now, all for no reason anyway. :)

Take care, and again, congratulations.

(((HUGS)))

Annie