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Paternity/test needed?

I need opinions please.
I had sex with someone else on May 3rd 2019 and I took a plan b within 20 hours. I then had sex with my partner may 4th and got worried about getting pregnant so I took another plan b on may 7th. I’m usually a 26-28 day cycle. I got a “period” on may 17th (26 days) last period before that was 4/21. My periods are usually heavy and short. This period was enough blood to fill an entire toilet bowl with blood and I used tampons. The only thing I can remember otherwise is that it was short, 2-3 days? Fast forward to late may, my boyfriend and I decide not to use protection and decide if I get pregnant we want the baby. We had sex on May 31, June 1 and other times after may 17th. But may 31 and June 1 are the days I would have been close to ovulating I believe. I missed my period in June (expected around June 12-14). I had a pregnancy test done June 21st and a quantitative blood test that put me at 4,800 mIU/mL which is the range for being 4-6 weeks pregnant. I was happy at first, then this fear came over me, what if I actually conceived from the may 3rd encounter?
I had a few early ultrasounds done to calm my nerves. Ultrasound on 7/5 put me at 7 weeks 1 day (when I should’ve been 7 weeks per my “period” on may 17th). I took that as plenty of proof that the baby was indeed from my boyfriend.
I had another ultrasound on 8/5 which put me at 12 weeks 1 day (when I should’ve been 11w 3 days per LMP)
Another scan on 8/22 put me at 14w 4 days (13w 6 days per lmp) .
My 20 week scan my dates had progressed by a week.
My whole pregnancy my boyfriend has been there as the father because I truly believed there was no way the may 3rd encounter could be the father.
Was I wrong, was there something I could have missed?
My due date throughout was 2/21 (didn’t change at all) and I gave birth on 2/27. I went into labor on my own.
I’m nervous because my baby looks so much like me and looks Hispanic like me and not like my boyfriend who is pale white and green eyed. I don’t think he looks like the other guy but his skin is similar to the other guys. But then again the other guy has dark features like me. So it’s hard to say whether I’m seeing myself or the other guy.
Can I please get some opinions? Could conception have occurred may 3rd from a due date of 2/21? I also worry that that period wasn’t actually a period or that the plan b made some weird crazy conception happen.
2 Responses
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134578 tn?1693250592
COMMUNITY LEADER
No worries, sweetheart. The birth date of 2/21 and the actual birth date of 2/27 indicate conception at the end of May or in early June, not in early May. Besides everything else, such as, taking Plan B twice, your baby would have been four or five weeks late, which is pretty much not possible. The doctors would never have given you a due date of 2/21 from an ultrasound if you had gotten pregnant on May 3. If you can't believe me, look up some pictures of embryos at 7 weeks GA and 11 weeks GA and you can see there is a major difference in how developed they are. Don't let guilt make you frightened. You're right, it's your boyfriend's baby.
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14 Comments
Is there any way plan b could have delayed conception?
No. To understand this, you should probably read up on how Plan B works. It keeps a newly-created embryo from implanting. (An embryo, not an egg and not sperm.) It doesn't delay conception -- how could it have done that? It would have had to be able to either put the sperm or the egg into some kind of time warp.

If a sperm met an egg on May 3 (which it doesn't really sound like happened, but if it did), conception would have happened then. An embryo is created the moment sperm meets egg, not weeks later.  Within a week of conception, the embryo would have travelled to the uterus. Due to Plan B's effects, the uterus would have been inhospitable. The embryo, finding no place to implant, would fade away. That's how all the morning-after products work.

Not: the sperm from Mr. May 3 was put into suspended animation for four or five weeks, and then found an egg that had just come out, and created an embryo.

Not: the embryo was created May 3 but went into suspended animation until June 3, when it implanted in the uterus. (Your doctor looked at the actual baby by ultrasound, it didn't look like anything but what it was, an embryo created around May 31.)

Not: the uterus went to sleep for a month like Sleeping Beauty's castle and then woke up and everything started from there.

Sweetie, don't let your guilty conscience lead you astray. The baby would have been born by January 25 if conceived from the sexual event you feel bad about. Please relax. Take some deep breaths and cleanse your worries.

Your title is, "Paternity test needed?" No, it is not needed to prove paternity. In your shoes, there is only one reason I would do one, and that is if your boyfriend would like one. Because single guys sometimes do wonder if they are really the dad; they are being put on the line for a lifetime of support, and it's not unreasonable. But if he is sure, happy and it wouldn't ever occur to him to doubt the situation, don't raise fear about your fidelity in his mind by offering. (Keep in mind that you thinking it would ease your own worries might be wrong, too. If you look at the letters we get in this community, full of anxiety and guilt, you'll find women who have let their shame about their own behavior attach to questions about paternity even when it makes no sense, because it's easier to deal with obsessing over that than the mixed feelings they have about what happened. Women in that boat sometimes get  DNA tests and are STILL not convinced even though the answer is what they wanted.)

My thought is, your baby is from your boyfriend, you need to stop stressing, and the way babies come makes it clear you are mistaken if you think May 3 had anything to do with anything.

Take care, and (((HUGS)))

Annie
Thank you for taking your time to respond. I still worry that the baby doesn’t look like him much. He has darker skin and black hair like me. Do you think this lack of resemblance should cause me to worry?
Not enough to disregard medical science, anyway. Have you ever seen a baby picture of your boyfriend? If not, can you get his mother to send some so you can do a cute display of your baby's photos and your boyfriend's photos as a baby? (And, while at it, look at the photos yourself, so you can stop worrying?)
In other words, "lack of resemblance" that is just pigmentation differences might not actually be lack of resemblance in bone structure, smile, eyes, ears, and body type. My husband's and son's baby pictures could be photos of each other. And how do your worries deal with the fact that the baby would have been a month overdue if your theory of the wrong guy being the dad is correct?
I’ve read stories about women going to 43-44 weeks because they didn’t allow induction. So I worry that I just naturally went longer. I was pretty convinced until the baby came out looking only like me. I looked at his baby pictures, they don’t look much alike, maybe the same nose and chin? Hard to say. I might just do a secret test to stop worrying every day
The way to tell, with baby pictures, is to compare a photo to a photo. Don't hold a picture of the father up to the live, wiggling baby and try to see comparisons, set a photograph of the baby on the table next to a photograph of the daddy at the same age. This can clarify resemblances more than you expect, especially when the baby is a little bit older (younger than 2, but not an infant).

If you had gone as far as 43 or 44 weeks, the doctor would have known it (if a doctor really ever lets a woman go that long and doesn't allow induction, which sounds frankly like the kind of b.s. that drama queens write on the Internet to scare each other and never really happens). You seriously think you went three or four weeks overdue and the doctor didn't tell you? If such an unrealistic thing were to happen, no doctor would keep the situation a secret. It would have been dangerous, and malpractice if he or she didn't tell the patient that she was going overdue. And most especially, the baby would have looked like a very overdue baby when born.

I guess you could do a secret test if you had to, but discreet DNA tests cost about ten times as much as just doing a straightforward test. Maybe this is not a concern in your situation. But often a woman with a new baby has five places to put each dollar. If that's the case, please try to let your common sense shine through. If I thought you had a real question, I would not discourage you from doing anything that would increase your peace of mind (unless it would destroy you financially), but your dates make it clear that the test isn't necessary. Common sense is cheaper than sending two grand to the DNA lab for specialty testing! Also, it's definitely been our experience in this community that some women are just as uncertain after a DNA test than before, because what they were really worried about was not paternity but something more amorphous and existentially scary. How would you feel to blow two grand and still be just as anxious? I really recommend you think this idea over.

I guess in my mind I’m thinking that the doctor possibly didn’t realize how far along I was, like they had the incorrect gestational age from the beginning so in their notes I was 40 weeks when in reality I was 44 weeks. I know it’s unlikely I just keep thinking of all the what if’s. Basically if this baby were may 3rds it would have to be one crazy miracle baby who defied all science. Do you think they would’ve been able to tell if he was overdue? Or even have told me? No one mentioned anything.
Do you really think I have nothing to worry about? I see what you mean about women questioning the paternity test on here. I don’t believe I would do that, it would be nice to have a definite answer rather than assumptions based off ultrasounds and looks.
I think I am being crazy but I can’t help it when I don’t see many similarities between my baby and my boyfriend. I’m sure time will tell though..
Possibly it would help you to look  on Google at an ultrasound of an embryo at 7 weeks and one at 11 weeks. The difference is enormous. No doctor would confuse an 11-week embryo with a 7-week embryo, the development in between is enormous.  And, no doctor would fail to mention it if you were going to 44 weeks. I think you need to relax.
A doctor talking about how Covid-19 spreads today was being asked about more and more far-fetched scenarios, and he said, "Focus on the important things, not obscurities." I thought that was good general advice. :) You do remember you took Plan B, right? Even if your dates suggested a problem (and they sure don't), you took Plan B and had a period. Try, try try to let your common sense come back and stop paying attention to your fears. We can all make up stories to be fearful about, but we have to remember they are inventions. You don't have to believe everything your imagination can cook up.
I’m still not convinced that was a true period since I took 2 plan bs in one cycle and it was pretty short. I was concerned that the period wasn’t actually a period and something weird from taking plan b. But ok I’ll try to relax and enjoy this time.
Plan B can make your next period wonky. Your baby was seen on the ultrasounds throughout the pregnancy and was not 4 weeks older than shown. Do relax, and focus on the important things.
So if you were in this predicament you would not worry at all?
I would not.
Avatar universal
I forgot to add, the may 3rd encounter said he didn’t finish in me. I know that doesn’t matter too much. He didn’t use a condom but he pulled out. And I remember having to clean myself off.
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