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Please help me find out if my boyfriend is the father?
I’ve been seeing a guy since August 2020. Last week he was contacted by a female he slept with on 9th July 2020. She said she is pregnant and he is definitely the father of her child. He only slept with her once (before we met) and hadn’t spoken to her since. She also said that she slept with her actual partner 1 week and a few days later, that same month (July). When she went for her first scan (during trimester 1) they were unable to date the baby however she had another ultrasound last week and they said she was 22 weeks pregnant. She was also given a due date of 4th April. She said this date puts her pregnancy 2 weeks further along than she expected. Therefore her current boyfriend cannot be the father. The girl has also said her periods are irregular and doesn’t know when she had her last one.
She is very adamant that my partner is the father, is there any possibility her boyfriend could be the father to? This situation is very stressful
She is very adamant that my partner is the father, is there any possibility her boyfriend could be the father to? This situation is very stressful
Yes, sorry, July 12. I counted one too many weeks back.
I agree with Annie. I you can afford to take the more expensive test now, that would either put his mind at ease, or give him a chance to think about how to proceed if he is the father.
I agree with Annie. I you can afford to take the more expensive test now, that would either put his mind at ease, or give him a chance to think about how to proceed if he is the father.
1 Comments
Thank you for clarifying! I appreciate the advice
COMMUNITY LEADER
You can get a DNA test from Ravgen or the DDC in the UK just as well as in the U.S.
Frankly, if the woman will do a prenatal DNA test, it would save everyone 18 weeks of telephone calls and stress to just do it. Your boyfriend is being an ostrich with its head in the sand not to even consider testing before the baby comes. It could be done next week. (Don't tell a woman who is calling to demand money that I said so, but in your boyfriend's shoes I would even be willing to pay for it all by myself if she would do it, just to get her off the phone and off your backs. Peace of mind is worth a lot of money.)
If the woman acts unwilling to do a prenatal DNA test now, that is suggestive that she has either lost her mind (and pregnant women write in to this community all the time that simply cannot think straight, due to their anxiety), or she is aware the baby might be her boyfriend's but wants to get what she can from the situation in the meantime. I don't like to suggest this is a scam, because as the dates line up in her story, the odds are at least 50/50 that the baby is from your boyfriend, and if so, you, she and he are going to need to be on good terms for the next many years because a child has to be raised without drama. And even though it's stressing you and is an annoying situation, keep in mind that even good, sane women do panic when their world shifts entirely over paternity while they are pregnant. Try to treat her as though everything she says is correct (except for the demands for money) and work with her even if she has limited understanding of what a 22nd-week ultrasound proves.
Regarding that point, you could suggest to her that she ask her doctor to explain to her how accurate a 22nd-week ultrasound is for determining the exact conception date of a baby. Unless her doctor dozed off during the part of medical school where they talked about ultrasounds, he or she will tell the woman that it cannot be used to pinpoint a conception date or determine paternity.
When she demands money, the answer is of course, "When we get a DNA test from a lab approved by the courts for determining paternity, and it shows he is the dad, we'll talk about child support." If she is being a pest, talk to a lawyer soon, not after a test determines paternity. She should at least be sent a proper legal letter telling your boyfriend's position (about testing having to come before any money) and asking her to stop being so constant with the phone calls. This kind of harassment has a legal remedy, but you shouldn't go that far without at least communicating appropriately through a lawyer that he is willing to do the right thing if it turns out that he's the dad, but that this has to happen first.
In the U.S., although prenatal testing at the top labs is accurate, it's still new enough that the courts only accept a DNA test that is done after the baby comes as proof of paternity. If your boyfriend does a test through Ravgen or the DDC it would be reliable, and will give you all 18 weeks of clarity that you won't have as things stand now. But if British courts are like US courts, he will probably be asked by the courts to do a DNA test once the baby comes. That's a great safety for him. Only when that post-natal test comes out positive for him, should he be talking about financial support for the child.
I know this is irritating, stressful and shocking. But please also, keep in mind that she has had a shock; her world has changed entirely and she is freaked out about it. And whether she's honest and stupid, or not being quite honest, she just might be in a pretty desperate situation. That should help you muster a modicum of sympathy, or at least courtesy, when she calls. And at the worst, change your phone number.
Frankly, if the woman will do a prenatal DNA test, it would save everyone 18 weeks of telephone calls and stress to just do it. Your boyfriend is being an ostrich with its head in the sand not to even consider testing before the baby comes. It could be done next week. (Don't tell a woman who is calling to demand money that I said so, but in your boyfriend's shoes I would even be willing to pay for it all by myself if she would do it, just to get her off the phone and off your backs. Peace of mind is worth a lot of money.)
If the woman acts unwilling to do a prenatal DNA test now, that is suggestive that she has either lost her mind (and pregnant women write in to this community all the time that simply cannot think straight, due to their anxiety), or she is aware the baby might be her boyfriend's but wants to get what she can from the situation in the meantime. I don't like to suggest this is a scam, because as the dates line up in her story, the odds are at least 50/50 that the baby is from your boyfriend, and if so, you, she and he are going to need to be on good terms for the next many years because a child has to be raised without drama. And even though it's stressing you and is an annoying situation, keep in mind that even good, sane women do panic when their world shifts entirely over paternity while they are pregnant. Try to treat her as though everything she says is correct (except for the demands for money) and work with her even if she has limited understanding of what a 22nd-week ultrasound proves.
Regarding that point, you could suggest to her that she ask her doctor to explain to her how accurate a 22nd-week ultrasound is for determining the exact conception date of a baby. Unless her doctor dozed off during the part of medical school where they talked about ultrasounds, he or she will tell the woman that it cannot be used to pinpoint a conception date or determine paternity.
When she demands money, the answer is of course, "When we get a DNA test from a lab approved by the courts for determining paternity, and it shows he is the dad, we'll talk about child support." If she is being a pest, talk to a lawyer soon, not after a test determines paternity. She should at least be sent a proper legal letter telling your boyfriend's position (about testing having to come before any money) and asking her to stop being so constant with the phone calls. This kind of harassment has a legal remedy, but you shouldn't go that far without at least communicating appropriately through a lawyer that he is willing to do the right thing if it turns out that he's the dad, but that this has to happen first.
In the U.S., although prenatal testing at the top labs is accurate, it's still new enough that the courts only accept a DNA test that is done after the baby comes as proof of paternity. If your boyfriend does a test through Ravgen or the DDC it would be reliable, and will give you all 18 weeks of clarity that you won't have as things stand now. But if British courts are like US courts, he will probably be asked by the courts to do a DNA test once the baby comes. That's a great safety for him. Only when that post-natal test comes out positive for him, should he be talking about financial support for the child.
I know this is irritating, stressful and shocking. But please also, keep in mind that she has had a shock; her world has changed entirely and she is freaked out about it. And whether she's honest and stupid, or not being quite honest, she just might be in a pretty desperate situation. That should help you muster a modicum of sympathy, or at least courtesy, when she calls. And at the worst, change your phone number.
8 Comments
Thank you for your advice, very helpful information. All this definitely needs to be taken into consideration. I will discuss these options with him. I pray to god for a good outcome. It’s such a nightmare
I'm sorry this has been so tough, but please take the long view and stop characterizing the situation as a "nightmare." It doesn't help your ability to think clearly, and also encourages your boyfriend in the negative thinking he is indulging in.
For one thing, your boyfriend might still prove not to be the father, since the ultrasound was too late to give a clear indication. That's what the test is for, to open the window and let the fresh air in rather than indulge in fears. If I were his girlfriend, I'd be leaning on him hard to consider testing now. Nobody needs 18 weeks of fears that might prove groundless and a waste of emotional energy.
For another, if he finds he is the father and gets involved in the baby's life, you both might enjoy the child more than you seem to be intending to do now. A child is interesting, sweet, and has a lot of charm especially if it is your own biological child. He might wind up rather pleased to have the child in his life.
I hardly need to say that this situation is not the baby's fault. Nobody now should be poisoning the well for its future relationships with its father, grandma, and cousins either. The child will deserve a life without whispers behind the backs of the hands, and if you're talking with your boyfriend's mother like you did to us, the poor kid will hardly have a chance. The gossip will follow the child all his life, for something that is not in the slightest the child's fault.
I should also say that your boyfriend is acting as though this came from nowhere, but the situation arose from his own actions (evidently nobody forced him to have sex). You're both mad at the mother, and if she is calling a lot I can see why, but he did the deed, she did not apparently want the baby to be from him, and except for her pushy actions she is as much a victim as he is. It was an accident, not a planned event. He would be better able to sort this out emotionally if both of you stop acting as though the woman has stolen something from him. I hope it doesn't turn out that he is the dad, but if he is, remember that their joint carelessness, no nefarious plot, has produced the situation. Thinking this way will help you help him, and keep your own head clear. And it will keep things from spilling over to the baby, who should not be blamed for all of this drama.
Good luck, please write back if your boyfriend is able to do prenatal testing.
For one thing, your boyfriend might still prove not to be the father, since the ultrasound was too late to give a clear indication. That's what the test is for, to open the window and let the fresh air in rather than indulge in fears. If I were his girlfriend, I'd be leaning on him hard to consider testing now. Nobody needs 18 weeks of fears that might prove groundless and a waste of emotional energy.
For another, if he finds he is the father and gets involved in the baby's life, you both might enjoy the child more than you seem to be intending to do now. A child is interesting, sweet, and has a lot of charm especially if it is your own biological child. He might wind up rather pleased to have the child in his life.
I hardly need to say that this situation is not the baby's fault. Nobody now should be poisoning the well for its future relationships with its father, grandma, and cousins either. The child will deserve a life without whispers behind the backs of the hands, and if you're talking with your boyfriend's mother like you did to us, the poor kid will hardly have a chance. The gossip will follow the child all his life, for something that is not in the slightest the child's fault.
I should also say that your boyfriend is acting as though this came from nowhere, but the situation arose from his own actions (evidently nobody forced him to have sex). You're both mad at the mother, and if she is calling a lot I can see why, but he did the deed, she did not apparently want the baby to be from him, and except for her pushy actions she is as much a victim as he is. It was an accident, not a planned event. He would be better able to sort this out emotionally if both of you stop acting as though the woman has stolen something from him. I hope it doesn't turn out that he is the dad, but if he is, remember that their joint carelessness, no nefarious plot, has produced the situation. Thinking this way will help you help him, and keep your own head clear. And it will keep things from spilling over to the baby, who should not be blamed for all of this drama.
Good luck, please write back if your boyfriend is able to do prenatal testing.
Hello after speaking to my partner and looking at dates. He slept with her 11th July not 9th July She sent him a copy of the hospital appointment text saying she had her “16 week scan on 22nd October”. Counting back 16 weeks makes 1st July. Which has confused me, can he still be the dad from this possible date ?
I would like to say I am also confused as she said she was originally unable to get dated until 22 weeks but the text clearly states “16 weeks appointment” on 22nd October.
If you haven't been pregnant before, you might not have ever come across the fact that the medical count of pregnancy includes the two weeks before conception. Before ultrasounds existed to give better information, if a woman got pregnant she would only know that she was pregnant if she missed a period. She would go to the doctor and say "How far along am I?" and the doctor would say, "When did your last period begin?" because that is the only thing they had to clue them in. They would have been aware that she probably conceived a couple of weeks after that, but the first day of the last period is a big, obvious signal and the woman might know when it was, when conception is hidden and unknown. So, a 40-week pregnancy time period was invented, with the first two weeks being the time between the first day of the last period and conception. Everything is calibrated to that count (the first day of the period is "day 1" of the pregnancy time period, and around "day 14" the woman would ovulate, and she is "two weeks pregnant" on that day). A 16-week appointment is 14 weeks from conception ... two weeks at the front, and then conception, and then 14 more weeks.
Obviously now that we have ultrasounds, this kind of count is more of a historical anomaly, but it is still used everywhere. All doctors, nurses, ultrasounds, medical textbooks, and even "What to Expect When You're Expecting" use that count. No, the doctor doesn't think the woman is pregnant on day 1 of her last period, she is having a period! But the pregnancy time period (the count in weeks, also called "gestational age" or GA) is done that way even so. and it has continued despite the advent of ultrasounds.
The takeaway from this is to use the estimated due date, and from that date, count back 266 days, and that is the estimated date of conception. If you count back 280 days, you get the "gestational age" count that brings you back to the first day of the woman's period, and while that is going to match the "weeks pregnant," all it will do is confuse what you're trying to figure out. Women write in on this site wrapped around the wheel all the time, asking why their weeks don't match up with the sex. Just go with the estimated due date, as seen on the ultrasound, and don't let the weeks throw you.
Obviously now that we have ultrasounds, this kind of count is more of a historical anomaly, but it is still used everywhere. All doctors, nurses, ultrasounds, medical textbooks, and even "What to Expect When You're Expecting" use that count. No, the doctor doesn't think the woman is pregnant on day 1 of her last period, she is having a period! But the pregnancy time period (the count in weeks, also called "gestational age" or GA) is done that way even so. and it has continued despite the advent of ultrasounds.
The takeaway from this is to use the estimated due date, and from that date, count back 266 days, and that is the estimated date of conception. If you count back 280 days, you get the "gestational age" count that brings you back to the first day of the woman's period, and while that is going to match the "weeks pregnant," all it will do is confuse what you're trying to figure out. Women write in on this site wrapped around the wheel all the time, asking why their weeks don't match up with the sex. Just go with the estimated due date, as seen on the ultrasound, and don't let the weeks throw you.
Incidentally, if it was her 16th-week appointment on the 22nd, and she called it her 22nd-week appointment, it sounds like she simply misspoke. It happens all the time. When talking about your boyfriend's chances of being the father, I was not using the (attested) weeks count but simply working from the estimated due date. There are conception calculators online where you input the baby's estimated due date and out comes the estimated conception date. (The one I use even gives an estimated first day of last period.) Her numbers suggest July 12 as the date of conception.
Do you have access to any report from her first ultrasound, the early one where they "couldn't date" the pregnancy? I'd be curious why, was it super early? If you can get it, it might have useful data even without her having been given an estimated due date.
Do you have access to any report from her first ultrasound, the early one where they "couldn't date" the pregnancy? I'd be curious why, was it super early? If you can get it, it might have useful data even without her having been given an estimated due date.
I agree that the first ultrasound might be very helpful. It seems likely the doc considered they might be looking at a failed pregnancy in the first US - maybe it was an age where they expected to see a heartbeat but didn't. But seeing the first US in retrospect - that it has in fact turned out to be a healthy pregnancy, NOW what's the doc's best guess as to the gestational age of the fetus you're seeing in the first US?
Yes, I'm thinking it might list the crown-to-rump measurement, if it was not too early to get one. And it would certainly say what date it was and whether they could see the embryo. She might simply have gone in too early to see anything (such as right after she missed her period) but if there is a date on the ultrasound, that would at least be another piece of evidence of when things were still too small to be seen on an ultrasound. Of course, her doctor should be able to make these assessments, but if she is being cagey (and we don't know if she is, so please don't take my words as a reason to treat her with mistrust) you might be better off just asking if you could get a copy of the first ultrasound report, rather than asking her to ask her doctor to reassess things. From the way you told the story initially, she had an early ultrasound that didn't give a date but also didn't raise any red flags to her about dates. It would be interesting to see what it said about what stage she was in at the time.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Short answer is, her boyfriend is not ruled out, the 22nd-week ultrasound is too late to be useful to rule him out. But your boyfriend is certainly not ruled out.
The woman is saying she didn't have sex with her regular boyfriend early in July, so that either she got pregnant from the sex on July 9 or she got pregnant from the sex a week and a few days later, say, the 19th or the 20th? And she is taking a 22-week ultrasound as evidence it's not from her boyfriend?
For a due date of April 4, the estimated conception date is July 12, not July 5. However, as
RockRose has said, a due date given in the 22nd week of pregnancy is not precise enough to point exactly to one of those sexual events as producing the pregnancy.
Using an ultrasound to try to determine a conception date gets less and less pinpoint over time because some babies grow faster and some grow slower than average. An ultrasound in the 7th week might have a margin for error of only a day or two, but by the time the woman is at her 40th week, trying to use it to guess at the baby's conception by looking at its development has a margin for error of +/- 3 weeks. The margin for error in the 22nd week will easily cover the time frame that both guys had sex with the woman.
In a civilized world, the pregnant woman, her boyfriend, and your boyfriend would contact Ravgen or the DDC, the two best labs in the world for prenatal DNA testing, and get a DNA test done now. (Both companies have relationships with labs all over the world to take the samples.) Prenatal DNA tests are done with a blood draw from the woman (her arm) and cheek swabs from both men. Either the three can go together to the lab if nothing is a secret to either guy about the situation, or she should go with each guy. (She needs to be certain the guys are not sending someone else in their place, and the guys need to see their swabs handed off to a neutral third party, not just to her.) And the three of them should split the cost of the test three ways. These tests are expensive, running from $1,600 to $2,000; given that these are adults who all went to bed of their own free will, in all fairness each person should bear a third of the cost. Then they will know in a week or ten days that one of the guys is not the dad, and one is the dad. She should understand that there is still a chance that her boyfriend is the dad, and this would be the way to find out.
Second best would be for just your boyfriend and the woman to do a prenatal test (without her boyfriend also doing a swab) and split the cost two ways. This is not as good as all three testing, since if he gets a negative, sometimes for some women this is not enough ("what if the lab is -- WRONG!?!?!?!") and sheez, your boyfriend and you don't want to have to field anxious phone calls from her for 18 more weeks obsessing that his negative might not have been a negative. If they all three test, one guy gets a no and the other guy gets a yes -- their test results act as a check on each other's test. I hope the situation here is calm enough that testing with all three people can be done.
I recommend going the route of doing a prenatal DNA test (versus a post-natal test, which are about ten times cheaper) because then you all know now. There would be time to plan and to think of what to do. But if it is simply not possible to manage even a third of the cost of prenatal testing, or if anyone point-blank refuses, the option would be to test once the baby is born. DNA tests can be done at the hospital as soon as the baby comes.
Of course, part of going through this is you and your boyfriend talking about what will happen if your boyfriend does turn out to be the father. At that point he should talk to a lawyer that does family law. The parental connection can be severed but only under certain limited circumstances (I believe the only case is if the child is being adopted, but don't take my word for it, ask the lawyer). Or, your boyfriend might decide he wants involvement, since this would be his biological child. (This of course will mean you yourself have some thinking to do about what that means in your relationship.) The lawyer can also go into what your boyfriend might expect if the woman seeks child support from him.
I'm sorry your boyfriend has to learn the hard way that part of being a modern male with access to free sex is that sometimes you have to take a DNA test and possibly face the music. Both of you should do your best to keep up a constructive relationship with the woman, she's been going along thinking everything was fine and now she has found out there is a big, huge question, and she thinks it changes everything she has been expecting and everything she has told her boyfriend. You all have some joint problem-solving to do now, and if the test comes out the way we might hope it doesn't, you'll have lots of need for joint problem-solving in the future. She is not wrong to be worried that he is the dad, but she is wrong in her assumption that her boyfriend doesn't have a chance. It is well worth testing now, to know what everyone is facing.
The woman is saying she didn't have sex with her regular boyfriend early in July, so that either she got pregnant from the sex on July 9 or she got pregnant from the sex a week and a few days later, say, the 19th or the 20th? And she is taking a 22-week ultrasound as evidence it's not from her boyfriend?
For a due date of April 4, the estimated conception date is July 12, not July 5. However, as
RockRose has said, a due date given in the 22nd week of pregnancy is not precise enough to point exactly to one of those sexual events as producing the pregnancy.
Using an ultrasound to try to determine a conception date gets less and less pinpoint over time because some babies grow faster and some grow slower than average. An ultrasound in the 7th week might have a margin for error of only a day or two, but by the time the woman is at her 40th week, trying to use it to guess at the baby's conception by looking at its development has a margin for error of +/- 3 weeks. The margin for error in the 22nd week will easily cover the time frame that both guys had sex with the woman.
In a civilized world, the pregnant woman, her boyfriend, and your boyfriend would contact Ravgen or the DDC, the two best labs in the world for prenatal DNA testing, and get a DNA test done now. (Both companies have relationships with labs all over the world to take the samples.) Prenatal DNA tests are done with a blood draw from the woman (her arm) and cheek swabs from both men. Either the three can go together to the lab if nothing is a secret to either guy about the situation, or she should go with each guy. (She needs to be certain the guys are not sending someone else in their place, and the guys need to see their swabs handed off to a neutral third party, not just to her.) And the three of them should split the cost of the test three ways. These tests are expensive, running from $1,600 to $2,000; given that these are adults who all went to bed of their own free will, in all fairness each person should bear a third of the cost. Then they will know in a week or ten days that one of the guys is not the dad, and one is the dad. She should understand that there is still a chance that her boyfriend is the dad, and this would be the way to find out.
Second best would be for just your boyfriend and the woman to do a prenatal test (without her boyfriend also doing a swab) and split the cost two ways. This is not as good as all three testing, since if he gets a negative, sometimes for some women this is not enough ("what if the lab is -- WRONG!?!?!?!") and sheez, your boyfriend and you don't want to have to field anxious phone calls from her for 18 more weeks obsessing that his negative might not have been a negative. If they all three test, one guy gets a no and the other guy gets a yes -- their test results act as a check on each other's test. I hope the situation here is calm enough that testing with all three people can be done.
I recommend going the route of doing a prenatal DNA test (versus a post-natal test, which are about ten times cheaper) because then you all know now. There would be time to plan and to think of what to do. But if it is simply not possible to manage even a third of the cost of prenatal testing, or if anyone point-blank refuses, the option would be to test once the baby is born. DNA tests can be done at the hospital as soon as the baby comes.
Of course, part of going through this is you and your boyfriend talking about what will happen if your boyfriend does turn out to be the father. At that point he should talk to a lawyer that does family law. The parental connection can be severed but only under certain limited circumstances (I believe the only case is if the child is being adopted, but don't take my word for it, ask the lawyer). Or, your boyfriend might decide he wants involvement, since this would be his biological child. (This of course will mean you yourself have some thinking to do about what that means in your relationship.) The lawyer can also go into what your boyfriend might expect if the woman seeks child support from him.
I'm sorry your boyfriend has to learn the hard way that part of being a modern male with access to free sex is that sometimes you have to take a DNA test and possibly face the music. Both of you should do your best to keep up a constructive relationship with the woman, she's been going along thinking everything was fine and now she has found out there is a big, huge question, and she thinks it changes everything she has been expecting and everything she has told her boyfriend. You all have some joint problem-solving to do now, and if the test comes out the way we might hope it doesn't, you'll have lots of need for joint problem-solving in the future. She is not wrong to be worried that he is the dad, but she is wrong in her assumption that her boyfriend doesn't have a chance. It is well worth testing now, to know what everyone is facing.
1 Comments
Hi AnnieBrooke, thank you soo much, all this information was extremely helpful and very detailed. This situation is extremely stressful.
Yes this girl is taking the 22 week scan and the 4th April due date as “concrete evidence” that her current boyfriend is not the father. Because she is apparently 2 weeks further along than expected, she believes my boyfriend is the father. She is adamant and there is no convincing her otherwise. Although she said she slept with her current boyfriend a week and a few days later. That’s why I wanted to clarify if it was possible for the current boyfriend to be the father to.
This woman keeps constantly ringing my partner which is adding more stress. She is convinced he is the dad and demanding he takes ownership and contributes immediately. I understand my partner could be the father but the fact that she is arguing that her boyfriend is NOWAY the dad is very frustrating. If she wasn’t sexually active with anyone else I could understand but she was.
The girl and her boyfriend are still together and he said he is staying with her although the child not his.
My partner said he is going to do DNA test when the child is born. If the child is his, he said he going to support his child and be in its life.
It just feels like a nightmare.
We live in the UK so I’m not sure if the paternity routes will be the same
Yes this girl is taking the 22 week scan and the 4th April due date as “concrete evidence” that her current boyfriend is not the father. Because she is apparently 2 weeks further along than expected, she believes my boyfriend is the father. She is adamant and there is no convincing her otherwise. Although she said she slept with her current boyfriend a week and a few days later. That’s why I wanted to clarify if it was possible for the current boyfriend to be the father to.
This woman keeps constantly ringing my partner which is adding more stress. She is convinced he is the dad and demanding he takes ownership and contributes immediately. I understand my partner could be the father but the fact that she is arguing that her boyfriend is NOWAY the dad is very frustrating. If she wasn’t sexually active with anyone else I could understand but she was.
The girl and her boyfriend are still together and he said he is staying with her although the child not his.
My partner said he is going to do DNA test when the child is born. If the child is his, he said he going to support his child and be in its life.
It just feels like a nightmare.
We live in the UK so I’m not sure if the paternity routes will be the same
Her irregular periods aren't being taken into account here - this pregnancy hasn't been dated by when she had a period, but rather, the apparent gestational age of the baby. So irregular periods won't be a factor.
Yes, there's a chance the scan is so far off that her boyfriend could still very well be the father. But there are two other pieces of information that work in the other direction. If she's been having regular unprotected sex with her boyfriend and never got pregnant, that tilts the likelihood in the direction of your boyfriend being the father. Additionally, when women are ovulating (fertile) they often have greatly increased libido, which can lead to behaviors like one night stands and taking foolish chances with birth control. That's why you hear so many teen girls get pregnant on the night they lost their virginity - because the fact that they were fertile was what made them cross over the threshold into having sex.
What does this woman want to do - do you know? Does she want child support, or does she also want your boyfriend to have a parental relationship with the child? What would your boyfriend want?
Yes, there's a chance the scan is so far off that her boyfriend could still very well be the father. But there are two other pieces of information that work in the other direction. If she's been having regular unprotected sex with her boyfriend and never got pregnant, that tilts the likelihood in the direction of your boyfriend being the father. Additionally, when women are ovulating (fertile) they often have greatly increased libido, which can lead to behaviors like one night stands and taking foolish chances with birth control. That's why you hear so many teen girls get pregnant on the night they lost their virginity - because the fact that they were fertile was what made them cross over the threshold into having sex.
What does this woman want to do - do you know? Does she want child support, or does she also want your boyfriend to have a parental relationship with the child? What would your boyfriend want?
1 Comments
Thank you for your advice. From after she had the second scan (finding out 22 weeks pregnant) she is very adamant that my boyfriend is the father and has completely ruled her own boyfriend out the equation.
My boyfriend doesn’t know her personally and it was just a fling. We don’t really know much about her, only the fact that her current boyfriend is still sticking by her although he doesn’t believe the child is his. She is very convinced my boyfriend is the dad and wants him to support the child. Furthermore, she said she got into her current relationship after she had her encounter with my boyfriend and slept with him ( her boyfriend) a week and a few days later.
This news has been very shocking because it’s out of the blue. My boyfriend is completely shocked and upset. He is not ready to be a father and didn’t want to father a child outside our relationship. It is something he is struggling to come to terms with.
My boyfriend doesn’t know her personally and it was just a fling. We don’t really know much about her, only the fact that her current boyfriend is still sticking by her although he doesn’t believe the child is his. She is very convinced my boyfriend is the dad and wants him to support the child. Furthermore, she said she got into her current relationship after she had her encounter with my boyfriend and slept with him ( her boyfriend) a week and a few days later.
This news has been very shocking because it’s out of the blue. My boyfriend is completely shocked and upset. He is not ready to be a father and didn’t want to father a child outside our relationship. It is something he is struggling to come to terms with.
Since the early scan didn't "date" the pregnancy, all we have to go by is the due date they've assigned the baby which can be off by a couple weeks sometimes. When you count back 38 weeks from April 4, that's when she is most likely to have conceived, and that date is July 5. From those dates, it's VERY likely your boyfriend is the father of the baby. Did she sleep with her actual partner one week later? And again a few days after that? If so he's still marginally in the window. If she didn't sleep with him until a week and a few days after your boyfriend's encounter with her, it gets less and less likely. This one will need a DNA test once the baby is born.
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Thank you for your response. If the due date is off by a couple weeks (since early scan wasn’t done) can this change the date of conception? Also if her periods are irregular, could this also influence when conception occurred as she is uncertain when her last
period was.
I think she said she slept with her current boyfriend a week and a few days later after sleeping with mine. And was sleeping with her current boyfriend on a regular basis which made her believe the child was originally his until the scan.
period was.
I think she said she slept with her current boyfriend a week and a few days later after sleeping with mine. And was sleeping with her current boyfriend on a regular basis which made her believe the child was originally his until the scan.
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