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Question regarding Paternity

I have a good friend of mine who is questioning whether he is the father of his Ex’s children. She is due for a c-section on March 21st, 2022. The last time they had sex was May 26th, 2021. Is it possible he is the father?
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134578 tn?1693250592
COMMUNITY LEADER
Let's assume that the doctor has scheduled the C-section for a date that he or she assumes is very near to the child's full-term due date. (I.e., that the C-section wasn't scheduled for the convenience of the doctor, but for the full development of the baby.)

If March 21 is considered the child's full-term due date, the conception date associated with that due date is June 28. If her cycles are on the average 28 days from period to period, she would be expected to have had a period before that around June 14. That would suggest sex on May 26 is too early to have produced the pregnancy. The baby would have to have been conceived in June, (or the due date given to her would have to be in February) for the last date the guy remembers having sex to be the right date for conception.

This doesn't rule out mistakes in figuring this out, however. Women mis-hear their doctor about due dates sometimes, or the guy mis-remembers what that date was, or that time they had sex later than the date he is sure was the last time has slipped his mind, or he is hiding it from his current girlfriend. But if all the facts are as you outlined them, it does make it valid and logical for him to request a DNA test.

Because this becomes a legal matter when someone has divorced and is now being told he is the father of a baby, your friend and his ex should not fool around with things like home DNA tests later to work this out. He should speak to the clerk of the family court in his area of jurisdiction, and get information on how to do a legally admissible DNA paternity test, and follow those instructions. The test can be done at the hospital when the baby is born.

If they are an amicable pair of exes, and if they both want to know for sure while she is still pregnant, they can spend the big bucks and go to Ravgen or the DDC for a prenatal DNA test. It's done with a blood draw from the mom (her arm) and a swab from the guy(s), and it can tell them right away if he is the dad. If the other guy gets swabbed too (a very good idea), it will give one of the men a 'yes' and the other a 'no,' which is useful because each test result will affirm the other's. (This is a good idea to do when testing after the baby is born, too, for the same reason. One is ruled out and the other is ruled in.) I think the price of prenatal testing is about ten times as much as waiting until the baby comes, so people sometimes don't do it for that reason but just test at the hospital when the baby is born.  And I don't think (unless this has changed) prenatal tests are admissible as legal evidence of paternity, so one will be required when the baby arrives anyway. But if they want to know now and it's worth the money to them, they can do a prenatal test and everyone can go about their life, only confirming later when the baby comes with a legally admissible test.  
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6 Comments
I also note that although you asked about a child that hasn't yet been born, your first line says that the guy is wondering if he is the father of his ex's "children," not his ex's child. If there are other kids besides the one she is currently pregnant with, and especially if they were married when those kids were born, he needs to talk to a lawyer. (You call her his "ex," and I assumed ex-wife.) If she is just an ex-girlfriend, he is less legally responsible but if she is his ex-wife, there's a legal assumption that any kids born when they were married are his kids. It takes some legal work to refute this assumption. And, if he has been acting as their dad (especially if this has gone on for long enough that the kids are old enough to think he is their dad) it is going to take some thought as well if he wants to try to get out of being their father. It is not kind to the kids to walk away when they know who you are and think you're their dad. So, all in all, depending on what the situation is, it could be simple (one baby she's pregnant with right now and that is it) or complicated (kids who love him and he wants to refute them). Don't advise him lightly. :-)

Good luck!
Thanks for your response! Did you mean August instead of April?
No, in fact, I just meant a month later than when he says they last had sex. In other words, for her to have a baby in March from him, he and she would have had to have sex in June (or later). I'll see if the moderators will edit out "April" above and put in June, that was just a flub. lol
So at the beginning of June is when he and his ex broke up. They do not have any other kids together and were never married.  The last time he remembers having sex with her was around May 26th shortly before they broke up. She then waited until November to tell him she was pregnant which I find odd to wait that long. When he told me the due date it just did not add up. I researched and it said they would have had to have had sex around June 28th but he says he did not see her that month at all. So now he is questioning it and so am I. I am worried she is trying to deceive him and it is not his. Also I should mention the pregnancy is twins.
I would not find it particularly odd for someone to wait that long to share that information if she was deciding what to do (such as, whether to get an abortion), or if she and your guy were not friendly after the break-up. (And of course there is still the overhanging question of whether he is perhaps inaccurate when telling you when they last had sex.)

But "odd "or not, the goal of this is not to label her but for him to be able to calmly tell her that of course they will do a DNA test when the babies are born. Since he wasn't her husband he is not on the legal hook, and of course it is only fair (all around) to test. They were sleeping together close enough to the time when the babies were conceived, it's the only straightforward thing to do.
Please remember that the date of her scheduled C-section is simply not enough information to accuse her of lying or deceiving. (Though it is enough information to wonder if somewhere along the line someone hasn't made a mistake.) In your shoes I'd soften the accusations of deceit. Even if she's wrong it doesn't mean she is lying, and him getting mad at her will not improve an already nerve-wracking situation.

One place mistakes can happen is this. When a woman is pregnant, the doctor will tell her at her earliest appointment that she is "x weeks pregnant," (for example, "8 weeks pregnant" or "8 weeks along.") But despite how it sounds, the doctor is NOT saying she conceived 8 weeks ago. He is actually telling her that presumably her last period began 8 weeks ago and she conceived 6 weeks ago. This odd way if counting out the pregnancy time period is done by the whole medical world, and they are so used to it that it rarely dawns on doctors that it's really hard to understand. But it does confuse pregnant women all the time, as they wonder "how can Day 1 of bleeding of a period be the day I got pregnant? I was having a period!" If asked, a doctor would be the first to tell the woman that she hadn't conceived yet when the pregnancy count begins. But the language sounds so clear that a lot of times a pregnant women does take that weeks count and assume she's being told when conception was. She then works back in her mind to try to think about who she was with around that time (even if she knows she had a period around then, she will still look at guys from before the period and not think about guys from two weeks later). It's possible that your guy's ex might have worked out that he could be the only one in that pregnancy time range. Even if she was wrong, she could have done it in good faith, based on the way the doctor counted out the pregnancy.

So, even if she's wrong that doesn't mean she is being deceitful. To simplify the emotionality of the situation, please stop suggesting to the guy that he is being lied to, and mention to him that there is an equally good possibility that it's just a mistake and that she's acting in good faith. Leading the guy to conclude that he's being deceived will just make him act like a suspicious, rude jerk, in a situation that is much better served by having him be a calm problem-solver ready to get to the bottom of things and willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.

When the babies are born, the guy of course has every legal right to get a DNA test. Also, he is not obligated to interact with her until that day, in any way.  A DNA test with both babies is the way to clarify everything, and it doesn't actually sound like he's the dad, so he (and you) should just try to stay calm. Don't make a difficult situation worse.
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